Because sometimes people don't stay around forever. And it happens to us all.
I let my forehead rest against the cold glass of the window. I shifted to look at the sheets were once our love seemed so promising, so warm. And it wasn't even painful. Maybe that's what hurt the most. I wondered how I should tell you. I knew you would look at me with those piercing black eyes and I knew you would be angry. Maybe you would say a few bitter words. I knew you would take it badly, if not because you cared, than because your pride wouldn't consent it.
Forget our memories. Forget our possibilities. The way you told me you loved me and I believed you. And maybe you did. I know I didn't. I know I was seduced by the way your eyes danced in the flames of lust, the way your lips curled into a shameless smile, your practiced hands roaming over my body. The hatred and our constant fighting building up until the sexual tension was unbearable and consuming. Consuming. Like that first time when our mouths clashed and our bodies entangled in heated passion. There was nothing beautiful about it, just raw violent desire.
I was young and inexperienced. Unable to control my bodily needs, my emotions. Confused and wanting, I took the first opportunity I was given to be loved, even if it wasn't real. Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well. I gave you my body, my love, my life. I didn't care what you did to me as long as I could be yours, as long as you pretended you would be with me forever.
Sometimes I think I want you to give myself back. Give me back who I was before I met you. I know it wasn't your fault, that somehow I ended up feeling hollow and alone, confused with needs I didn't have before, abandoned by dreams and a future I hadn't dreamt about before.
And now I find, somehow I need you to go. I don't need you anymore. I know I can't go back to the days were I knew none of this, I don't want to. But I don't want to be the person I am now, shriveled and cold and wasting away because of you. Cold. Now that the flames of passion are gone, what is left is a burnt wick, wasted, consumed. There was nothing beyond that, and you knew that all along. Conflicting bodies are just that, bodies; vain words whispered in the heat of the moment are just words. Everything is what it seems and yet our minds tend to ignore these obvious meanings and make up a world of their own.
But now I need to be alone. And I know I don't want to spend one more day with you wasting me away. Whatever there was between us is gone. And you know that as well, I've seen the way you look to other people's bodies, the way you used to look at mine. It's better that way, really. I want to thank you; it's so much easier that way.
I leave my apartment, slipping on an overcoat. It was going to be a cold day. In a few moments I had arrived at the familiar stone steps. I had been at that same building so many times, with so many different emotions playing on my head, so many different memories. This would be just one more of them, a finished chapter in my life, something that had once been great and now belonged to the past.
I waited outside, I knew he was coming. As expected, I soon saw a face I knew all too well emerge from the glass doors, a slight frown marring his attractive features. And then a voice that had once been husky and passionate betraying alertness:
"Well, what is it you wanted to talk about?"
"It's over" He seemed surprised for a moment. As if he wasn't really expecting me to come out and say it. Not like that, at least.
"Why?"
"I don't need you anymore. I'm sorry. I don't want you to stay." Don't stay.
He bit his lower lip, the frown back. He was visibly angry. I had predicted that.
"I cared for you. You know that right?" Why did he have to say that now? It only made things more difficult.
"I know." I had nothing else to say.
I turned away. I couldn't help but hope there would be a new future.
As I walked away I realized I had no regrets.
It really had been worth it while it lasted.
Inspired by the Linkin Park song "Don't Stay".
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