The Tragic Tale of Boymony
Chapter One: The First Chapter
It was a dark and sunny night. Lightning crackled across the cloudless sky and rain poured down in thick flakes. Mrs. Kendall was giving birth to their child, one who would change the world forever!
"You can do it honey!" Mr. Kendall said, his generic looking face looking like how one would expect his face to look like.
"Thank you for telling me that! Now I feel like I can!" Mrs. Kendall said cheerfully.
The doctor came in, dressed in doctor clothes. He looked at Mrs. Kendall and rubbed his hand on her throbbing belly.
"Hmmm…yes you are still pregnant. Let's see what we can do about that!"
"Okay! I can't wait to see our little girl, who we know is a girl because of the ultrasound we did earlier, showing that our girl is a girl!" Mr. Kendall said excitedly.
Mrs. Kendall gave one last mighty push and the child slipped into the doctor's hands. He wiped his hands on her shirt and then looked at the baby, blinking his eyes slightly as a jolt of lightning crashed through the ceiling and hit the baby.
"Huh. It's a boy. What are you going to name him?"
"We'll name her Harm-…wait. What?" Mrs. Kendall said
"It's a boy?!" Mr. Kendall said.
"Yes. And you have to name him now, or he can't be an American citizen."
"Oh crap. I don't know any boy names," Mrs. Kendall said.
"Wait…I have an idea. We were going to call her Harmony…but maybe if we just call him Har-"
"Harmony's a girl's name." The doctor said patiently.
"Shoot. There goes my idea."
"WAIT!" Mrs. Kendall said, "What if we combine the two? Boy and Harmony…combined they are…Melody!"
"Still a girl's name."
"Aria?"
"Girl."
"Boymony?" Mr. Kendall asked.
"Sounds good to me!" The doctor said gleefully, stamping the newly christened Boymony and holding him up high. "Get ready to face the world!"
Sixteen Years Later-ish…
"I am Cordelia Chase and am also the most popular girl in the school!"
"Yes you are!" Boymony said excitedly, clapping his manly hands together as his long flowing blond hair flipped around her head.
"That new Buffy girl is not!" Cordelia said, her voice becoming bitchy.
"I agree with that statement!" Boymony said, his deep voice booming mightily as he adjusted his backpack.
"Let's stop her from being popular!" Cordelia said.
"Okay!" Boymony and the Cordettes, who were girls who feel similarly to Cordelia, said.
They knew Buffy and her unpopular friends were in the library, which is the uncoolest place on campus, next to the small cemetery they bury the faculty in which is even less cool. So, with a popular, determined air they head to the library, not going to class because it is Veteran's Day and there is no class on that day.
With a loud yell Cordelia kicked in the door to the library, sending piles of books scattering. One of the heavy tomes hit Xander who yelled in surprise-pain.
"What is the meaning of this interruption?" Giles demanded, his voice thick with British accent.
"We are here to declare how unpopular you all are!" Cordelia said, folding her head back and glaring at Willow underneath her arm.
"You don't mean that…do you?" Willow asked, nervously twisting her hair.
"Course she does!" Boymony said cattily, flexing her thick muscles.
"I am a Vampire Slayer," Buffy said, stepping forward.
"So?" Cordelia asked, snapping her head forward and putting her hands on her feminine hips.
"So in order to determine popularity among Vampire Slayers, you must defeat them in combat!"
"Oh," Cordelia said disappointedly. "I thought I was just going to make fun of you for a bit and my friends would laugh at you and then your friends would cry and I would be popular."
"That's normally how it works," Giles said, flipping through one of his books. "But like she said, Vampire Slayers are different."
"Anyone itching for a fight?" Buffy said, cracking her knuckles threateningly as she threatened them.
"I think I am!" Boymony said, discarding his leather jacket and stepping towards Buffy, his manly boot making a thick indentation on the floor.
"Buffy! Are you sure you want to do this?" Xander asked. "That's Boymony! The mightiest of Cordelia's male entourage!"
"I don't care!" Buffy said. "I have all the power of Vampires and then some!"
She threw a mighty punch at Boymony that hit the girl in the chest, but before Boymony could counterattack a vampire jumped through the window and hit itself on the table, shattering the table and skewering itself on the wooden shards. It dusted immediately. Then the Master came in.
"Oh no! The Master!" Cordelia said.
"Yes! I am the Master!" The Master said.
"Wait!" Giles said, "Is the The in The Master capitalized or not?"
"I think it is," The Master said, "Because it is a title."
"But you did not capitalize it initially," Willow said, using her magic to verify that fact.
"I made a mistake, because I am evil."
"What will we do now?" Xander asked, as more vampires ran into the room, most managing to avoid skewering themselves on wooden objects, although one blinded himself by getting a book caught in his eyes.
"We fight!" Angel said, leaping through the ventilation system heroically.
"Hello salty goodness," Cordelia said, thrusting her hips out at Angel as she threw her backpack full of popular things at The Master.
"RAAARGH!" The Master said angrily, knocking it aside and spraying the nearby vampires with Holy Water.
"Oh no! Holy Water!" one of the vampires said, as the holy water holied all over them.
"Master we must escape!" Darla said, ducking under a crossbow thrown by Angel.
"I don't think so," Boymony said, stepping forward and punching Darla in the face, decapitating her.
"My dear one!" The Master said, raising his bloody ear-face towards the sky.
"No! You are the dear one!" Buffy said, kicking The Master in the eye. "You fell right into our trap!"
"NO! You fell into my trap!" The Master said, biting Buffy on the chest and sucking her chest-blood out.
"Now Giles!" Willow said, throwing a pencil at Cordelia.
Giles nodded and used his shotgun to blow a hole in the ceiling, sending sunlight streaming in because it was daytime, killing all the vampires, including The Master.
"Woohoo! We did it!" Xander said happily.
"Good job everyone," Angel said. "But since I have a soul, I have to go live in the sewers."
"Okay," Buffy said.
"You know him?" Cordelia said angrily.
"I did not know him," Boymony said.
"I don't care about your opinion because it is stupid."
"You don't mean that?!" Giles asked, shocked that Americans were so mean to each other.
"No, you are right. I apologize."
And with that, the day was saved. Until next time…when it was threatened again!
