Disclaimer: I own none of the characters.
Piper is jolted awake at the sound of the massive iron door being opened. She looked up from her position on the floor, where she was curled up in the corner, and squinted at the guard who stood looming in the doorway.
"You're free to leave the SHU." He said and waited for her to get up. He looked at her disdainfully, the scrawny, skin and bones creature that struggled to stand up.
Piper stood up and made her way out of the cell, wobbling and went down the long corridor towards the light outside. Her eyes watered at the brightness and her lungs burned as they fought to breathe as much as they could. She shivered as the warm sun touched her skin and looked at Lorna, who was driving her pick-up van. She got in and then rest her head on the side, closing her eyes. She didn't bother to wipe them and Lorna couldn't tell if she was crying or if they were just watering.
It had been six months since that fateful day. Since that day she was dumped by Larry, rejected by Alex, since she rearranged Pensatucky's face. She looked at her hands, looked at the nails bitten raw, her hands which were brown with dirt. She couldn't believe she had so much rage in her. She sighed and looked at Lorna, who was driving. She smiled when she caught her eyes in the rear-view mirror. Lorna gave her a small sympathetic smile. Piper then asked Lorna what time it was and was told that it was 6. She had two hours to get clean and ready for dinner. Her stomach churned at the thought of food. Maybe she would ask Red to just give her a small portion of rice or a sandwich.
They arrived at the big gray building and Piper got out of the van and was escorted in by Lorna, who took her straight to the now empty dorms and handed her a set of fresh clothes and a uniform. Piper took it gratefully and headed into the shower where she spent an hour cleaning herself till she heard voices. She reveled in the privacy, almost laughing at what she now considered to be luxury – to bathe without a creepy guard looking at you, so that he could jerk off to the image later.
She made out Taystee and Poussey. Her heart stopped beating as she waited, unmoving, to see if she would hear Alex's voice. After a minute, she wrapped the towel around her gaunt frame, wincing when she saw her ribs sticking out and sighed at the effort it took. She was so tired. She walked out to collective gasps from the two women. She smiled a hello, and made her way out to where her clothes were kept as soon as possible. She wore the now oversized clothing and walked quickly to the bunks where she was placed, till they put her in a dorm. Piper burst into tears for the first time in six months. She sobbed, clutching her legs, waving off any hands that came near her to offer comfort. She wept for a good while, got up, wiped her eyes and sat there for about 20 minutes, till a CO came over and told her it was time for dinner.
She made her way to the mess, dreading the sight, sound and smell of people. She stood outside the door, took a deep breath and tried to suppress the nausea that had become her new found friend. She walked in and discreetly looked for the tall brunette who seemed to be missing. So was Nicky and she hadn't seen Suzanne either. She shuffled up to Red, with her head down and asked her for a fruit with a hoarse whisper. Red looked at her with kind eyes and gave her some cut fruit. Piper accepted it and went and sat alone in a corner, preferring to not talk to anyone. Lorna came and sat opposite her. She looked up startled and settled down when she realised that it was normal for her to see other people here. She could smell Lorna, that smell of prison detergent and lipstick acutely. Her sense of smell so sharp from her time at the SHU.
"Where's Pensatucky?" Piper asked in her scratchy voice, not used to being used.
"She went into Psych. She got new teeth thanks to you." Lorna said, in between mouthfuls.
"Think the Bible hicks will stay away from me?" Piper asked, taking a bite of the fruit and closing her eyes to savour the sweetness of it. She looked around for Taylor and the other groupies and found them sitting in a corner, shooting death glares her way. She resisted the urge to smile and raise her glass of water at them. Maybe she was unhinged after her time at the SHU.
"Sure. If Lurch has something to say about it." Lorna answered, looking at her dinner companion for a response. When Piper looked up from her food bowl, startled by what she heard, Lorna continued. "When Alex heard that you were getting out of the SHU, she went and found the Bible lovers and told them to stay the fuck away from you. She may have said other things, but I'm not too sure y'know?"
"Oh. Um, okay. Where is Alex?" Piper asked, trying to not sound too hopeful. She looked around for the brunette to see her missing again and then raised her eyes to meet Lorna's. She didn't like what she saw there. Pity.
"Look, Chapman. You need to know something. Al…" Lorna stopped talking when she spotted Piper staring at something. She turned around to see Alex and Nicky talking to Taystee, hand in hand. Alex dropped Nicky's hand and looked up beyond Taystee to see her ex girlfriend looking at her. Alex then turned right and made her way to the serving line, looking back at Nicky, beckoning her.
Piper stared at her ex girlfriend, her eyes following her all the way to the serving line and then to her seat at the opposite end of the room. She almost welcomed the acute pain in her chest as she inhaled sharply. She then looked at her own fruit bowl and felt her stomach reject the three pieces of fruit she had managed to eat so far. She got up in a hurry, dumped her fruit bowl and then threw up in the trash. Without seeing the reaction of anyone, she straightened up, wobbled and left.
She made it to her bunk, crawled into it and dry heaved. She couldn't believe that Alex was with Nicky. She knew that she and Alex had grown close, Lord knows she had thought of the possibility of it a million times in the SHU, but to see it in front of her, to live it, was too much. The more the thought of how Nicky would feel to hold Alex's warm hands, what it felt like to be a little spoon, the way Alex tasted, the more laboured her breathing became. She didn't hear the newbies call for a CO, she didn't feel herself being lifted off the bunk, all her thoughts and energy was focused on reliving showering with Alex, the Chapel, ticking her – except, it was all from a third person watching Alex and Nicky.
She was rushed to the Nurse who gave her a nebulizer that calmed her down. She was close to getting hysterical and passing out. She was then handed some Oral Rehydration drinks and told to stay on those for the next couple of days, in addition to the meager amount of food she could stomach, till she regained some strength. She was taken back to her bunk where she passed out from exhaustion. Fischer took pity on her during count and didn't wake her.
She woke up with a start the next morning and struggled to get up. She felt light headed and reached for the OR drink and drank it with great gulps, her body singing with pleasure at having some nourishment in it. She got off the bunk and made her way to the shower. There were other girls there, but after the torture of showering at the SHU, this didn't faze her. She finished and decided to go for a walk before breakfast. She itched to run when she saw the track, but just the panting from her walk told her she was nowhere near ready for a run.
Finishing her walk she went to the cafeteria and looked at Red and asked for more fruit. Red today gave her a bowl of cut bananas, which she took with a gratefully murmured thanks and sat again in the corner. She again heard footsteps and watched a body slide into the seat opposite her. This was not Lorna. She looked up to see the kind eyes of Nicky Nichols.
"No." She croaked. She shook her head and was dismayed and disappointed in herself that she couldn't stop the tears from falling. "Please. Go away" She gasped, not caring that she came across as a weak, pathetic thing. She hated herself, but that was nothing new. She had spent six months with her all consuming hate. Pensatucky got one thing right. She didn't deserve the love she had.
Nicky scraped her chair back and walked away, while Piper struggled to regain composure and finish the rest of the bananas. She was determined to keep the food in, even if she walked in on Nicky and Alex. Now, she wasn't sure. She ate alone, but could feel the eyes on her, hear the whispers and she flinched when Taylor walked past with a threat of "You'll pay". Didn't Taylor understand that Piper was paying? Paying for every sin she had ever committed? Regret was the worst punishment a body could endure.
She went back to her bunk after breakfast to find a box of her belongings. She wondered who could have kept them there, but ignored it. She took a book and began writing with shaky hands.
Dear Alex,
Where do I begin?
A/N: First OITNB fic. I'm taking the idea of her writing letters to Alex and other people in her journal from FaeCym's fic. So credit for that goes to her. Let me know what you think. Yes Nicky and Alex are together, because what Piper did to Alex doesn't go away because she beat someone up and was locked in the SHU. Thanks for reading!
