Harry Potter and the Indecisive Title

Italic: Text (letters or books, etc., thoughts, or Riddle's Diary

"Normal with quotes: Dialogue"

Normal without quotes: Harry writing in Riddle's Diary; speaker tags; narration

Bold: emphasis

Underline: Parseltongue

In the aftermath of Sirius' death, Harry Potter became depressed. I mean very depressed, so depressed he...well let's face it, he became an emo.

"Hey! I did not" says Harry.

"Shut up Harry, get out of my narration" replies the extremely talented writer, who is also the narrator. The writer so talented and so...

"...Vain?" supplies an increasingly annoying Harry. Temporarily ignoring the regular Harry, who is too busy being ignored to not not be needed. Also there weren't not lots of double negatives. Or were there? Maybe not.

"Topic!" shouted Harry.

Er, right. Anyway, Harry became depressed. He was sitting in his bedroom at number 4 Privet Drive, contemplating suicide, when an owl flew in through the open window. It dropped two letters. The first was from his dealer telling him that his monthly supply of pot was delayed indefinitely. No fix for emo boy. The second letter was from Gringotts Bank:

Dear Mr. Potter,

Please find enclosed the last will and testament of

Sirius A. Black.

(signed) Gringott—owner and founder of Gringott's bank.

To Mr. Harry James Potter,

I, Sirius A. Black, being of sound mind, body, etc. (except that I'm dead) hereby give you all my property excluding Buckbeak whom I have already given to Hagrid. You now have 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 Galleons added to your account as well as number 12 Grimauld Place and everything inside it. This is a ridiculous sum of money however if it stops you from becoming an emo than you can have it.

Sincerely, Sirius A. Black

(The 'A' stands for 'bullsh*t')

Solely to disrupt continuity and annoy the author, Harry pulled out Riddle's Diary (which was still Riddle's Diary. Even I, the narrator, have no explanation except its both AU and OOC and probably some other things that I, the Narrator, in my *cough*infinite wisdom*cough*, know nothing about.). He started to write:

Had a crappy day.

Was it that bad?

Yes it was. I'm becoming a freaking emo.

Don't become an emo. Please.

Yeah, okay. What do I do then?

Hey, you know that Dumbledore is a manipulative lying prick.

Yes...and?

You don't really want to fight for him do you?

No, not really.

Oh, I know! Join Voldemort.

Okay. Heil Voldemort!

First of all, I was joking, and never, ever, say that ever again.

Sorry. Where the hell did that come from??

I dunno, ask the narrator. Have you been watching those World War II documentaries on the History channel again?

To which the narrator replies: what happened to the fourth wall? And please Harry, don't EVER say that again.

Anyway, how does one go about finding Voldemort to join him anyway?

Just write him a letter. You have a smart owl; she should be able to figure it out.

Okay then.

Harry closed the Diary, took out his quill and began to write. Then he remembered that he didn't have any ink. Wondering why the hell they didn't use ballpoint pens in the Wizarding World, he pulled out a pen he had stolen from Dudley's room and started to write:

Voldemort,

It has come to my attention that I want to join you. I need to get out of here and Dumbledore is a lying manipulative bastard. What do I do? Can you help?

Harry

Harry rolled up the letter and gave it to Hedwig to take to Voldemort. About half an hour later Hedwig returned with a letter that read:

Harry,

I will help you. this letter is a portkey to Knockturn Alley. Go to the bookstore and buy Secrets of the Dark Arts, The Dark Arts, Beginner's Guide to the Dark Arts, and Useful Dark Spells. Then go to Dowan's shop at 124 Knockturn Alley and wait for me outside. Look through the books while you wait if you like. I look forward to it.

Voldemort

Harry felt the familiar jerk that meant the portkey was working and felt himself land outside the bookstore in Knockturn Alley. He went inside and looked around. He found all the books fairly easily and noticed how much lighter they were than he had expected. He bought the books, getting weird looks from the cashier, and went outside. He had to walk up and down the street three times before he found Dowan's shop.

He sat on the almost too conveniently placed bench and had a look at The Dark Arts. It read much like a textbook except it was a lot easier to follow, easier to read, and had detailed summaries, explanations, instructions, and illustrative diagrams. It was designed for one to be able to read and understand without a teacher or someone to answer questions. He had just finished reading the introductory chapter when Voldemort tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hello Harry. Glad you could make it." Voldemort smiled. It was a twisted smile, sort of mocking, but strangely comforting, Voldemort meant no harm.

"Hello. I uh... you know why I'm here right?"

"Yes I do. I trust you found all the books?"

Harry nodded. "What now? I have the books."

"Come into the shop, we need to buy a few things. Have a look around while you're here. I can answer any questions you have." This was not the same Voldemort that had tried to kill Harry several times or the Voldemort that Dumbledore kept warning everyone about. Harry looked around and saw several strange items. Borgin and Burke's was a dump compared to this place. Harry had never seen so many Dark artifacts in one place before. One item that caught his eye was a black dog collar-type choker necklace with sharp spikes sticking out of the sides in a glass case.

"What is that?" he asked Voldemort, gesturing at the case.

"It's for werewolves" replied Voldemort, "it allows them to transform at will as well as keep their minds when they do. It is the only one in existence, or all werewolves would have one.

"Why, are they hard to make?"

"No it's quite easy actually, but it has two side effects. The first is that once put on, it will never come off until the wearer dies, and the second is that if it is worn by someone who is not a werewolf, they will instantly become one."

"Wow."

Sensing Harry's interest, Voldemort summoned the shopkeeper, Dowan.

"How much is this?" asked Voldemort.

"F...for you, Master, it is f...free of c...charge." replied the shopkeeper, excited and terrified at the prospect of the Dark Lord himself being in his shop at all.

"There you go Harry. Try it on" said Voldemort, handing the necklace to Harry. "And let me know if you see something else you like." Voldemort retreated into a back room to speak with the shopkeeper, even though they and Harry were the only ones in the shop, or the Alley for that matter.

Harry went to the bathroom and put on the necklace in the mirror. He instantly felt a surge of energy rush through him and watched himself turn into a grey wolf in the mirror. He changed back to normal and saw that his eyes, usually the deepest green, were dark red. He walked out of the bathroom and saw a pair of bracelets that matched the necklace. He grabbed them (his first real evil act) and put them on. He thought that completed the look in a way. Looking around, he saw a book titled Easy Animagus and grabbed it as well; unaware that Voldemort was watching him through the wall. Ten minutes later, Voldemort and the shopkeeper came out of the back room.

"Time to go Harry." said Voldemort and they left the shop. Once they were outside and out of earshot, Voldemort turned to Harry.

"Well done back there. I was a bit disappointed that you didn't take more but it's a start. Now, on to the matter of the Trace, you need to get rid of it. Close your eyes and focus on yourself, see your body, your clothes, your wand. Now concentrate, see your magical aura and the Trace itself, surrounding it, restricting it. Now picture the Trace disappearing, and your aura getting bigger, it may change colour."

Harry did just that and saw his aura change colour; at first it was a small dark speck in a field of white but the speck grew until it swallowed all the light. If another person was there to see it would look like Harry was being encased in a vast cocoon of darkness. He felt oddly light, as if a vast weight had been lifted.

"Now then, we have to disable your Blocks. Lets see." Voldemort pulled out a list that read:

Harry James Potter

Abilities:

Potions:98% Blocked

Charms:30% Blocked

Werewolf:10% Blocked

Dark Arts:110% Blocked

Metamorphmagus:99% Blocked

Voldemort tapped Harry with his wand and muttered something. The Blocks vanished and the list became a blank piece of paper.

"What's a block?" Harry asked.

"I quite honestly don't know" Voldemort replied. "Now, its time to apparate back."

Voldemort gripped Harry's arm and they vanished in a swirl of darkness.

They rematerialized in a graveyard; Harry looked around and noticed that it was not the same graveyard they had gone to in his fourth year.

"Where are we?" asked Harry.

"We're at the Death Eaters' camp."

"I have a few questions. First of all, what about the prophesy?"

"Actually there were two prophesies. Either of which could occur. Dumbledore didn't know, but the other one said that the Chosen One (you, m'boy) would eventually join me. I have a copy here"

Voldemort rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a small orb. Harry and Voldemort stared at it but nothing happened.

"Dammit, must be broken again"

Voldemort banged it against a gravestone and it began to play a message.

"You have...one...new message. Message play. In the dark of night, the Wolf will join the Snake. The Chosen One will join the Dark lord and cast a shadow upon the land. When the Wolf meets the Snake. Message end. You have…no…new messages."

"There you have it; the wolf will join the snake"

"Not very poetic, oddly specific though. It makes sense sort of. I'm the wolf and you're the snake" said Harry.

"Exactly. If you cast a patronus now you'll find its changed form; anyway, on to more important matters. "Now I need to cast a Glamour on you so you won't be recognized"

"Okay, you had me at 'cast'. What's a 'Glamour'?"

"I don't know exactly. It's a new trend in fanfiction that wasn't in any of the books. I guess the author used it 'cause he thinks he's cool or leet or something."

Oi! What happened to the friggin' fourth friggin' wall? I am the great and powerful Oz…I mean Narrator! Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain…uh…I mean with the laptop! Oh whatever. I did not plagiarize from the Wizard of Oz, and I don't have the script right here."

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