She's dead and gone and never will return. She hurt people, pushed them away and destroyed their lives. She was cold, cruel and insensitive and didn't know how to love anyone but herself. It started as a child and as she got older, it got worse. As a child she lost everyone that she needed and loved, and turned them all against her. She was forced into doing what she did by having no one and nothing, although there were better ways of earning a living, but once she was in, there was no getting out. I'm not her and never will be. The shell remains but the inside has been transformed. The past is exactly that but there are constant reminders every day, reminders of her and who she was. I had to get rid of her, no matter what the consequences were. It's over now; Amanda is dead.

After two disgusting, dirty years, I managed to get out. One day something snapped and I ran as far away as I could. I was only nineteen and was completely oblivious to the world. I had no idea of how to live, to cope on my own, but I had to, I had no one and nothing else, I pushed them all away; mum, dad and Mel. I wanted to go back to our family home in Yorkshire, but I couldn't, everyone knew who I was and what I had done, and I could bring no further shame upon my family, I simply could not cope with the dirty looks and whispered comments whenever I was around. I knew I could never make it up to my family and make things how they were when I was little, and I knew deep down they probably did love me, even though I never felt it, but again it was my own doing. Then I ended up here, in Manchester. I had no idea of what I was doing here, I couldn't get a job, I had no qualifications, and I had no home and no money. So I decided to get myself an education. I got my A levels and became a History teacher at a local secondary school. I loved it there, but the school was demolished. And then I saw the advert for the post of Head teacher at Waterloo Road Comprehensive School. Something inside me told me to go for it, but my head told me I would never get it. Every time I looked in the mirror, or walked into my classroom, I always had the same sickening feeling; 'What if they knew who I was?' Would I still be allowed to teach, would they want me. I knew they wouldn't keep me on knowing about my past. But I needed work, and so I applied. The next thing I knew I was walking through the gates of Waterloo Road as the head mistress.

Waterloo Road was a rough diamond, but the light at the end of a very long tunnel. I wasn't made welcome at first, but I had just come in to a new school and changed the curriculum, and threatened weak staff by monitoring them. But as several weeks passed and we together overcame each hurdle, our relationship grew, and the staff and pupils began to accept me. By the end of the year it was like we had known each other forever and I had never felt so welcome before. But then came along Stuart Hordley and I nearly lost everything. Luckily the school wasn't ashamed of who I was and they took me back. I nearly died in the fire but I survived and came back to prove myself. Then I had to deal with Earl Kelly and Ralph Mellor, both whom I nearly resigned over. Finally Max Tyler. He was an old fashioned bully who I again almost resigned over. But when he revealed his true colours, he was struck off and I remained at Waterloo Road for another eventful term. I've had to deal with Ruby, Grantly, Chris, Lindsay, the fire, and to top it off, Eddie. They all bought back memories, painful memories, ones I would rather forget, but can't. Maybe that's the reason I am standing here, debating my future.