I still remember the first moment I met him. If only I could go back to that day, the day he saved my life. That was the perfect day. Now things are so complicated. Why can't I go back and spend forever in those years of bliss? Why do I have to be trapped in this hell? That's what my life is like right now, hell.
It was a cold New York day and I was crossing the street like I do everyday but I didn't see the cab that was speeding toward me. All I felt was someone grab my arm and pull me back. My first reaction was self defense, it was New York City. My first reaction was to turn around and slap whoever had grabbed…and I did. I slapped him hard. Not until I saw dozens of people staring and the stopped cab did I realize what had just happened.
"I'm sorry," I spat out quickly. "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't realize…"
But he wasn't angry, he was actually laughing. And as he laughed I started laughing too.
"I'm so sorry," I said trying to stop giggling. "Is there anything I can do to thank you….and apologize."
"Well," he smiled. "You can go get some coffee with me."
"Actually I'm going to meet some friends," I said but after seeing the disappointment cross his face I quickly added "but since you saved my life I guess I could cancel."
"Great," he said. "I know a great little place around the corner."
We started walking together.
"I'm Evan by the way," he said.
"I'm Rose."
We talked in that coffee shop for almost two hours. It was Saturday and neither of us had anywhere special to be so after our coffee we walked. We didn't go anywhere in particular but neither of us wanted to part with the other. He was so handsome. His dark hair was strung carelessly in front of his gorgeous green eyes. And he was tall, he was so tall. He stood over a head taller than me and I always considered myself normal height. And he had the cutest British accent I had ever heard. That was the best day. We had this amazing connection right at the beginning. We talked about everything but as I look back I did most of the talking. He really just listened. That was how our relationship was, I talked he listened. Maybe that's why I can't get over the shock of what has happened. Maybe it's because I never truly knew anything about his past.
By three o'clock we decided that we should part but we made a date for the following weekend. I headed uptown and he headed down. I lived in Washington Heights with my two best friends Anna and Cynthia.
"You will never believe what happened my today," I said as I entered our two bedroom apartment.
"What happened to you?" asked Anna skeptically.
I related the story of my day with Evan smiling from ear to ear as I told it. Cynthia has already entered the room and was sitting and listening intently.
Over the next few weeks Evan and I kept seeing each other until finally my roommates forced me to bring him over so they could meet the man that saved my life. It was a Tuesday and he came over for dinner. Anna was a culinary student and made the best pasta I had ever tasted in my life.
It had been a beautiful spring day, a day all New Yorkers prayed for after that long, cold winter. I had walked by Central Park earlier and there were a million families with their children strolling in the park. I was tempted to call Evan and ask him if he wanted to play hooky so we could spend all day enjoying the sun but I changed my mind when I remembered all the errands I had to get done before he came over that night. I worked at the St. Regis and I always had Tuesdays and Wednesdays off because I unfortunately always had to work weekends. But it worked out well because Evan was a driver for a luxury taxi service so he worked the weekends as much as I did.
At around six there was a buzz from downstairs and a few minutes later I heard my roommate open the door and I heard Evan's voice from my room. I went into greet him and he gave me a hug. He didn't kiss me though. We had only kissed a few times in the few weeks we had been seeing each other but I thought it was odd it didn't want to kiss me in front of my friends. But he was shy and as I got to know him more I was surprised he had even asked me to coffee that first time we met. Whenever he called he still said "this is Evan" not "hey it's me" even though I could recognize his voice. And he hadn't introduced me as his girlfriend yet but I hadn't introduced him as my boyfriend either.
My apartment was small. Anna and I shared the big room while Cynthia got the room that was more like a closet than an actual bedroom. And our kitchen/living room was no more than a twenty by thirty foot rectangle. Not to mention the fact three women had to share the same bathroom at around the same time every morning.
"So Evan," Anna was saying as we sat down on our tiny couch. "I heard you saved our friends life."
"Well I'm sure the taxi would have stopped before he hit her," he said modestly as his cheeks shone the slightest bit pink. "But I'm glad I was there." He looked over at me and smiled
Cynthia was sitting by herself on our chair and looking at Evan very strangely but I ignored it and chose instead to listen to Anna talk about school. (Evan had asked her what she did and she was now talking his ear off about everything food.) Evan actually looked like he was paying attention and I applauded him because I always became glazed over when Anna started blabbering about food this and food that. She had actually stopped talking about it lately and I could tell she was excited to have a new person to listen to her.
Dinner was served a little later and, as always, it was delicious. Evan seemed like he enjoyed it and the conversation had moved from food to Evan's job to what a beautiful day it was to finally Evan's past. I was paying close attention because it always seemed like we were talking about me. And Anna had taken it upon herself to start asking questions.
"So Evan," she said smiling. "I'm assuming you grew up in England."
"Yes, Surrey actually," he said.
"I've always wanted to visit Europe," she said. "So is your family back in Surrey."
"My aunt and uncle I think are," he said. "But I really don't know."
At this point I would have switched the subject but leave it to Anna to not know when to stop and she kept asking question. I could tell Evan knew what question was coming next and I could also tell he didn't want to answer it.
"What about your parents?" There it was. The question I had avoided asking Evan for almost four weeks now because from our conversations I had gathered that they were no longer in his life and he did not want to talk about them.
"They died," he said. "When I was a baby?"
"How?" Anna asked once again being completely tactless.
"There was an explosion," he said but he looked down when he said it. I had a feeling there was more to the story but Anna seemed satisfied because she moved on to another uncomfortable question.
"So were you raised by your aunt and uncle you mentioned earlier?
"Yes, for the most part. I attended private school."
"How depressing." Anna got up to start clearing the dishes and I gave Evan an "I'm so sorry look" but he just smiled reassuringly.
He left about an hour later and I could have almost killed Anna. After the whole parents catastrophe she started asking him questions about why he was living in New York which Evan did his best to avoid. This actually aroused my curiosity. I had no idea why Evan moved to New York but he said something about needing to travel or get away or something like that.
"I really liked him," Anna said as she sat down next to me on the couch. "You were pretty quiet the whole night." She said to Cynthia.
"I think I know him from somewhere," she said. "I just can't put my finger on it."
"Why didn't you ask him?" Anna asked.
"I thought it would be a little tactless."
"So." I could tell a fight was going to happen any minute so I quickly left the room and sure enough a few minutes later I heard Anna yell "I am not tactless."
Anna and I had a chair in our room that was next to a window that faced a street. And that is where I am now, almost a year and a half after that dinner. Just like that day I am staring out that window trying to think of what will happen next. Only this time my whole world is falling down around me.
