Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. If I did, it would still be online and Spike would be getting a lot more screen time….possibly his own show. Anyway enjoy. Please Read and Review. This is an un beta'd work.

Pain. It's all he can feel now. The familiar ache of starvation crippling his body, drowning out his mind to a dull primal state. He has felt it before, back in the beginning when he first awoke. First tore through his shallow coffin, embracing the darkness. Wasn't worthy if you couldn't claw your way out, good as dead. He was proud, but now…now he feels nothing but regret. Should have stayed, should have starved and withered and died. It would have been better, better than facing this pain.

He tugs on his restraints, the demon lurking within him growling and snapping at anything in its path. Blood. He needs blood. It has to be warm, has to be fresh. Has to be Human. He's waited too long, suffered to long on the foul bitter taste of cow and pig. He needs it to heal, needs it to get better. To make the voices go away.

"Spike!"

She's calling him, rushing down the stairwells of her basement. Concern? She's feeling concern? She should have bloody well killed him years ago. He knew it, she knew it, so why was she helping him now? One quick thrust and no more pain. No one had to die. He wasn't a person after all, just a thing. Hadn't she told him that before? Singing a different tune now that he was all soulful and helpless.

He'd like to show her how helpless he is, wrap his hands around her neck and press till she breathes no more and…

"NO!"

He's the one screaming now, bowing his head as his fingers tear at his blond hair. Sandy Blond. No longer the pale bleach that he had come to sport during the last century or two. He's not Spike now, he's William. A desperate man out for what any man wants. His finger nails are chipped, the paint long since absent. Didn't feel the need to do it anymore, wasn't any appearances left to keep up. He was broken now. Big Bad gone, simply vanished leaving this behind.

She moves, her hands shakily reaching to touch him. Stupid move, mustn't touch him. He's unclean. He's tainted himself with their screams, tainted himself by touching her. Taboo. Wasn't supposed to love, was supposed to kill. Why couldn't he kill? Dear god! It would have saved him so much hurt, wouldn't have done this without her.

"Spike..." Her voice is trembling; he's really scared her now. Scared that she'll have to do what she was supposed to do in the beginning. Then again, he's always been special hasn't he? Her Angel lite.

"Are you alright, is it back? You've got to fight it….don't let it control you."

Control? It's already had control. Already put its claws in him as deep as they could go when it took over his mind. He just wants to forget, to go back to the way he was before. Before all of this matter, before saving the bleeding world mattered.

"Can't.."

"You can do it, Spike…I believe in you."

Now she believes? Now she believes after he went to hell and back to find her love? To Earn it. To be something deserving. Now she believes him? A low growl rumbles in his throat as he lunges forward, throwing her off with a vicious snarl. She's angered him. Hurt him. She doesn't know. Thinks it's the demon, the ghosts playing with his head. He doesn't want her to know otherwise.

She ventures back to him after a moment, when his breathing becomes swallower calmer. She can't risk getting hurt, not by him. Again he just isn't worth it.

"Help me…Help me please."

She's close to tears, he's already shed enough for both of them now. Won't be any more sprouting from him.

"How, Spike…tell me what you want me to do."

"Pray…Pray for me."

He asks this of her. This one thing. It's really the only thing either of them can do at this point.