Hey! This is my first Death Note fanfic! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any rights to Death Note.

Setting: The Whammy House.

*L is sitting in front of the tv with with an abnormally large piece of cake*

*Near is on the floor playing with his toys*

*Matt is outside smoking*

*Mello is...well doing whatever Mellos do.*

*Watari walk in*

Watari: L, isn't it time you go back to your own house?

L: *Looks appalled* This is my house Tari. How can you try to kick me out of my childhood home?

Watari: Because for the last five days you've been laying around here eating everything sugary we have and watching the Golden Girls.

L: Dorothy is my favorite. :3 And besides, my place is still being fixed after the fire and all.

Watari: L! You started that fire by letting your cake burn in the oven!

L: It was just an accident. You think I would let a perfectly good cake burn on purpose?

Mello: I wish you would burn on purpose.

L: Shuttup, Mello. No one likes you. And you look like a girl.

(A/N I love Mello. For the record)

*Mello cries*

*Near Laughs*

Mello: Well, you look like a panda!

L: Yes, but pandas are cute. Look at me. I'm adorable.

Near: I can see how L would resemble a panda...

L: How?

Near: Well, the eyes. And there's the fact that both you and a panda eat your own body weight in food every day.

Mello: how are you not fat by now?

L: I'm lucky.

Mello: How do you think Near would act if he had a sugar overload?

*All shiver*

L: Let's not think about that.

*Matt walks in*

Watari: Where have you been?

Matt: Outside smoking.

Watari: That's going to kill you early in life.

Matt: Watari, everyone here right now is going to die except for Near.

L: But unlike Mello, people will cry when I die. I'll bet my death will be all climactic too.

Near: I feel lucky.

Matt: I die too. Darn. I never got enough screen time.

Mello: Hey! People like me.

L: Mello, everybody thought you were a girl in the anime until you talked.

Near: Yeah. And I'm the one who was voiced by a woman and everyone knows I'm a boy.

L: Get a haircut, ya hippy.

Matt: Hey! Leave him alone. It's not his fault he has no muscles and looks like a chick.

Mello: Gee, thanks Matt.

L: You guys are lucky you didn't have to be around Misa in the anime.

Near: I kidnapped her.

L: Yes, but you weren't handcuffed to her boyfriend.

Near: She kind of looks like Mello...

L: Hey that's right! She does.

*Doorbell rings*

L: ehh, I'll get it.

*answers door*

*Light is there*

L: What do you want?

Light: I have come to kill you!

L: I'm pretty sure that you won't kill me in a fanfiction. The author won't allow it.

Author: That's right. I hate you, Light.

Light: Thanks..

Watari: What have you come for?

Light: I need L's help.

L: What do you need?

Light: I NEED to get away from Misa!

L: Go hide in Near's doll house.

Light: YAY!

Near: He's too fat! He'll break it!

Matt: That's true.

*All silent*

Near: Does no one care about the well being of my doll house?

Mello: Nope.

L: Mmm. I want another piece of cake.

Mello: I'm kind of craving chocolate right now.

Near: I want to get a new toy.

Matt: I need another cigarette.

L: You know Watari, you're the only one here who doesn't have a distinct character feature.

Watari: Well, neither does Light!

Near: He's the famous Kira. But you don't really have anything going for you.

L: I knew it!

Light: Do you guys have any potato chips?

Mello: Yeah in the kitchen.

Light: Okay.

L: Why are you helping him?

Mello: Everybody likes potato chips.

Near: It's true.

Matt: I don't.

L: Why do you always have to be different?

Light: *From the kitched* I'll take a potato chip...AND EAT IT!

Mello: Is he talking to himself in there?

L: Yes. He's a homicidal maniac. That's kind of how those kinds of people are.

Matt: True dat.

Watari: Stay tuned!

Chapter 2 coming soon ^_^