AHW: Hello Everyone, I'm fairly new to writing, and as such any constructive criticism would and will be much appreciated… Well that's all I can think of for now. How about we get this show on the road.
() = Author Talking
"" = Characters Talking
'' = Characters using Quotes
A squad of heavily armed guards stood by outside a castle bedroom as their prisoner collected his belongings. Out of the door emerged a tall, well built human securing his bags and cloak.
"You ready to go?" Asked the guards.
"Yeah, let's get a move on it. Wouldn't want to keep them waiting right?" I chuckled.
One of the guards seemed fairly upset by that remark though, so I smiled as he rested a hand upon the guard's shoulder. "You can always tag along." I said.
The guard looked like he was giving it some thought before one of his comrades slapped him on the back of the head and reminded him of the pledge he took before they began leading the prisoner down the castle halls.
As we exited the castle, the guards all stepped to the sider as a man in very dull robes began speaking. "Prisoner 318357, also known as William Shawford, you are charged with unlawful acts of honor, abandoning your duty, and arson. For these among other charges, you are hereby exiled from the kingdom and banished to the surface. Have you any last words?" He spoke, looking very disinterested.
I scratched my head slightly. "Tell Prince Blabber-Mouth that I wouldn't have started the fire if he wasn't so sarcastic about it, and that he really should get that thing on his head checked out." I said smiling.
"Is that it?" Asked the man in dull robes.
"Pretty much. Oh, and goodbye." I finished as I turned around. "Take me out boys." I said jokingly, as we began walking down the city streets, towards the entrance of the cave the city resided in.
Four more guards stepped out as they began walking, forming a square around me. As we passed houses people were looking out of windows and doors, some glaring angrily towards us, while others showed faces of sadness and waved us goodbye. I waved back to those who looked sad, and smiled at the ones who looked angry. As we reached the entrance of the city, a tall, pale priest stood, waiting for us.
"Ah, Mason, here to wish me goodbye or is this a religious thing?" I asked as we all stopped in front of the priest.
"You should have just apologized." Mason said, quickly becoming teary-eyed.
"Cheer up man, it's not the end of the world." I said, hugging Mason. "Now, wish me luck?"
"We all do William. Everyone in the kingdom." Mason spoke with a quivering voice.
"Farewell, for now Mason." I said with a empathetic smile.
"Farewell for now." Mason said, tears still welling in his eyes.
After that I started walking up some stairs to the light of the outside world. It was far brighter than I remembered it ever being. As soon as I got outside of the kingdom entrance I pulled out a map I stole from a room in the castle before he saw the prince.
"Looks like the closest colony is... Appleloosa." I spoke to nobody in particular and began walking. After about 5 hours of mind-numbing walking I finally made it to Appleloosa.
-Time Jump-
As I walked through the streets of Appleloosa, everypony seemed to look at me a little oddly, some even with fear. I decided to head to the biggest building in town, assuming it was the most important so I might be able to get some information. After a couple minutes of walking I was knocking at the front door of a large building. An orange stallion answered the door. His initial reaction was about the same as the others, until I started talking.
"Hi." I started.
"Oh, umm… hi." the stallion responded.
"You're Braeburn right? Cousin of the Element of Honesty?" I recognized him from some pictures I got from the spy network the humans had throughout the world.
Braeburn seemed more than surprised that I knew who he or his Cousin were. "Yeah, you know her?" He asked curiously.
"Nope." I replied.
There was a slight pause for a while. "Oh… so, sir if you don't mind me asking, what exactly are you?" Asked Braeburn sheepishly.
"I'm a human." I said, confused that Braeburn didn't know what I was; Humans had been around for longer than the ponies, although we had kind of hidden from the world, but we assumed they still knew about us.
"Well I ain't never heard of a hue-mane before, but it's a pleasure to meet'cha." Said Braeburn, extending his hoof.
I grabbed it and gave it a firm shake. "The pleasure is all mine. Now tell me, you got any work around here you need done?"
"Well I don't, but I reckon my cousin sure could. It's harvesting season and last I heard Big Mac was injured so he can't help." Said Braeburn.
"Alright, and your cousin lives in Ponyville right?" I asked.
"Yep, out at Sweet Apple Acres." Answered Braeburn. "You can take the train there in about an hour, if you got any bits." He continued shortly after.
"Alright, thanks for the info. Braeburn. You ever need anything just write your cousin and if I'm there I'll be happy to come down and help if I can." I finished, turning and walking away.
After I left Braeburn's I headed towards the train station. I may not have any Bits, but I had a feeling I could find a way onto the train. After sneaking around to the back of the train I eventually made it into the luggage cart.
"Man, I hope the ponies aren't as technologically behind as the spy network says so." I said, pulling out my phone.
I started playing some music, and decided to go with one of my favorites. It was a really depressing song, but I liked depressing; it helped me relax. Meanwhile, every creature on the train was eventually brought to tears by a very saddening tune no one could figure out the source of. No one, but the Mane Six that is.
Mane Six POV
"Gosh darn it, where in tarnation is that music coming from?" Said a teary-eyed Applejack.
"I don't know, but I have a feeling the conductor isn't playing it. It doesn't sound like pony-music… Or any music I can recall." Responded Twilight.
"Well we should see if we can help find it then, and hopefully put a stop to it." Said Rainbow Dash, who was barely managing to keep back tears.
And so the Mane Six got out of their room, and started searching the train. "G-guys… I, uh. I think I found it." Fluttershy said just barely loud enough to be heard over the crying of everyone on the train, herself included.
"Way to go Fluttershy, now, let's see if we can put an end to that terrible music." Twilight said, opening the door to the luggage cart.
William POV
Just as I was about to fall asleep the door flung open. I couldn't see who was there because of how bright it suddenly became, but I had a feeling I was about to be thrown off the train. I heard a series of gasps a couple seconds after the door opened. It took me a moment to realize that with my cloak being the way it was, and with the way I was sitting, I looked pretty frightening, especially to Ponies. I quickly stood up, which probably wasn't the best idea considering they were already scared.
"Hi." Was all that came to mind when I was trying to think of something to say to calm them down though it seemed to do something, since they all immediately seemed to go from scared to angry.
"So you're the one playin' dat terribly depressin' music?" Asked Applejack, holder of the Element of Honesty.
"What do you mean 'terribly depressing'? I mean it's sad, but I think it's more relaxing than depressing." I said.
"Well then there must be something wrong with you, because that is the most depressing, saddening, upsetting song I have ever heard in my life!" said the Element of Generosity.
Just then it clicked. These are Ponies, of course it is! "Oooooh." I said to myself before facepalming, getting a few odd looks from the Element Holders. "I'm terribly sorry, I'm not used to being around Ponies. I forget how sheltered you are."
"What do you mean 'sheltered'? Asked the Element of Loyalty in a somewhat aggravated voice.
"And, about the pony thing, um, what exactly are you?" Questioned Twilight, holder of the Element of Magic.
"I'm a human." I explained, although it appeared they still had no idea what that was, from what I could tell. "And I think we both know what I mean by sheltered, Rainbow Dash."
She seemed slightly taken aback and scared when I called her by name. "H-h-h-how do you know my name?!" She practically screamed.
"This is gonna sound creepy for a little, but I know pretty much everything about you. All of you." I said.
As I was expecting a series of disbelieving gasps followed that statement. "Okay, prove it! What's my job?" Rainbow asked.
"Weather Pony. Fastest one in Ponyville too." I answered.
"How'd I get my Cutie Mark?" She questioned.
"You raced some bullies back in Summer Flight Camp when you were a filly, Rainbow Crash." I said, hoping to drive my point home with that last bit.
"... Nobody's called me that in a long time…" She said, seeming very upset.
"I'm sorry, but I had to prove my point." I apologized.
"Well, how do you know all of that stuff?" Asked Twilight.
"Yeah, how do you?" repeated Rainbow Dash in a much less aggravated tone.
"Well isn't it obvious? He's obviously got a super-secret spy network that relays information back to him, and has been for a very long time, including things about us, since we're the Elements of Harmony." Pinkie Pie clarified while appearing on top of my head, startling me
There was a brief moment of silence as everyone stared at Pinkie, myself included. "What?" She finally asked. Everyone facepalmed at once.
"I-Is that... true?" Asked Fluttershy.
"I'd prefer to keep my secrets just that, secret." I said in a stern tone.
"Now, why did all of you come back here?" I asked, trying to get off the topic.
"We were fed up with that garbage you call music!" Said Rainbow.
"Oh, yeah. If you want I can turn it off." I said, pulling out my phone.
"What's that?" Twilight asked as soon as she saw it.
"It's a phone." I said, expecting her to know almost exactly what it was.
"What's a 'Fone'?" She asked curiously.
I sat there for a moment waiting for the 'Just kidding' part, but I got the feeling it wasn't coming, so for the next half an hour I was showing the girls my phone. Twilight kept on asking how it worked, but I didn't tell her; if they don't have this technology already I don't think they really need it.
"So you say you're a human, but in the history books I've read they all say that the humans died off thousands of years ago." Twilight said.
"Well I don't know what to tell you. We've been around the entire time, we just didn't want to be bothered." I said, not quite sure how I felt about what I had just heard.
"Wow, humans must be great at hide and seek if we thought they were extinct this whole time!" Pinkie Pie said.
"Where have all of you been?! Equestria alone has sent out countless amounts of search parties looking for any evidence of humans ever since we learned about them!" Twilight questioned sounding quite astounded.
"Look, when humans don't want to be found, we usually aren't." I said, hoping that would be enough for her, and thankfully it was.
The rest of the train ride was the girls asking me every question that popped into their heads for 12 years… At least that's what it felt like.
I checked my phone once we got to the station and it turned out it was only about an hour or so. "Alright, I think we're at the station, let's go." Said Twilight as her and her group got up and started heading out the door. "William, what are you waiting for?" She asked.
"Oh I'm just gonna make sure I have everything before I go." I lied. Luckily she bought it, and left with the rest of her friends. As soon as she was gone I snuck out the back door and met them out front of the train. "What took you all so long?" I asked sarcastically.
They all seemed confused as to how I beat them getting off of the train, but before they could question anything, "Anyone need any help with their bags?" I asked before getting pelted by bags. "Ever heard of traveling light?" I joked under my breath.
"So sugar cube, where are y'all headin'?" Asked Applejack.
"Well a little birdy told me you could use some help on your farm this harvest, is that true?" I asked.
"Well shoot, I suppose I could use some help with Big Mac bein' injured and all. Whad'ya say? I can't really pay ya but I can provide room and board." She offered.
"You've got yourself a deal." I said, giving her a hand/hoof shake.
"Well girls, I had better be off. I've been away from my poor little animals for too long already." Said Fluttershy.
"Yeah, and I gotta go set up tomorrow's rainstorm. I suggest every one of you stay inside, it's gonna be a doozy." Warned Rainbow Dash before she darted off.
"OOOoooh! I have to throw you a Welcome to Ponyville Party! Or maybe a Welcome Back to Society Party, since we thought you were extinct, Oh! I know! A Welcome to Ponyville and Back to Society Party! I gotta go start planning!" Pinkie explained before bounding off towards Sugarcube Corner.
"I too should get going. I have a large shipment of new fabrics from Saddle Arabia coming in. Honestly dear you should come by some time and let me make you some more… eloquent, clothes." Rarity said to me before heading off towards her boutique.
"I know you just got here, and you probably have work tomorrow, but could you come over to my house so I can run some tests on you, and maybe ask you some questions?" Asked Twilight with a slightly unsettling expression.
"Well, I'd have to ask my boss." I said, glancing towards Applejack.
"Well sure thing, just have him back before 11 tonight." She said.
"Alright, well we'd better get going then, we've got a lot to do in only a couple hours. Bye Applejack!" Twilight said before teleporting us into her house.
After a couple hours of random and somewhat odd tests, as well as a few awkward questions on Twilight's part, she thanked me, and teleported me back to Applejack's farm. I had no idea where I was expected to stay so I just crashed in the barn on a hay bale. The next morning I was woken up by an obnoxious rooster. I assumed that meant it was the break of dawn, but I also assumed that meant Applejack was up, so I went inside the house.
"Well there you are. Where did you go? I couldn't find you anywhere in the house this morning." She asked.
"I didn't know where you were expecting me to sleep, and I didn't want to wake anybody up, so I crashed in the barn." I said, pulling some hay out of my hair.
"Well shoot, I didn't realize I forgot to tell you, you're going to be sleeping in my room and I'm gonna take the couch." Said Applejack sympathetically.
"Not gonna happen. I'm not gonna just walk up in here after you were kind enough to give me a job and then take your room. I can sleep on the couch, I used to all the time at the colony." I said stubbornly.
"Well, I guess if you're okay with that. Also, we need to talk about some of those words you've been usin'." She said. So, over breakfast I explained what some of the words I was using was, and she told me what they said in Equestria. Pretty much I realized that I should start saying "pony" instead of "body", like in "everypony".
During breakfast I was acquainted with her older brother Big Mac, her grandma Granny Smith, and her little sister Apple Bloom, who blushed as soon as she saw me for some unsettling reason, that I made a mental note to ask her about later (-THIS WILL NOT BE WHAT SOME OF YOU ARE THINKING!). After that we headed out and she began explaining what I would be doing. Pretty much it was my job to set up buckets for the apples, and then take the buckets back to the barn, get new buckets, and repeat. I told her I could help gather the apples with machines if I got the right tools, but she seemed to not like that idea.
When I asked why she said "Well, this here farm has been in the Apple family for more generations than I can count, and in all that time they did it all by hoof, so I believe we should too." Applejack stated proudly.
"I see, well it's not my place to tell a mare how to live her life." I stated. "So I'm assuming no machines setting up the buckets either?" I asked.
"Nope." She said, simply enough.
"Well, alright I suppose." I said, a little bit down that my life was going to be that much more difficult.
"I'm glad y'all understand. Now, y'all will be starting tomorrow, but for now you have the day off, and I have to go get Applebloom ready for school. Bye Will." She called.
I paused for a moment, not used to having a nickname, but I wasn't about to complain. I made my way into town and eventually I found Rarity's place. It looked like a palace of fashion, and eloquence that I made a mental note to change. As I entered a little bell above the door rung, making my presence known.
"I'll be right with you." called Rarity. After a couple of minutes of me checking out her house, she made her way downstairs. "Ahh, why hello Darling, have you taken my advice and come by to get fitted for some more… eloquent clothes?" She asked.
"Well I would say yes, but I don't have any bits yet, so I'm afraid I'm not." I said, suddenly realizing my lack of acceptable currency and feeling utterly like a moron.
"Don't be silly dear, the sheer publicity of you wearing my clothes will be more than enough payment, I'm sure." She responded.
Sadly, I had a feeling she was right. I was, from what I could tell so far, one of the first humans to be seen since the Colony went into hiding, and that was a couple thousand years ago. So, despite my hopes of not getting too much attention, it seemed somehow inevitable.
"Alright Rarity, let's see what you can do." I said.
After a fairly short couple of hours, and a few awkward moments with Rarity being 'awestruck', if you know what I mean, I had 3 new pairs of pants, 4 new shirts, including a button up, a second pair of shoes, 5 new pairs of socks, and a tux.
"Thanks Rarity, I really appreciate it." I called from the door as I began walking over to Pinkie's place for some food, but before I could make it a fancy looking carriage flew down in front of me.
"Mr. William?" Asked the lead pegasus, who if I had to guess was a guard.
"The one and only." I replied, slightly confused as to what was going on.
"Your presence has been requested by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna at once." He stated.
"No thanks." was my reply, which caused a fair amount of ponies around me to simultaneously gasp.
"Sir, I don't quite think you understood me: it wasn't an offer." He said, walking up to me and attempting to look me in the eyes, despite him being easily 2 feet shorter than I was.
"Look buddy, I don't think you understood Me, I'm not going, if she really wants to see me then she can come here, I mean can't she teleport?" I stated, causing several jaws to drop.
"I'm sorry I have to do this Sir, but the Princess's orders-." He said, getting into what I could only assume was his "battle stance".
That is, until he noticed me walking away towards Pinkie's. I had a feeling he was angry already, so I was prepared when he charged full speed at me as I was walking away. I quickly sidestepped and sent him barreling into the brick wall of a nearby home. I'd say just about every pony that was within view of what just happened was in shock for one reason or another, be it me blowing off their Princess's, or what just happened to the guard who just launched himself face first into a brick wall. Soon after the collision, the rest of the guard-pegasi flew over to him, put him into the back of the carriage and flew off as quickly as they could to inevitably tell on me.
I didn't mind much though, for a few reasons; For starters, I did nothing wrong other than refuse to be whisked away by some random pegasi, and there was also the fact that I technically had diplomatic immunity, so the worst they could do was expel me, and last but certainly not least, the ponies ode a good deal to the humans for one reason or another, and I know Celestia and Luna would have to agree. So, with those three things in mind I continued walking to the delicious looking bakery that was Pinkie Pie's home. Right as I was about to step into the door though, I was teleported away into a room with a large white alicorn and a slightly smaller dark blue one.
"Seriously, you could not have more terrible timing," I said, upset I didn't get to eat anything; I was starting to get pretty hungry.
"Why hello to you too." Said Celestia in a nonchalant tone. "So, what's this I hear about you assaulting one of my royal guards?" She questioned.
"You mean the pegasus who flew into a brick wall?" was my response, which caused Celestia and Luna to both receive questioning and confused looks upon their faces. "Yeah, I'll take the blame for that one, but I didn't even touch the poor guy, he just lost his temper is all." I explained.
"I see... we'll have that matter looked into." Celestia replied.
"So why did you want to talk to me?" I asked.
"Why did you not accept my carriage to the palace?" she retorted.
"Why didn't you just teleport me here to begin with?" I challenged slightly.
"Because it isn't polite." She said in a way that seemed like she was trying to make me feel bad for being 'oh so rude'.
"Fair enough." was all she got from me.
"Anyways, back to the matter at hoof. Welcome to Equestria, I'm sure you'll find it quite, amazing." She said in a slightly arrogant tone.
"Yeah it's alright." I said, crushing any arrogance she had. "A-alright? Not amazing? Or Fantastic?" She stuttered slightly.
"Nah, just alright." I replied. I swear I saw her eye twitch a little.
"Well, I suppose you just haven't been around long enough to see how truly wonderful Equestria is." She spoke, mainly to herself I think.
"Actually I'd say I have." I said with a bit of a smirk. "With all do respect, with all the medical advancements we've had, odds are I've 'Been around' longer than you have." I retorted.
At this point she was giving me a death glare, and I knew that if she thought she could get away with it, she would have killed me on the spot. Now some people would have gotten a little scared at knowing that, but I realized two things first. One, she hasn't killed me yet, so odds are she won't. And two, I could pretty much do whatever I wanted because technically I had diplomatic immunity. As this epiphany hit me, I decided to have some fun.
"You know I'm was actually bit surprised at how technologically behind you guys are." I said, causing her to smirk a little.
"That's because magic is far superior than technology ever could be." She said, sounding ever so smug and cocky.
And I knew as soon as I heard that remark made with such emotions, that I just had to take that moment from her. "Celestia, do you know how magic works?" I asked her. "And not just how to do it, but how to create it?" I finished.
She immediately froze, either in doubt or shock of what I was implying. I quickly pulled out my phone and switched over to a scientific website purely focused on the study of magic. She quickly levitated it over to herself and as soon as she saw it her jaw dropped. Luna quickly became interested and easily took the phone from her stunned magical grasp. Upon seeing it, she reacted with a nod of approval and whistle to match. After a few moments of Celestia being apparently frozen in place, Luna took the reigns of the conversation (I know, I'm terrible).
"Well, back to the topic at hoof." Luna spoke. "For starters, we want to know a few things, like how the humans are doing? Or any possible trade opportunities we could open?" She asked, sounding a bit excited herself as she spoke.
"I'm sorry, but I can't say much about our trades, but I can safely say that we're doing pretty good." I replied, crushing her excitement a little, despite my wishes; Luna seemed a bit less egotistical than her sister.
"Very well, and I am very glad to hear that you are all doing alright." She spoke with genuine happiness. "Anyways, onto our second matter at hand: I don't suppose you have any Bits?" She asked.
"No, but I was thinking I could just exchange some cash at the bank." I replied, pulling out some Twenties.
"No no no, that won't do. I'm afraid that Your 'Cash' isn't a viable means of currency anymore. Simply put no one would take it." She said. "But, I am prepared to offer you some financial help, as it were." She responded, causing me to cock an eyebrow at her.
"Look, I'm not interested in taking money I haven't earned." I replied: I didn't like owing other people favors, especially the diplomatic types.
"Well I am glad to inform you that is not what we are here to offer." She said happily.
"Then what is it?" I questioned, very suspicious of what was to come.
"This." She said simply, materializing a piece of paper and a quill from thin air and levitating them to me.
As I read the large bold words towards the top of the page, I was a little bit shocked, and a little bit curious. "An aptitude test?" I questioned.
"Yes, we offer them to all incoming creatures of different races to help them try to fit in." She explained.
"I see…" I said, glancing over the paper. "Alright I guess, thanks Luna." I said as I sat down and began filling it out. After about an hour or so, I had finished the, arguably, overly-detailed test, and had passed it over to Luna and a no-longer frozen Celestia, who both seemed to gasp at my results. "Oh boy."
