I own nothing (thank god). i just wanted to make a parody on how i feel twilight should sound like. it's still basically the same plot (or lack thereof) but hopefully more interesting.
I've never really given much thought as to how i'd die. Other people did that for me. But dying in the place of a minor character who I didn't really respect seemed like a good enough way to die. My name is Isabella Swan. But don't call me Isabella or else my eye twitches like crazy. I only like Bella. I've been sent by my mom to live with my dad because she couldn't stand me anymore and would rather live happily as a cougar marrying a rockstar. My dad lives in Forks, the wettest place ever. I have little to no respect for my dad, so I call him Charlie, but not to his face. Since, as I said, Forks was wet and rainy, the only hand carry item I had with me was a piss yellow parka and a cactus. I didn't want to look lame.
The ride to Charlie's house was awkward. Charlie was a chief police officer. He wears his uniform where ever he goes.
"I found the perfect car for you," Charlie told me. "It was cheap and it's barely functional"
"Thanks Ch--Dad. Should I pay you?" I asked him.
"HA! I got it free. From Billy, you remember Billy? My bromance?" Charlie looked at my face to see if I remembered, almost hitting a boy scout with the car.
"Uh. No. Billy?"
"Yeah, we used to go fishing with him." He reminded me. No wonder I forgot. I didn't like remembering crap like that. Especially fishing. I didn't answer him and the rest of the ride was in silence.
Pulling up to Charlie's house, I saw it. It was a red truck. There were dents everywhere and a graffiti on the side that said "Loosen Up!" Whatever that meant. "It's perfect! I love it!" I jumped up and down like a kid in a candy store. Charlie chuckled and led me to the house.
"Well you know where your room is, so I just won't help you, proving that I am an unfit parent who doesn't give a damn about my child." He informed me, pointing up stairs.
"K thanks bye"
My room had not changed a bit. It was still colored a puke lavander colour and was filled with posters of Dora. It felt like home. One major problem. This house had only one bathroom, which I would have to share with Charlie. But oh well, that won't be given much light. I was a boring person, so instead of doing something fun like randomly driving to places I'd never go to with Charlie, I moped around the house with my eye twitching.
