The Greatest Thing
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc
OoOps: Beyond Misconceptions, Nervous, Invincible Summer, Choices Revisited, Winter Warriors, In the Poppy Fields, Tribulations, Needy Child, The Greatest Thing
When I wake up tomorrow,
Will you still feel the same?
When I wake up tomorrow,
Will you have changed?
'cuz I still feel the same
"Here in Your Bedroom," Goldfinger
Tuesday
"Sam I gotta talk to you, it's an emergency," I said breathlessly as I burst into Sam's office.He looked up from his laptop and blinked. "Are you ok?"
"Yes...no...I don't know," I admitted.
"All right," he replied slowly. "What's happened?"
"I don't want to tell you here," I admitted.
"Josh, it's January," he said, wincingly.
"I know," I said softly, "But it's important."
"Ok," he sighed. "Can it hold until lunchtime? I can probably sneak away for a half hour then."
"Yeah, I can wait. I just need to talk to you, like today," I said, shoving my hands into my pockets.
"Then we will talk today. I just have to finish this first, ok?" he replied.
"Ok," I nodded. "Come get me when you're done."
Sam nodded as I backed out the door. "Josh, Leo's looking for you," Ginger said as I walked away from Sam's office.
"Thanks, Ginger," I replied. Leo was probably the last person I wanted to see just then. I didn't know if CJ had talked to him or not. But I knew better than to duck him, so I just went to face the music.
An hour and a half and three nerve-wracking meetings later, Sam appeared at my office door. "I've got 30 minutes, so you better talk fast," he announced.
"Then let's go," I said, grabbing my coat off the rack.
As soon as we ducked out the door, he said, "Go."
"All right," I said, taking a deep breath. "The other night, I went up to CJ's apartment. I don't really know why, I just couldn't sleep and I wanted to see if she was up, right?" He nodded encouragingly. "Well, we wound up in bed together," I said, glancing at him to see his face.
"Yeah? So?" Sam asked. "It's not the first time you and CJ have wound up sleeping in the same bed."
"No, Sam. Not sleeping," I sighed, glancing around to make sure there wasn't anyone around. It was a blustery January day, though. The street was much quieter than usual.
"Oh! Oh." Sam said, his eyes widening.
"Yeah." I said as he pulled me into a deli. We didn't say anything as we ordered and sat down with our food. "She's gonna tell Leo. I'm so dead. That and Donna told me this morning she's engaged."
"I still don't see what the problem is, here," Sam said, taking a bite of his sandwich. "I mean, it's not like you're not consenting adults."
"Ok, Sam, apparently you weren't listening. Let's recap: 1. I slept with CJ, 2. I think I may be in love with her, 3. She's gonna tell Leo, who is going to kill and then fire me, and 4, my assistant just told me this morning that she's getting married. So, yeah, I'm having something of a day!" I said, my voice rising on the last part.
"Shh," Sam said. "CJ and Leo will kill you if someone hears you."
"Do you now see how this is a problem?" I asked, quieter.
"Yes. But not for the reasons you seem to think," he said.
"Huh?" I asked.
"You think it's a problem because you think she's going to tell Leo and Leo will be mad at you. I think it's a problem because you think you love her," Sam clarified.
"Why is that the problem?" I asked.
"That's the problem because it's what's going to trip you up." Sam said, nodding. "If it were a one night stand, it wouldn't matter so much."
"I could never...Sam, it's CJ," I said, looking at him.
"Exactly. It's CJ. You're just figuring out something I've known for 5 years," Sam took another bite of his sandwich and a sip of iced tea. I drummed my fingers on the table impatiently, waiting for him to elaborate. "Oh!" he said, finally getting it. "Josh, it's not exactly news that you love CJ."
"No, I know that. I mean, she's like my sister," I said. "I'm in love with CJ. I think. It's all weird."
"I know." Sam said. "I've known that for years."
"You have?" I said, squinting at him. "How the hell did you know that? I spent I don't know how long thinking I had a thing for Donna."
"Well, you might not have been wrong there," Sam said. "But you and Donna would never work, and she's smart enough to know that. Besides, you had a thing for Donna because you had an even bigger thing for CJ and you didn't want anyone, yourself included, to know that. It's obvious."
"To who?!" I exploded.
"Shush!" Sam said. I took a deep breath and sat back. "Ok, then. Maybe not obvious to everyone, but obvious to me. I know you too well, Josh. You can't stand to go more than 24 hours without talking to CJ. You call her up on her day off to pester her about something completely unimportant. The months she was gone, you were a bear to deal with."
"I call Donna too," I pointed out.
"Yes, but you rely on CJ. If Donna's not home, you don't get as jumpy as you get when you haven't talked to CJ. And when something's wrong, you tell CJ first. You don't tell Donna hardly ever," he said, gathering up the detritus from his lunch. "Did you talk to CJ, do you know for sure she's going to talk to Leo?"
"No..." I said, trailing off. "I haven't talked to her."
"Today, or since that night," Sam asked, standing up.
I followed, despite the fact I hadn't touched my own lunch. "Since that night," I admitted.
"Josh!" Sam exclaimed.
"I didn't know what to say to her. I mean, what if she doesn't agree?" I said, defensively.
"Oh for pity's sake, Josh. Do you honestly believe CJ doesn't feel the exact same way?" he asked, grabbing my arm. I nodded, wincing. "Sometimes, you are dumber than a sack of hammers," he sighed.
"A sack of hammers?" I asked, smiling a little.
"It's something Ainsley says, I guess. Anyway. My point is, you need to talk to CJ. Today."
"I can't, Sam," I sighed.
"Yes, yes you can. And yes you will. It's important, Josh. You have got to talk to her." Sam's voice was intense, despite the fact his head was bent against the wind.
"I don't know..."
"I do know," he interrupted. "It's CJ, Josh. First of all, you love this woman, so you should want to talk to her. Second of all, who knows what sort of twisted around notion she's got by now because you've been avoiding her? Just because she's probably avoiding you, doesn't mean you can do the same. She's sure not going to contact you first. It's CJ. She specializes in avoiding problems. Finally, if you avoid her, you make it a one night stand. And I know you don't want that."
"Oh, God," I muttered. "You're right."
"Of course I'm right." Sam said, flashing his ID at the security kiosk. I dug mine out and did the same. "So you're going to talk to her."
"All right, all right," I sighed. "I will talk to her."
"Good. Because I'd have to bring the smackdown if you don't." he said. I snorted. "Ok, then. Are you ok?"
"I am ok," I said.
"Good. Because I have to get back to work. I can only allot 30 minutes to personal crises just now, although I'd give you my whole afternoon if I had it to give," he said, looking at me somewhat anxiously.
"No, I'm fine," I said, shaking my head. "Really, I am."
"Good then," he said, turning away to head towards his office.
"Sam!" I called out. He spun around, halfway down the hall already. "Thanks."
"No problem," he called back, waving me towards my office.
Friday
I set the pizza down on Toby's coffee table and cleared my throat.
"CJ. Where did you come from?" he asks, confused.
"You called me, remember?" I said, opening the box and handing him a slice before taking one for myself.
"Right," he said vaugely, staring at the plate on his desk.
"I'm a little more used to you bringing me food," I said, taking a bite of my pizza. "Eat."
Toby smirked and took a bite. "Humph"
"Not that I'm not enjoying it," I said, grinning over at him.
"Yeah, well," he said.
"Feels weird, though," I said, finishing my own slice.
"What? Making me eat?" he asked.
"No," I said, pulling my knees up to my chest. "Looking like a scrub in the West Wing."
"You don't look like a scrub," he scoffed.
"I'm wearing jeans with holes in the knees that are older than some of the interns in this building," I pointed out.
Toby laughed. "I don't know if that's possible."
"That they're older than an intern? I don't know, that girl who smacked Sam down was 19," I pointed out.
"Good point." he said. "Aren't you cold?" he asked, gesturing at my knees.
"I've got leggings on underneath, "I said. "See?"
"Ah, yeah," he said, leaning over his desk to look at my legs. I rolled my eyes and picked up another slice of pizza. "What did you do, pull them on over your pajamas?"
"Well, when someone calls me at 2 am and tells me he's completely, totally, truly stuck on the fifth section of the State of the Union, and he can't stand being inside his own head anymore, you really can't expect me to shower and everything, even if I am going to the White House," I yawned.
"I didn't expect you to," he said shaking his head.
"Good." I said. "Want another slice?"
"No, I'm good." he said. He picked up a piece of paper and sighed. "This used to be easier when your office was right down the hall." I didn't say anything. "I miss you, you know."
I knew he was exhausted and mired down in writing the State of the Union, is what I knew. But I knew it was true, too. "It's not like I've gone anywhere. I mean, Leo keeps reminding me I work here," I joked.
"Yes, I know. And you do," he said.
"It's not like you can't still come visit me in my office," I said, quietly.
"In January I can't," he pointed out. "And it's also not like you can't stop by here when you're in the building." I shrugged. "So, why are you avoiding me?"
"I'm not avoiding anyone," I protested.
"Yes you are. I haven't seen you all week and you didn't return my calls or respond to the email," he replied. "What's up?"
"Nothing," I said, wincing as my voice squeaked.
"Give," Toby said simply.
I bit my lip. "You can't tell anyone," I said softly. He rolled his eyes. "I slept with Josh," I blurted before I could stop myself.
Toby leaned back in his chair and just stared at me. "On purpose?" he asked.
"Yes. No. Sort of," I said, weaving my hands together nervously.
"Whose idea?" he asked.
"I don't really know. I'm not very sure what happened, I was really sleepy." I was aware that wasn't the best response I could give.
"Did you want to?" Toby asked, his voice darkening slightly.
"It was consensual, if that's what you're asking," I said. "Yes, I guess I did want to."
"Ok, then." He eyed me. "Who knows?"
"Well, me and Josh." He rolled his eyes again. "You. Maybe Sam."
"Probably Sam," he replied. I could tell he was putting pieces of something together.
"Probably Sam," I sighed.
"Are you going to tell Leo?" Toby asked.
"Well, I don't see how I can't tell Leo. Secrets are a bad idea, remember? I'm the one who came up with the strategy." I sighed.
"It's only a potential problem if you intend for it to happen again," Toby said quietly. I couldn't tell if he was hiding something from me in his tone or not.
"I think I love him," I whispered.
Toby didn't look surprised. "I guess it's a potential problem then."
We sat looking at each other for a moment. I was about to say something, perhaps apologize when Sam walked in the room. "I need food."
"There's pizza," I said, reaching for the box.
"Oh. Good." he said, slumping into the armchair next to the couch. "Wait. What time is it?" he asked, looking confused.
"It's about 3 am, I think," Toby sighed.
I glanced at my watch. "Closer to 4."
"Why are you here?" Sam asked.
"Eh, I couldn't sleep," I said, sidestepping the fact that Toby had wanted me to come. He shot me a look that I interpreted as being somewhat grateful.
"Why not?" Sam asked, now coming back into focus. I didn't reply. "CJ?" he asked.
"She slept with Josh," Toby said. I glared at him. "You were going to say it anyway," he said in response.
"Still." I said. "No need to broadcast my private life, thank you."
"Oh, I already knew that," Sam said. "I didn't know you knew," he said to Toby.
"I didn't until just now," Toby said. "Although it makes some things make more sense."
"Yeah. It really does, doesn't it," Sam said. "Like the other morning when Josh was..."
"Ok, ok," I said. "Enough."
"Are you really going to tell Leo?" Sam asked.
"Who told you I was going to tell Leo?" I asked. "No, Nevermind." I knew who'd told him.
"He thinks Leo will fire him," Sam said.
"Does he?" I said, a bit uncertain.
"Didn't he tell you?" Sam asked.
"I...we haven't talked," I said, not looking at either of them.
"Wait. You haven't talked to him since..." Sam asked.
"No." I played with the hole in my jeans.
"Sometimes, Joshua Lyman, you are too stupid to live," Sam sighed. I looked up at him. "I told him that he needed to talk to you. I must have repeated myself seven or eight times before I got him to say he would."
"He hasn't." I said. "Well, to be fair, I haven't either."
"Yes, well, you weren't sitting across from me at lunch the other day. Or I would have told you the same thing." Sam took a bite of his pizza. "Beer?"
"Nope," Toby replied. "We're out."
"How can we be out of beer?" Sam muttered. "Anyway, you need to talk to him."
"I don't know. If he's upset with me..."
Sam interrupted before I could finish the thought. "He's not upset with you. What gave you that idea?"
"You said he was afraid that Leo would fire him," I said.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he's upset with you. He's just...uncertain," Sam said.
"Makes two of them," Toby said under his breath. I could tell he was struggling to stay out of the whole situation. Toby practically never gets the urge to play yenta. In fact, I might be the only one who knows that occasionally, he likes to have a happy ending in front of him.
"Don't," I said, looking at Toby. He looked back blandly. "Just don't."
"Don't what?" Sam asked.
"Don't yenta me," I said.
"I'm not," Toby said.
Sam looked confused, but obviously shrugged it off due to lack of sleep. "So, then. You need to talk to Josh."
"I can't." I said.
"Sure you can. You've been talking to Josh for the better part of 5 years. It's not difficult. He does most of the talking anyway," Sam said.
"Yeah, but..." I trailed off, thinking of the early morning chill off the Tidal Basin. "Some things don't survive words."
"Some things can't survive unless there are words," Toby replied.
"Yeah, he's got ya there, CJ", Sam yawned. I glared at him but he didn't react. "Are we really out of beer?"
"Yes, we are really out of beer," Toby sighed. "And pie."
"Do you really want beer right now anyway?" I asked. "You'll fall asleep."
"That's the point," Sam said, scrubbing his hand over his face. "I probably can't fall asleep now if I tried."
I nodded, understanding completely. "Sam?" I asked.
"Yeah?" he said, interrupting his elaborate facial massage to peek at me through his fingers.
"What did Josh say?" I asked.
Sam thought a moment, pulling his hands away from his face. "No, I don't think I'll tell you."
"Sam!" I protested.
"CJ, he's my best friend. I can't always tell a third party what my best friend says," he said.
"Yeah, but he was talking about me," I pointed out.
"Then I'm especially not telling you. CJ, I love you dearly, but you're just going to have to dig down and talk to him. I'm not going to tell you what he said," he said, shaking his head.
"Fine," I said, slumping down with my arms crossed.
"Oh, don't sulk. I'm too tired," Toby sighed.
"I'm not sulking, I'm thinking," I muttered.
"What I don't get is how the two of you have managed to avoid each other for almost a week. You live in the same building for God's sake," Sam said.
"We don't live on the same floor, Sam," I replied.
"Still. You keep the same hours. You'd think you'd run into each other in the mail room or something," he muttered.
"Yes, well." I said. I didn't tell them I hadn't been checking my mail.
"Go talk to him," Toby said.
"Right now?" I said. "It's almost 4 am."
"He's probably awake," Sam said.
"He needs to be here in what, an hour?" I asked. "He's probably not awake."
"I don't think he's sleeping all that well," Toby said. I winced. "CJ, I didn't mean anything by it. Besides, if he is asleep, he'll want to wake up for you."
"You think?" I asked.
"I do." Toby said. Sam nodded in agreement.
"Well. Ok. If you don't need me," I said, shrugging.
"I am all right," Toby said.
"Me too," Sam said. "Go."
I sighed and stood up. "Fine. I'm going. But if he gets mad that I woke him up, I'm blaming you both," I said as I threw my coat on and walked out of Toby's office.
