dammitimanurse — - I'm Low On Gas And You Need A Jacket Choke, tried to wash you down
With something strong
Tried, but the taste of blood remains
Cold, empty mattresses
And falling stars
My, how they start to look the same

He sculls another glass of Bourbon, trying to wash away the memories of his broken marriage. He's been sleeping around; little, cheap apartments and hotel rooms, but nowhere feels right. The beds are all cold and empty, and it just doesn't feel right sleeping without Joce by his side and Jojo a couple of rooms down.

He really didn't think he'd miss them that much.

It's getting to the point where he just doesn't care. He's drunk 40% of the time, and hungover for the rest. Everything blurs together. Everynight, it's the same shitty apartment. The same cold, hard mattress, and the same feeling waking up. He's so over it.

He needs a change. He needs to go back to how it was.

He needs his little girl.

So keep in happiness
And torture me while I
Tell you let's go in style
A million hooks around
A million ways to die
Darling it's cold outside.

In the darkness of night, he parks the car in front of his old house. He knows Jocelyn would be asleep by now - she never was one to stay awake too late. A part of him is telling him what he's about to do is madness, and it's probably right, but the alcohol's telling him otherwise and he trusts his newly found comforter more than his broken self.

His footsteps are light as he makes his way around the side of the house and climbing the tree whose branches lead off near her window. It's open, as it usually is. Little Jo can't sleep properly with the windows shut, even on cold nights like this one.

"Jojo, honey. Wake up, darlin'; Daddy's here. I'm gonna take you away."

"Daddy, I'm sleepy."

"I know, bunny. We'll be home soon, kay? You're comin' to stay with me for a little while. Just grab your shoes and I'll pack some clothes, mkay?"

He shoves some clothes into a little pink backpack as she sits on the bed, holding her stuffed bear Mr. Spooky close to her chest. He grabs her hand and they sneak out through the house, her coat left hanging over her chair.

He smells faintly of booze, and his words are slurred slightly, but 5 year old Joanna doesn't notice.

The only thoughts running through his mind are how Jocelyn's going to kill him for this. God, that woman could be scary. She'd do anything for Jo, and anything to get back at Leonard. Oh well. You only live once; might as well go in style.

"Darlin', it's cold 's your coat?"

"I dunno."

"Silly bugger. Use daddy's jacket."

No, no more eyes to see the sun
You slide into bed
While I get drunk

They get back to the hotel, he tucks her into the bed, the rumpled sheets stained with coffee and urine from other people who'd used the room before him. It's gotta be the shittiest place in Georgia, but it's all he can afford. Jocelyn left him with nothing, not even a job. It's been a struggle to even pay the rent of little dumps like these.

He doesn't sleep that night; sits at the rickety wooden table with a bottle of bourbon in his hand, partaking n his nightly ritual of getting himself hammered, not seeming to think about what it's going to be like for Jo the next morning when's hungover.

Slow conversations with a gun
Mean more than I've ever
Said to anyone, anyone

When Jocelyn shows up at his door the next morning, his head's aching and he feels like he's gonna throw up. He pulls his gun, and points it at his exwife, and they talk for what seems like hours, the gun slowly makes it wake down, and she snatches it from him when he's not paying attention.

So keep in happiness
And torture me while I
Tell you let's go in style
A million hooks around
A million ways to die
Darling, let's go inside
It'll be alright

Jo's crying; her 5 year old mind doesn't understand what's going on. Why mommy's yelling at daddy, and why daddy looks like he's gonna pass out. She just wants them to be happy. Wants them to be a family. Why did daddy have to go? Why weren't they at home? She doesn't understand, and so she cries and cries and cries until daddy comes and wraps his strong, comforting arms around her and she hugs him, even though he smells funny and his beard's all scratchy.

"It'll be alright, darlin'. We're gonna sort this out."

She just nods and goes back to sleep.

Well fuck, what am I supposed to be impressed?
You're just another set of bones to lay to rest
I guess it's time to say goodnight
Hope you had a really good time, good time
Good time

Jocelyn drags him out of the room, and starts bragging about how well she's been coping. How well everthing's been going for her without him, and yeah, it hurts, but he's too pissed off to be upset.

"Fuck this. Fuck you! Damn it, Joce. Just get out. Take her and go. I can't fuckin' deal with this. You say you're goin' so goddamned well without me? Fine. You'll never have to see me again. I'm leavin' and I sure as hell ain't comin' back. It's been fun, Jocey. So very fun; hope you've enjoyed yerself. Now get the hell outta my house."

But I will soon forget
The color of your eyes
And you'll forget mine

She goes, and takes the only thing he had left to live for with her. Now he really does have nothing left. No one to turn to. Nothing to do.

So keep in happiness
And torture me while I
Tell you let's go in style
A million hooks around
A million ways to die
Let's go outside
It'll be alright

He knows exactly where to go.

Two words, two syllables.

Starfleet.