"No, I have never been attracted to you," Mai said to Azula. "Not everyone wants to have sex with you, princess."
Azula inquired from her chair, "Then why are you asking me on a date?"
Mai closed her eyes, not wanting to open them, but she had to.
"This is why you should let people finish talking. I'm asking you on a double date, seeing as you are in a serious relationship," said Mai.
"It's not that serious." Azula waved her hand and Mai rolled her eyes. She reminded herself why she chose not to approach Ty Lee about this, because at least Azula did not have an unhealthy interest in other people's love lives. Or other people. Or an interest in anything but herself, for that matter. "Continue."
"I am not asking you because I like you," Mai dryly said, glancing around the palace. She needed something to look at other than Azula's smug expression. "I am asking you because you've exclusively dated women. And I'm now possibly dating a woman. So, are you doing this or not?"
"Who's your girlfriend?" Azula asked, leaning forward into the conversation. Mai found nothing else to focus her eyes on.
"Not a girlfriend yet," said Mai calmly. "You don't know her."
Azula touched one finger to her lips and Mai stared at a boring painting.
"I might," purred the princess. "Someone I know might know her."
Mai met Azula's eyes and regretted it instantly. "Her name is June, and I met her in a bar a few weeks ago and we had a one night stand that developed into something slightly more."
"That's cute," Azula said mockingly.
"You don't think it's cute," spat Mai, briefly showing emotion. "You think it's sad and pathetic."
Azula laughed, shrugging and admitting that Mai was right. "And hilarious. Don't forget hilarious. I agree to your date. It sounds like an incredibly awkward encounter that I will enjoy. I cannot wait to interrogate her."
"Why?" asked Mai.
"So you know the truth about her. You need to be prepared for anything in your relationship, and I am extremely talented at making people say regrettable things," said Azula.
Mai did not know how to respond to that.
.
That afternoon, right before the dreaded double date, Mai opened her door and saw Ty Lee standing outside. Word must have spread. Azula was not trustworthy.
"I'm so sweet and charitable and so I'm going to make you look beautiful for your date. Azula said you two weren't a real couple yet, and, believe me, I am so happy and generous and you look really awful right now but I can make you look really good for no charge or guilty feelings!" Ty Lee said, grabbing Mai's arm and tugging her outside. She slammed the door shut before Mai could go back inside.
"Glad to know you think I'm a charity case," Mai said, noticing that Ty Lee believed her sarcasm. That was unsurprising. "I was just going to wear something from my closet."
Ty Lee grabbed her shoulders and shook her. Mai did not move and barely breathed.
"Your closet is horrible. We have to go to the tailor's shop," Ty Lee said breathlessly.
Mai sighed and decided to consent. Ty Lee was trying.
When they arrived at the elderly tailor's shop, Ty Lee started a rapid conversation with her about any leftover outfits that she could look through. The old lady escorted them into the back.
It smelled like perfume. Mai hated it.
"Okay, you're gonna look so cute." Ty Lee squealed. Mai sighed. "So, we need to dress you up really nice."
Ty Lee held up a pink number. Mai took it from her and returned it to the shelf.
"Please let me choose my own clothes. You don't have a sense of style and I do. I mean, you have your own style in a sort of whorish, I have no self-esteem kind of way, but…"
Ty Lee frowned. It looked weird on her, like an ill-fitting robe. "That was mean. You're mean. What's her favorite color?"
"I don't know. I don't really care about that," Mai said honestly.
"What does she wear a lot of?" Ty Lee asked, smiling. She still persisted. It was sad.
"Black," Mai said, crossing her arms.
"You've got a wonderful start!" cheered Ty Lee. "Everything you own is black too!"
Mai pointed at the only reasonable bundle of cloth she saw. "I like that dark silky thing over there."
"Oh," Ty Lee murmurs, mostly to herself, "who's whorish and has no self-esteem now?"
.
The teashop was adorable and the setting sun was visible from all of the windows. Azula found a perfect seat and pulled her girlfriend down onto the seat beside her. Mai and June sat across from them, as was appropriate.
"So, how did you two meet?" Azula asked, clasping her hands. Mai knew that face. Mai did not like that face. Mai was regretting this already.
"At a bar. We were drunk and I thought I was teaching her to play darts so I could hold her waist and she let me, despite being apparently a military expert in bar games," June replied, leaning back. She was not intimidated by the princess, which Mai found to be extremely hot and desirable.
"I don't even remember that," Mai admitted, shrugging.
"What a cute and beautiful love story," Azula sarcastically said, smirking. "Now, how well do you two know each other?"
Mai replied, "Not at all, and we don't care."
"But I care. So, what have you been up to before you met my ex-best friend, Mai's possible girlfriend?" Azula gave June a look that Mai had to admit was terrifying yet encouraging.
"I was in jail for assault," June replied, and Mai did not know if she was telling the truth or not. To tell the truth, she did not care.
Ty Lee looked scared and asked, "Oh. How did that happen?"
"I have a sketchy job that involves beating up criminals," June said casually, "and one of them struggled too much."
Ty Lee glared.
Ty Lee looked out of the window like she was thinking about jumping out of it.
Ty Lee opened her mouth to talk and Mai knew she needed to quickly intervene.
"Ty Lee was in jail once for the same thing," Mai said with fire in her eyes. "Except it wasn't a criminal; it was basically domestic violence."
"It's true," the princess added.
"Azula!" Ty Lee exclaimed, blushing.
"What? It is. Mai's girlfriend is being honest." Azula twirled her bang around her finger and stared Ty Lee down. "Why must you be a compulsive liar?"
Ty Lee clenched one fist and then realized how many witnesses there were in this teashop. She sighed and announced, "I'm going to the outside."
"She'll come back. She's unhealthily invested in other people's love lives. Now, Mai tells me you had a drunken hook-up that became semi-serious. Tell me more," Azula asked, ignoring her girlfriend's disappearance.
"Yeah, well, she freaked out because she didn't know she liked girls and she had a boyfriend at the time," June replied, locking eyes with Azula. The princess did not know what to make of it. "And I didn't really think she was sexy enough for a real relationship, except I kind of liked her personality, which was a first."
Azula replied with a raised eyebrow, "I don't think she's sexy enough for a real relationship either. It's basically charity that you're dating her at all. She's not even my friend. She just invited me to feel better about herself for dating another woman, because if I am doing it, it is fashionable."
"Let's do an activity," Mai demanded through a clenched jaw.
.
At the boardwalk, "This place is horrible," Ty Lee complained.
There were a thousand fires illuminating it. The sand smelled weird and the whole place was pathetic when it was not summer. Currently, it was a drizzling and gray winter day. This was the saddest place in the world, and, therefore, Mai thought it was the perfect spot for a date.
Azula did not comply, and stood just outside of the rotting wood beside Ty Lee.
"You think everyone is wonderful and fun," Azula said, "even literally the worst places on Earth. Why are being such a downer?"
"Because I'm angry and hate you," Ty Lee hissed.
Azula gestured at a stand. "Look, Mai is playing darts so viciously. I think she might be angrier than you."
"Yeah. The game is rigged so somebody is probably going to beat that guy up," Ty Lee said.
"That is real romance." Azula tilted her head to the side with a small frown. "They will break up within the week. All the same, we should leave them alone." Azula watched as Mai held a dart to a teenage boy's neck. "I think we intimidate them with our perfect relationship."
"Will you intimidate some kid into giving me free stuffed animals?" Ty Lee whispered, deciding she would forget her anger if Azula gave her things.
The princess replied, "Do you even have to ask?"
