A/N: I don't own Gravity Falls.
Ah, well, it's the first of the new year, and I got more tips for you people! AAGH! My stomach feels like it's eating me! How long have I been asleep? THIRTEEN DAYS? That little fink Gideon must have slipped something into my expired cider! KIDS! I need some help here! Shove food into my mouth until I can live! Soos, I'm gonna need you to cover this one.
1. Hey, dudes! So, uh, for celebrating the first day of New Year's Eve, you might want to clean up your house. If you're a wild party animal like me, then you may have dropped a couple of napkins and food trays! Ah, good times. For the best way to clean your house, I recommend a vacuum cleaner. No matter what furniture piece you're cleaning, a vacuum cleaner will always do the trick! My grandma taught me that. Also, it tends to start a lot of fires, so you're going to need a lot of water. Wait, Stan needs me. Yo, Mabel! Take over?
2. HI! I'm Mabel, and I'm proud to start my career as a writer! First, you don't want to pick the wrong New Year's Eve food! I know that I'm a day off, but it'll affect you the next example, Smile Dip isn't as good as people say it is. Trust me. Secondly, no matter how many times you eat scratch and sniff stickers, they're not going to get any more delectable! The same goes for glitter. Finally, beware of apple cider. For some reason, whenever Grunkle Stan drinks it, he gets a little loopy and starts crying about how his faith in Santa has been shattered forever! BYE! I'll get someone else take over, Duck-Tective is on!
3. Oink oink oink oink. Oink, oink, oink, wheeze oink grunt. Oink oink oink OINK SQUEAL….ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"DPQJQPAK:"KAK"AFKAFKAKFWPKAPKKFA
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4. Gah, Waddles! Stop rolling around on the computer screen! Uh, hey, I might as well write something. I mean, a weird fairy did just curse all of us into writing exactly what we're saying out loud, so I may as well take advantage of it. Party decorations are KEY! You must have colorful, efficient, and safe things, like balloons and stuff. I'm Dipper, and this is my contribution. Adios.
5. HI! I'm Bill Cipher, secretly hacking this computer! Listen, it's become a meme that I know lots of things. But, I actually don't know about celebrations. Therefore, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. The apocalypse is coming, and the cause is G-
