Chapter One: Stranger Danger
"Any new dreams or returned memories?"
Bucky shook his head and didn't make eye contact with the doctor sitting across the room from him. The doctor was brought in by S.H.I.E.L.D to help with Bucky's readjustment to the world. The man was nice enough, mild-mannered with salt and pepper hair, a love of argyle socks, and wire rimmed glasses. Every Tuesday at precisely two o'clock Bucky walked into the office to see Doctor Harman sitting in his leather back chair, legs crossed, yellow legal pad on his lap and pen in hand.
Dr. Harman was good at making small talk. He would always ask Bucky how his week was, if he was continuing his regular sleep pattern, if he met any new people, and if he remembered anything. Bucky gave short curt answers to each of the questions, often they were lies. If Dr. Harman knew Bucky was lying, he made no mention of it.
Bucky was tapping his index finger against his knee. It was a nervous habit he picked up ever since Steve dragged him back to Washington. The finger was his trigger finger, the finger that deiced who lived and who died. The finger that ended so many lives in the name of Hydra. Dr. Harman glanced at Bucky's finger and made a note on his legal pad.
Bucky always wondered what Dr. Harman wrote, but he never asked. Bucky cleared his throat as Dr. Harman straightened himself in his chair and said in his thick Boston accent, "Let's talk about that finger for a moment. About a month ago, Captain Rogers informed me that you attempted to cut it off in a fit of rage and said," Dr. Harman adjusted is glasses, cleared his throat, and flipped to a different page in his legal pad before reading, "'Goddammit I just want it off," Dr. Harman looked up, "Care to talk about that?"
"That was supposed to be private," Bucky muttered. He wasn't angry at Steve, ever since he came back to Washington Steve has been trying so hard to be there for Bucky. Though it annoyed Bucky that Steve told Dr. Harman about his break down, Bucky knew it was going to happen.
A slight smirk crossed Dr. Harman's face, he could tell he was getting the upper hand on understanding Bucky, "I'm your therapist Bucky, anything that concerns your mental state gets brought to me. Anything," Dr. Harman stressed the last part. There was nothing threatening in his voice, it was more of a concerned parent's voice.
Bucky found himself wondering about Dr. Harman's family. Bucky knew Dr. Harman was married by the ring on is finger and he knew Dr. Harman had children because of the pictures and child's art that hung on the walls. It was enduring, how Dr. Harman showed off his children's works and their pictures. It silently screamed 'proud parent'.
Bucky wondered if his parents were proud of him.
Or if he even had parents. Bucky knew that Steve was an orphan because Steve told him so, but Steve didn't tell Bucky about his past. Which was something that annoyed Steve to no end.
Dr. Harman noticed that Bucky was glancing around the room and smiled softly, "You know, Sergeant Barns, I think you can get through this. I think you can get yourself to a place where you can remember the person used to be and move on from this painful stage of your life. But in order to do that, you have to open up to me."
Bucky snorted. He knew it wasn't that easy, nothing had been easy since returning to Washington. He couldn't imagine moving on from this could be easy, hell he couldn't even imagine moving on from this. Bucky stopped tapping his finger and glanced at the clock, "Our hour is up."
Dr. Harman glanced at his wrist watch and arched his eyebrows, "Well time certainly flies doesn't it," Dr. Harman stood like he always did and walked Bucky to the door, "I'll see you next week, Bucky."
Bucky simply nodded and walked through the door. Steve was waiting outside Dr. Harman's office like always, sitting in the chair beside the window with his hands in his pockets. Steve stood as Bucky walked past him and gave Dr. Harman a small wave before falling in step with his friend.
"Alright off to the next appointment," Steve clapped his hands together, "S.H.I.E.L.D want's someone to examine your arm since it's been giving you a lot of pain. Apparently they got someone good to look it over."
Bucky just rolled his eyes.
Two hours later Bucky and Steve walked into the apartment building where both men lived. Bucky was rubbing his arm where the doctor's injected the last of the many vaccines he needed to be caught up on. The last vaccines were HEP B and C along with tetanus booster. The tetanus booster left his arm aching and feeling numb.
"Yeah those always did sting," Steve said as both men walked up the stairs. Bucky didn't like elevators, he hated the confined space and the way they shook. It sometimes triggered an anxiety or panic attack which never ended well for Bucky or Steve.
Bucky nodded in response. They climbed the stairs to their floor in silence with Bucky staying in step with Steve at all times. Bucky would never admit it to anyone but if he was in step with Steve it made him feel safer. He felt like he could see someone coming, protect himself or Steve if the need arose. Bucky stopped rubbing his arm as they reached their floor and stuffed his hand into the pocket of his sweat shirt.
At the end of the hall was Steve's apartment. Bucky lived next door where Steve's girlfriend, Sharon, used to live. It was a small apartment but it had enough space for Bucky. Steve furnished it for him and even put in an old record player with some records in the hopes that it would bring back memories. That hope was in vain though, the records brought back nothing.
As they reached the end of the hall both men heard a woman's voice coming from inside Steve's apartment. Bucky met Sharon once but that brief meeting was enough to recognize her voice, and the voice coming from the apartment wasn't close to Sharon's. The voice was singing along to an Ella Fitzgerald record that was playing from Steve's record player.
Steve and Bucky exchanged confused glances as they stood outside the door. Steve reached into his jacket and retrieved the small hand gun he carried. The gun wasn't loaded, it never was; it was only for show and to scare people. Steve raised it as if the gun was loaded and nodded for Bucky to take a step back. Bucky took a step back as Steve quickly kicked the door open. The door snapped under the weight of Steve's foot by the lock and swung open. It slammed against the wall as Steve rushed into the apartment.
Bucky followed Steve when he heard the record player turn off and Steve's voice. He followed the voices into Steve's kitchen where Steve was standing with his gun pointed at a woman who was caring a laundry basket full of clean clothes.
There was something familiar about the woman. She was short with long wavy brown hair and dark hazel eyes. Bucky narrowed his eyes as he glanced down at her hands, they were small with long thin fingers. Her nails were filed down but looked as if they weren't touched by a manicure in years. She was wearing a Georgetown Medical School tee shirt and had a relaxed look on her face.
"Well, this is awkward."
Bucky snorted as Steve lowered his gun. His blond eye brows that were narrowed relaxed and a smile appeared on his face, "Wait, you're Sharon's cousin right, the doctor?"
The woman nodded and placed her laundry basket down on the table, "I am," she extended her hand to Steve who politely took it and shook it, "Ana Baker," she turned to shake Bucky's hand but Bucky glared at it.
Ana slowly retracted her hand and picked up her laundry basket once more, "Sorry about that, I should have said something but Sharon said you'd be out all afternoon and that you wouldn't mind if I borrowed your machine for a few loads of laundry while mine's getting installed. Sorry about the record player by the way, just wanted some back ground music. Also, if you want," she shifted her weight from foot to foot, "I can reimburse you in detergent."
Steve laughed and shook his head, "Don't worry about it, this is my friend Bucky by the way."
Ana nodded at him and offered him a smile even though he rudely dismissed her handshake earlier, "Nice to meet you, Sharon's told a bit about you but don't worry nothing to threaten national security."
She said the last part with a knowing grin that made Steve and Bucky think that she knew a lot more than she was letting on. Steve nodded to the fridge and asked, "Well, can I get you something to eat?"
Ana smiled softly and shook her head, "No, thank you. I believe I've over stayed my welcome here, and it appears you have a door that needs fixing," with that Ana began walking towards the door. When she got to the ruined door she turned and said, "Nice to finally meet you Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barns," and with that she walked out the door.
