Disclaimer: do not own Harry Potter, or any of the marauders and make no money from this harmless bit of writing...more's the pity...
Prologue
There is a little known quirk of Hogwarts castle.
The illustrious founders themselves had no hand in it. The castle was her own entity, and very much maternal in many ways. She took on a life of her own at times, and strange things happened within her halls. From a lonely child finding their way mysteriously to the kitchens for a cup of hot chocolate, to the discovery of new rooms and objects. The children that roamed her halls were her own, even when they left her halls.
But like many women, she was temperamental, and she got bored. She had been around for quite a long time you know, and even castles filled with mischievous rule breaking children were bound to get tired of the monotony of life. Especially during the summer, but that is another story.
Few actually knew what the castle was capable of. There was so much magic there. And therein lay the problem. For mixing boredom and mass amounts of magic do not always end well. And don't doubt that there was plenty of magic, for young witches and wizards tend to throw plenty of it about, failed spells are not due to lack of magic, and that magic has to go somewhere...
Hogwarts definitely was quite bored now, and in possession of quite a bit of magic. There had been some powerful witches and wizards through in the past several years. Now she only needed an excuse to use it. So she stretched he awareness out, brushing gently and with fondness against the Headmaster, and around the various halls. The ghosts felt themselves grow warmer for just a moment, and even Moaning Myrtle stopped her moping at the mysterious touch.
She soon found her awareness drawn to a great amount of upset pouring out of a young woman, and irritation from a young man. A special young man she had a particular fondness of. Hogwarts was sometimes biased and she definitely liked him and the fellows he tended to spend most of his time with. The girl however was unfamiliar, and she grew interested in what was happening. It took a great deal of magic to raise herself to a higher consciousness, but with an effort she managed, and with no small amount of smugness, she was able to "hear" everything in the castle. Drawing herself back to the two who had drawn her attention, she focussed until their words could be heard.
"Fuck you Sirius!"
"I'd rather not-"
"This isn't about you, you stupid prat! Or about me! It's about how you've treated every single girl you've ever gone with!"
"And what exactly does that have to do with-"
"You know what? For once in your life I wish that you would know what it was like! To be a woman and to be treated like you do practically every girl at Hogwarts!"
With those harsh words the girl left, leaving Sirius Black alone, and quite irritated.
He wasn't the only one however. It didn't take Hogwarts much more magic to realize he had jilted another one of her girls. Just one in a long line of many, but, the castle thought to herself, the girl had a point. She started to grasp the magic left to her, this would certainly be amusing after all, and it was a lesson many could do with, and carefully cast her spell.
At that moment everyone at Hogwarts felt a chill go down their spine, though they wouldn't discover why for several hours yet.
The castle used up most of the store of magic left, but she was about to be quite entertained for a while to come.
Remus Lupin woke early, far earlier than any of his friends did. He liked mornings, they were quiet. As much as he cared about his friends, they were a rowdy bunch, and a little down time was much appreciated from their antics. He yawned, and stretched, and then got out of bed and padded quietly across the dorm, retrieving his bath things and heading for the bathroom.
Once there he sleepily flicked the water on, extra hot, and then started to undo the buttons on his pyjama top. The steam drifting through the bathroom woke him a little more. It was when he'd gotten halfway through that he paused and wrinkled his nose. Something soft was brushing gently against his hands, and some kind of weight lay heavily on his chest.
Suspicious, as it was not unknown for the Marauders to prank each other, he undid the last few buttons and yanked the shirt open. Then he blinked, and dropped one side of the shirt to poke himself. They were soft, and round, and squishy, and under any other circumstances he'd be over the moon to be touching them...but there was no denying he was now the surprised owner of a lovely pair of breasts.
He huffed, and then reached for his wand, casting a 'Finite', only nothing happened. It was a kind of joke for Sirius to refer to him as the girl of the group, but this was really taking it too far. He shook his head and then flinched as something damp and heavy hit his neck. Incredulously he reached for his head only to find a sandy lock of hair plastered with steam against his skin.
Now thoroughly panicking, he grasped the waistband of his pants and took a peak. He gaped at what he saw and now anger began to fog his mind. It was one thing to give a bloke a pair of breasts as a joke, and quite another to mess with his...well...it was wrong! Letting the band snap back in to place he growled under his breath and started marching for the door, then stopped and angrily buttoned his top up again. No need to give a free show to the pervert.
"SIRIUS WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?!" He shouted, freaking out even more because his voice came out much too high and sweet sounding to his ears, and he used his wand to flick the bed curtains back and yank Sirius in to the air by the ankle, ignoring his yelps and protestations of ignorance.
"Oi Moony, it's kinda early...What the bloody hell..." A feminine voice came from James' bed and a tousled long black haired woman's face peeked out from the curtains and ogled Sirius dangling in midair. Which cleared a little of the red haze that had grown over Remus' vision and he really looked at Sirius, and he let his arm drop, causing Sirius to tumble through the air and land in an undignified heap.
It was well known that Sirius liked to sleep in his pyjama pants, he'd sleep starkers if the rest of them hadn't protested vehemently against it. But in this case, it seemed Sirius wasn't the one at fault, and neither apparently was James. And it must be said Sirius had the largest set of knockers he'd yet to see on a bird. Even Rosmerta's didn't compare.
At that point neither James nor Remus could gather much intelligence to speak as Peter finally made an appearance, as a rather cute chubby girl with a cherubic face. He too was struck speechless at the sight of his friends and hardly took time to notice his own changed appearance.
Then Sirius managed to right himself and get a look at Remus and and the rest, and burst out laughing.
"So this IS your fault!" Remus said angrily, brandishing his wand again, but grew speechless when Sirius got to his feet and began testing the weight of his...endowments, poking them and tossing his rather long luxurious hair over his shoulder. "Brilliant!" He exclaimed, his voice throaty and horrifyingly sexy sounding to Remus. The Marauder's looked on with mixed expressions of fascination and horror as Sirius then gave an experimental bounce, and then grimaced, reaching up to rub the offending body parts. "Ouch that hurt."
James let out a sort of strangled noise and Peter just grew more wide eyed. Remus finally managed to snap back to reality and hastily summoned a pillow and directed it at Sirius' chest. "STOP feeling yourself up!" Sirius pouted, but caught the pillow, holding it so as to hide his chest. "Why, like it Moony?" Sirius smiled coquettishly and stuck out his hip, only demonstrating how curvy his new body was.
Remus gave a strangled groan of his own and then marched across the room and flung Sirius' trunk open, ignoring his friend's protests, he yanked a shirt out and then grabbed Sirius and yanked the article of clothing over his head, trying to ignore the furious blush that he could feel rising on his face. He also gave Sirius a cuff upside the head for good measure.
"Oi, don't have to be so rough-Ouch! Moony!" Sirius pouted, rubbing his head, causing his hair to become tangled.
"If this is some idea of a joke Sirius, I swear-" James finally had gotten out of bed, glancing down at his own new busty presence, and stood clenching his fists.
"Why do you all think it was me?" Sirius whined, pouting some more. All three cringed. Sirius...well apparently oozed just as much sex appeal as a woman as he did as a man. Peter had gotten to his own feet now and gave his own chest an experimental poke.
"Stop that!" Remus admonished, causing Peter to drop his hand and look uncomfortable.
"C'mon Moony, don't act like it wasn't the first thing that crossed your mind." Sirius said, crossing his arms across his chest and then frowning when it was more difficult to do than he'd first thought.
"That's not the point!" Remus snapped, "The point is we've mysteriously become women overnight, and apparently none of us are to blame!" He gesticulated wildly in the air and punctuated his words with stabs of his wand.
"Well have you tried removing it?" asked Sirius, now reaching for his own wand and casting the finite spell. Nothing happened and he tried a few other spells, still to no effect. Then James muttered something and cast a diagnostic spell he had picked off of Pomfrey on one of his many visits to the Hospital Wing.
He squinted at the readings and then ruffled his hair, grimacing when his long locks got in the way. "Well, according to this, there isn't nothing wrong with us, it's like were always were female..."
"How is that even possible?" Remus asked, crossing to examine James' evidence. Peter whimpered in the background and fidgeted, wringing his pyjamas in his hands.
At that moment a horrified yell echoed up from the common room and the Marauders wasted no time in dashing to the door. Outside was chaos, all the boys in Gryffindor Tower piled out of their rooms, all as women, and over the ledge they could see that the girl's hadn't been left unaffected either.
"POTTER! BLACK!" An angry voiced promising death and ruin reached their ears and both boys in question flinched. An auburn haired man was marching steadily up the stairs, pushing hapless Gryffindors out of his way, brandishing a wand and followed by several other uncomfortable looking boys, some in nighties and others in bathrobes.
"Evans?" Sirius blinked, "Is that you?" He nudged James in the side, whose mouth had fallen open and was gaping at his future wife with pain in his eyes. Her eyes were still the same flashing green, and the stance of her feet planted apart and hands on her hips just screamed "Lily".
"Of course it bloody well is you prat! I swear you've gone too far this time, now turn everyone back or so help me, I'll-!" She stopped her tirade abruptly as she finally stood before them, and realized that the resident pranksters and trouble makers extraordinaire were not their usual selves.
"Why does everyone automatically think it was me?" Sirius grumbled again and gestured to himself. "It definitely wasn't!" Remus elbowed him in the side and Peter sniffled, the trauma of the moment really getting to him. James tried once again to ruffle his hair and failed horribly, only making more of a mess of it than it already was.
Lily seemed to have regained her momentum as she glared daggers in Sirius' direction, "How do we know you didn't just let yourselves be changed as well? You could just be trying to deflect suspicion from yourselves!" she accused, and the crowd around them seemed to grow closer and voices started to rise in anger. People were starting to put together what happened and label it as a prank, and they weren't happy about it.
"It really wasn't us Lily!" James exclaimed, stepping forward, "We only just woke up like this, we have no idea how this happened, I swear!" Lily's green eyes snapped to James and she sneered, "Sure, and Binns isn't a ghost! What do you take me for? For all I know you perverts did this for some creepy, sick experiment!" She stabbed her wand in their direction, sparks flying out of the tip, causing some to hit Peter, who was closest.
Peter's yelp of pain was drowned out however as the Marauder's all exclaimed angrily and protested against be called perverts, wands were being aimed now and people were stepping back, or pressing forward, ready to join the fray or escape when a loud voice stridently interrupted the argument.
"That is ENOUGH!"
An older man wear a tartan bathrobe was storming up the stairs, his own wand out and with a flick separated the would-be combatants. The students all gaped, and even Lily stopped glaring at James and Sirius long enough to stutter, "P-prof-professor?!"
For indeed it was Professor McGonagall, with her Scottish accent and all.
"For Merlin's sake! There is no way these four, as talented for mischief as they are, could have pulled this off! Now, Miss Evans, and the rest of you, kindly make yourselves presentable and assemble in the Great Hall as soon as you can." She said, tightening the robe around herself, a hand smoothing her now rather short hair in an unconscious habit. "This hasn't happened all over has it?" A plaintive voice raised in question. Stiffly McGonagall nodded, "It has indeed happened to everyone in the castle that we can tell. Even the house elves weren't excluded...Now all of you, make yourselves presentable and do as I say! The Headmaster has asked that we all assemble for an announcement."
With that the crowd started to disperse and the girl's walked back to their dormitories, and the boys vanished back in to their rooms and up the stairs. McGonagall left, muttering distractedly under her breath and taking a moment to inform the prefects and James and Lily as Head Boy and Girl to organize everyone and take care of any mishaps.
After she left through the portrait Lily immediately turned on Sirius again, who was waiting for James, "I don't know how, but I know somehow you are to blame for this Black! Mark my words, you're going to bloody well pay for it!" she shot at him, before leaving.
"Is she serious?! I didn't have anything to do with this, I swear." Sirius said, kicking a poufy chair violently as they passed it. Then spotting the expression on James' face, "Don't even think about it!" He stormed off, and James snickered, watching his best mate flounce off in a huff was so much more amusing now that his body matched his temperament.
"But you're-" James called after his best mate.
"Don't say it!"
A/N: So yeah this is my nanowrimo project for this month. It's silly and crackish. I swear I don't even know where this came from, it just hit me out of the blue. At any rate, I hope you like it, let me know what you think!
Question: What do you think Dumbledore should look like as a woman? Personally there are some aspects of his appearance I can't seem him without, even if he did swap genders...
~And now 'til we meet again
Adios, au revoir, auf wiedersehen
Good Night!
