A/N 1: Got inspiration for writing this after seeing the S6 finale hope you enjoy…
A/N 2: This is an alternate version of S6 where Jeff and Annie are a couple, but still she leaves for the FBI…..
A/N 3: Community doesn't belong to me (sadly), nor the songs/lyrics you'll see in this story just the OC's of Paul Edison, Emilio Mendoza and Dr. Mitchell.
A/N 4: This story is going to be separated in six acts starting off with the Prelude as an introduction. Each act will be titled after various music references (Act 1:Use Your Illusion (Welcome To Wingerland) will be from Chapters 1-5, Act 2: Jeff Winger Vs The World (The Calm Before The Storm) will be from Chapters 6-10, Act 3: Party On (Somewhere Between Heaven & Hell) will be Chapters 11-14, Act 4: Maniac (The War Within) will be Chapters 15-17, Act 5: Welcome To Hell And Beyond…..will be Chapters 18-25 and Act 6: This Is Me (The Growth/Rise) will be Chapter 26 and the Epilogue.
Studies In Sleep Psychology
A Community fan fic
Prelude: Jeff Winger's Emotional (Social) Distortion
It had been two weeks, 87 hours 26 minutes and 15 seconds since Annie had left for Washington DC and Jeff hadn't had a wink of sleep since she left the only thing he could do was look at the imprint on the left side of his bed. Emilio and Paul were there for Jeff as much as they could be; Britta was trying her best to be supportive bringing over take out and gauging where he was mentally from what she could tell Jeff was okay though there were moments she could tell that he seemed off balance and was drinking more than usual. Not wanting to press any further and cause a potential breakdown it was decided among everybody that Jeff needed some time to recharge himself.
Right now he looked at his clock it was 2:05am and there was little he could do besides toss and turn on this Monday night. Getting up he went to his liquor cabinet looking inside he shut it and went to the fridge grabbing a Bud Light he looked around the dark living room he sighed, and then rubbed his beard which had grown to be more thicker in the past few days he was becoming unkempt and looking like a different man all he could do is get the iPod Nano from his counter like he had been doing and escape…..the iPod was the one Emilio gave him after "The Incident" he went to his "Punk Rock Mix" and proceeded to play Social Distortion's "Cold Feelings" for Jeff it summarized how he felt about Annie and where he is currently at in life in so many ways…
Uninvited feelings, they come without warning and they stay too long
I don't wanna feel, and if I run they'll be just as strong.
I've been a-waiting, I'm waiting for some kind of sign,
I try to separate, try to separate my body from my mind.
He like felt this after Borchert's lab finding the sign when he looked at Annie, for a long time what he felt for her he tried to classify as a crush that wouldn't go away instead of his mind it was heart that he was to separate from his body, for a long time what he felt for her he tried to ignore even if those feelings wouldn't stop creeping up whenever she smiled at him or he was ever in her presence he felt like a different man…..
I watch the clock as the second hand slowly goes strolling by.
I don't want to feel, when a loved one's time's come to die,
I've been a-waiting, I'm waiting for some kind of sign,
I try to separate, try to separate my body from my mind.
Then he remembered the exchange they had before Shirley told them about Pierce's death, it was a feeling he had never felt before again that could have been possibly a sign to stop taking things for granted, throw caution to the wind and tell her that the "platonic shoulder holds" were more than just platonic…if Pierce was alive he'd probably tell Jeff to man-the-fuck-up, put on his big boy pants and tell her what she means to him, well maybe not like that, but the point stands. Speaking of looking at the clock it was now 2:15 in the morning.
Cold feelings in the night.
You know, this feeling just ain't right.
And though I try I just can't hide.
Cold feelings in the night.
Jeff remembered when he started having these cold almost unshakeable feelings of attraction when it came to her it began sometime after the Rich incident (possibly even before now thinking about it) when he and Annie wound up in the men's bathroom as she asked him if he wanted her. Like a pendejo (borrowing a phrase from Emilio's dictionary) he told her what he felt for her along with relationships were complicated….he still hated himself sometimes for telling her that, then again he hated himself over a lot of things.
Look out!
Jeff had developed a co-dependence to seven strangers and specifically to a young lady who wore skirts and cardigans, though he was admittedly blindsided when he found out that she was leaving it wasn't until a few days before she left Annie thought that with her past that she wouldn't get the internship…..that was also the last night she slept in his bed. Chugging the beer he placed it on the table in the midst of twenty different cans surrounding his coffee table looking around he sighed once again.
Yeah I got faith, but sometimes fear it just weighs too much,
I don't want to feel, cold winds blowing through me like an empty touch.
I've been a-waiting, I'm waiting for some kind of sign.
I try to separate, try to separate my body from my mind.
Jeff was afraid of a lot of things deep down the fear that his relationship might not work and maybe Annie would trade Jeff in for "a younger model" as her mother put it a few months ago, another fear of his is that he might fail as a teacher, though even with the support he had of his friends it still didn't beat the anxiety and fear inside of him…Besides what if he was right on all accounts? Then what did he have? Nothing besides the feeling of alcohol in his body numbing him until he met whatever fate was in store for him, the anxiety was winning even with his "paid vacation" he couldn't shake what was inside of him.
Cold feelings in the night
You know, this feeling just ain't right.
And though I try I just can't hide
Cold feelings in the night
No matter what he did those thoughts were always there following him around in the apartment he started thinking of as a potential home for the family he had created in his head that in a perfect world he'd already have, in that perfect world Annie would be working from home and they'd have children and settle down living happily ever after while the group stayed the same. The song was nearing the end as he heard Mike Ness' vocals relate to what he was feeling currently as a small unnoticeable tear dropped from his eye.
XXXXXXXX
Monday morning
It had fallen upon the Dean, Chang and Frankie to check up on Jeff today (it'd been a rotating schedule Monday, Wednesday and Friday they'd check up on him while Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday the responsibility would befall on Emilio, Britta and Paul, Sunday's the group presented a united front Emilio cooked a big dinner for everyone it worked for the most part though Jeff rarely talked he just ate and went back to his apartment.) Paul understood why his daughter needed to go it was the opportunity of a lifetime, but he also saw how empty Jeff had become without Annie it was like he had lost a half of himself. The only times Paul saw Jeff leaving his apartment was for a beer run or the Sunday dinner's other than that he holed himself up from the world, there were times were he and Emilio tried to pass on some wisdom to Jeff only for the guy to shrug it off. Needless to say it was becoming clearer that Jeff was becoming slightly unhinged Britta believed that insomnia was the case for Jeff being where he currently was at psychologically and that there was a program she was reading about that helped deal with insomniacs with their issues using hypnotherapy and meditation all they needed was a licensed physician…..Dean Pelton saved the number of Jeff's psychiatrist just in case, but right now Frankie was knocking on Jeff's door with Pelton and Chang in tow waiting about a couple seconds they heard a click from the lock.
Stepping inside they noticed the beer cans, empty takeout boxes, and dirty laundry flung throughout the apartment. It had been two weeks since she left and Jeff had plunged into living like a slob though they weren't there to judge, just support Jeff until he was at comfort with himself or Annie returned.
"So how are you Jeffery?" The dean asked as Jeff sat on his lounge chair
He shrugged.
"Well that's good Jeff we brought you some low carb bagels from that bakery you like." Frankie said holding the bag as Jeff took it from her opening it up and nodding in an approving manner.
"Look Jeff we get that you miss Annie because you love her and stuff, but she'll be back eventually so don't take it so hard buddy." Chang was being oddly sympathetic which only garnered a cold stare from Jeff so Chang backed off.
"Do you need anything else Jeff? Cream cheese, butter—"Frankie asked only for Jeff to point to his refrigerator.
"Okay then…..If you need anything else Jeffrey please call us we care about you." Pelton looked caringly at Jeff who shrugged and walked to his fridge he began spreading the cream cheese on his bagel when he signaled for his guests to leave.
XXXXXXX
Vatican Bar 4:00pm
"I really don't like this whole quiet passive aggressive Jeff who's acting like Annie broke up with him even though he told her that he wanted her to go." Britta remarked getting a beer from behind the counter as what was left the group began talking about what they were going to do with their once leader.
"It's the fact that he doesn't have someone to wake up next to Britta for a long time this guy slept around with various women for years and just barely got accustomed to the idea of having a girlfriend….let me rephrase that a serious girlfriend in his life that's fucking up his head, and think about this Annie has changed Jeff so much and with her leaving he's sunk into place that nobody has ever seen." Emilio was drinking an orange soda since he and Paul became the designated drivers for the group and he was under the age of 21 while Paul was Emilio's substitute when the young man couldn't make it.
"I agree if all of a sudden the person who you loved just left the state to possibly start a whole new chapter in their life while you're still at home…..that'd really mess with you as well." Paul commented as Britta and Emilio nodded in agreement.
"Well good evening everyone!" Craig exclaimed as everyone greeted him back.
"So what are we talking about?" The dean asked already knowing the answer.
"What you do you think Craig? The vato who has practically turned into a hermit the dude who has basically turned into a recluse and won't say a word to us about how he's feeling." Emilio said while rubbing his forehead.
"I know Jeffrey hasn't been the same since she left, but that doesn't mean that he's alone…he's got us and while our numbers may be small we're still there at his side." Craig said with an utmost sincerity
All around the table everyone agreed Frankie and Chang arrived a couple minutes later as the discussion got around to Jeff's sanity and whether or not he was okay.
"For the last couple of nights I've heard him move around the apartment all the way until morning, most of time he'll drink something play some music and then cry, but I don't think he realizes that I can hear him."
"Same here he usually spends time in the living room…..or so I think….couldn't really tell you to be honest." Craig darted his eyes around the table when Britta snapped her fingers in a moment of realization.
"I called it! Jeff has insomnia added with his abandonment issues make for a perfect storm of emotional triggers we should totally try out that therapy I was telling you guys about." Britta had ignored what the dean had said to come up with her diagnosis as the Dean pulled out his cell phone.
"Hi I'm Craig Pelton calling on behalf of Jeffrey Winger I'd like to talk to Dr. Mitchell about setting up a special appointment for Jeffery…he's been a little under the weather as of late."
After waiting a few minutes he gave the group a thumbs up, he exited from the bar to speak with the psychiatrist. It took about 30 minutes before the dean came back in with a smile on his face and sat down.
"So is the doctor going to help us or not?" Emilio asked as he adjusted his Trail Blazer beanie.
"Yes he is…..though he just needs Jeffrey to come in tomorrow so he can explain what the process is going to be."
"Easier said than done….." Britta pointed out drinking her Budweiser.
"It can't be that hard to get Jeff out of the apartment? I mean Jeff isn't that stubborn right?" Frankie asked as Dean Pelton chuckled.
"Oh Miss Dart there's still so much you need to learn…."
XXXXXX
Jeff's Apartment 7:00pm
Jeff sat drinking stewing in his own misery he had taken a shower earlier since he had been wearing the same clothes for the last four days and was starting to reek of cheap beer. He heard a knock at his door and it was Britta, Emilio, Chang, Paul, Frankie and the Dean all standing there as if they were going to try hug him and tell him everything was okay…seeing no other way out he let them in cautiously he had a look of suspicion in his eyes. Right now Jeff was wearing a Dave Matthews Band t-shirt that Emilio got him for his birthday last month and a pair of sweatpants his usually neat hair was gangly and all over the place.
Jeff became the master of non-verbal communication giving a shrug asking "what are you doing here?"
"We're here because we care about you Jeff and think you need to confront your emotions instead of ignoring them." Britta was the first to step forward.
He rolled his eyes.
"Roll your eyes all you want Jeff, but you've changed man ever since Annie left all you've been is a pity party ese….." Emilio was the next to speak up which Jeff only snorted at his young friend's insight.
"Jeffrey you're not okay we know you haven't been able to sleep for the last two weeks and it's starting to show."
Jeff looked at the dean nodding his head before again shrugging which translated "you got me there, but there's nothing else to talk about."
"C'mon Jeff your eyes are red and puffy, you look like you killed the old Jeff Winger and stole his body while dumping the old Jeff in a chemical waste plant." Chang said as Jeff pushed him aside.
"I don't have to take this." Jeff muttered grabbing a bomber jacket only for Emilio to block his path.
"LOOK who finally decided to grow some balls and say something I was beginning to think you had gone mute from all the drinking." Emilio looked Jeff directly in eye not backing down especially standing at 5'7 compared to Jeff's 6'4.
"Jeff we really care about you and we're here for you just let us in." Frankie put her hand on his shoulder only to rip himself away from her.
"Jeff I've known you for a bit of time I know you're a good guy, but you can't keep holding in how you feel because you don't want to seem weak…." Paul looked at Jeff and started seeing the dents in the armor he had forged in the last two weeks.
"We know how much you miss her…..but don't let it eat you inside brother because once you do that…..that's a road you can't ever come back from." Emilio said as he nodded for the group to hug him.
It was then for the first time Jeff felt comfortable as he felt the embrace of his friends around him and started slowly letting out his anguish that he had hidden inside. He sobbed into Emilio's black khaki shirt as the embrace grew stronger he slid back down into his couch as the group let go.
"I miss her so much." Jeff cried out
"We know Jeffrey we know, but you're not alone…..it may seem like these changes that have been going may seem hard to adjust to though there is that light at the end of this tunnel…Annie will come back and you can continue the life you have planned out in your head."
"We talked with Doctor Mitchell he's going to help you with your insomnia you just have to come in tomorrow so he can explain what he's going to do okay? Everything will be alright Jeff." There was a certainty in Britta's that he never heard before.
XXXXXXX
Hopefully this wasn't too angsty for you all, Chapter 1 will be up sometime soon…..Peace Out
