Have you ever been in love? Well I have. I was in love with Samuel David Uley. He was the love of my life. I knew we would be together forever. He was the one. The one I had searched for all my life.
We had been together since high school. I was in tenth grade and he in eleventh when we first met. We hit it off right away. I knew in that first moment that we would spend our lives together. We were going to be that old couple sitting on the porch bickering, complaining about our neighbors. That's what I thought anyways. It's been three years, but I still remember vividly, the day everything changed. It started out like any other day. Then it turned into the best day of my life. By the end of the say, I just wanted to die.
"Lee lee, we need to get up and get ready to go to the bonfire," he said smacking my ass. We had just gotten done making love for the first time. I was euphoric. We had been together for five years. Today was the first time I had ever let him touch me like this.
"What if I told you I just wanted to stay in this bed with you all evening? What if I said I didn't want too go to the bonfire? We can have our own party right here in this bed," I said running my fingers down his chest lightly, looking at my engagement ring. Sam had purposed to me a year ago. It was the happiest day of my life. We planned to be married soon. I watched his face as his eyes fluttered at the touch.
"Baby, I would love nothing more than to stay in this bed with you all night, but we have to go. Some of the tribal leaders are going to be there. They wanted to talk to me about some things. We have to go. I'm sorry." He kissed my forehead and got out of the bed.
I got up on my knees and crawled to the side of the bed. I sat back on my knees and looked at him. I ran my hands along my body and said, "Are you sure about that?"
I heard his groan. I saw on his face that there was no compromise. We had to get up and we had to go. I groaned in frustration and got up to get dressed.
While I pulled on my sundress that I knew he loved, I watched as he just pulled on some shorts and his shoes. Nothing else. "Sam, when did you start wearing nothing but shorts?"
"It just makes life easier."
"Now that I think about it, a lot of things have changed about you. Why did you get a tattoo? What's going on, Sam?"
"Nothing is going on with me, Lee." He came over to stand in front of me and his hands rested on my hips. His lips were on my forehead. "Baby, I love you. You know that right?" I nodded my head. "I promise you, I'm never going to leave you. I just can't tell you right now what's going on. I'm sorry. I just can't say anything right now."
"Alright, but promise me it's not going to come between us." I was suddenly so worried that he was going to leave me. I couldn't explain it but I just had a feeling something much deeper was happening and it was about to tear us apart.
We made our way out of his house and onto the beach. We walked hand in hand until we made it to the bonfire. When we got there I saw many people I knew. My brother was there. Shit, my whole family was there. Talk about frustrating. I couldn't cuddle or even kiss Sam with my family around. I was no longer happy being here. Why did my family always have to ruin everything? Hopefully they would leave soon. I don't think I can keep my hands off Sam for very long. Especially considering what had just happened in his bedroom.
I was sitting on a log by myself with a cup in my hand, thinking about what would change between Sam and I now that we had been together. Would things change?
My brother walked up to me as I stared into the fire. I hated how clingy the nitwit could be. There was a crowd full of pretty ladies and he had to come over here and bother me when I'm trying to have a date with my fiancé.
"What do you want, Seth?" I grumbled. I watched Sam from afar as he talked to some tribe members.
"Nothing. I was just wondering what happened over at Sam's today." I heard him chuckled when he saw the blush cross my face. "You, uh, seemed pretty happy when you walked up to the bonfire tonight."
I wanted to punch him. "That's really none of your business, Seth. If it was we would have done it in your room instead of Sam's." It was my turn to chuckle as I saw the look that crossed his face. I thought he might throw up at the images I had just put in his head.
I walked away from my brother, going to catch up with Sam. "Take that," I thought as I walked away.
We were standing there talking to some of the elders when I heard, "LEE LEE!" I turned and saw on of my best friends, who happened to be my cousin.
"EMILY!" I screamed and ran toward her. She lived on a nearby reservation but I didn't get to see her often. We made up for that by talking on the phone everyday, chatting online and texting on the phone all day. We were as close, if not closer, than sisters.
We hugged tightly for a few minutes. We separated when I felt a hand on my back. I let go of Emily and turned to see Sam. Emily did too. There was one problem. They were staring at each other. It was a very intimate stare and it made me very uncomfortable. I couldn't explain it but it felt like they were the lovers looking deep into each other's eyes, and not Sam and I.
I cleared my throat. They still wouldn't break the stare. I was beginning to get upset. Why wouldn't he stop staring at her? What was going on? Why wouldn't he even look at me?
"Sam, this is Emily, my cousin. Emily, this is my fiancé, Sam," I said through clenched teeth.
Sam broke out of his revere long enough to reach down and grab Emily's hand. He kissed it, still staring in her eyes. "Nice to meet you," he whispered to her.
I was at a loss. He hasn't done that when we met. He never did that with anyone. Why would he do it to my cousin? Was this even the same Sam? What in the fuck was going on?
"Well, I'm gonna go fuck myself since you don't seem to want to help with that anymore, Sam," I said it as a joke to see if he was listening.
"OK, Lee," was all he said. I stood there dumbfounded. What was happening? He grabbed her hand and asked if she wanted to take a walk. She agreed and they walked away.
My mouth hung wide open as I watched them walk away. My future and my cousin walked away together, neither one caring they were breaking my heart. I walked back to the fire and sat down. I was hoping he would come back. Maybe this was all innocent. It could be, right? I mean maybe they were just off talking about me. Maybe they were just getting to know each other. They would be family soon, so it made sense. Yeah, that's what they were doing. They were just getting to know each other because they knew they were going to be family soon.
I sat there drinking my juice for over an hour. I finally saw them coming back. They walked hand in hand. They were about five hundred feet away when they stopped and faced each other. I watched as they got closer to each other. I watched as their faces neared each other and they shared a kiss.
There was no denying it. They were together now. That was no chaste kiss. It was fiery and passionate. My heart broke into a million pieces. I stood up quickly, throwing my cup into the fire in front of me. I turned around and started running.
My mother grabbed my arm and looked at me with pity. "I'm so sorry, Leah," she said to me. I hated it when people looked at me with pity.
I shook my head at her and ripped my arm from her grasp. I ran all the way home. I ran up the stairs to my room and flew face down onto my bed.
How could they do this to me? They were two of the most important people in my life. I loved Sam more than anything. I had wanted to spend the rest of my days with him. I had been looking forward to our wedding day. I guess it wasn't the same for him though. Apparently I just didn't mean that much to him, if he could leave me without looking back.
I spent the whole weekend laying on my bed like that. The only reason I would get up was to go to the bathroom. I wouldn't eat. I wouldn't get dressed. I hadn't even showered. Nothing mattered to me. I had nothing in my life without Sam. My whole life had revolved around him. I certainly didn't want to go anywhere. I would probably see them if I went. La Push and Forks were not that big.
I heard a knock on my door. "Go away," I mumbled.
People in this house just don't know how to respect people's wishes, I thought as I heard my door open. I didn't even look up. I didn't care who it was. I just wanted to be left alone. My world was crashing down around my ears and all people in this house wanted to do was talk about it.
"Alright, Drama Queen, time to get your lazy ass out of bed," I heard my annoying brother say.
"Get the fuck out of my room, Seth."
"No, we've watched you wallow in self pity for too long. I love you, but this is killing mom. You have to get your ass out of bed and get over that fucker. He obviously didn't care about you. So get up. Go out with Kim."
"Get the fuck out of my room, Seth. What the fuck do you care anyways," I asked leaning up and finally looking at him. "You don't give a fuck about me. You never liked me being with Sam. You never gave a fuck about anything. Get away from me, ass."
I gave a silent thank you to who ever was out there that he turned and walked out of my room. I laid back down. I couldn't help but see us the day that we spent together in bed. The tears began flowing fast as I remembered the words he spoke to me.
"Lee Lee, I love you more than anything in this world. Thank you for agreeing to be my wife. I promise to cherish you every day that we spend together. I promise to be your shoulder to cry on whenever someone hurts you."
I thought about that. "I promise to be your shoulder to cry on…" I silently chuckled to myself. Yeah, right. Where was he now, huh? Where was my shoulder to cry on now? Oh that's right. He gave it away to the first available pussy. He gave it away to the first pretty girl he could. What a dickhead.
I decided that I did need to give up on him, though. I would never have him back. Even if he figured out what he had done was wrong, I would never take him back. The least they could have done was take their kiss somewhere private. Everyone on that beach knew that Sam and I had been together for years. They knew we were engaged. How could he kiss someone else in front of all of us? How could he be so insensitive?
I swear in the past few days everyone had been over to see if I was alright. I always told my mom not to let them in to my room. I didn't want to see their pity looks. I didn't want to hear how sorry they were. I didn't want to hear how they thought Sam was wrong or whatever. It didn't matter to me. None of what they could say would be news to me. So it just didn't matter to me.
I got up out of bed for the first time in hours. My whole body hurt from not being used like it should. I walked over to the framed picture of us together. It was taken at prom when I was a senior. I could still see us dancing together. I could still see the love in his eyes that night.
I was lost in my memories when I heard a knock on the door. I turned around and hurled the picture frame at the door. As it registered in my mind who was there, I was not sorry for my reaction. I saw Emily, my former sister, the bitch, standing there in the doorway. I started to see blood trickling down her eye. There was a small cut just above her eye where the picture frame had hit her.
I was seething. "Get. Out. Of. My. House," I said through clenched teeth.
"Leah, you need to listen to me," she tried to say.
I cut her off though. "No, Emily. I don't need to listen to someone who comes into town, and proceeds to take her cousin's fiancé. We were like sisters, Em, but that didn't matter to you. You didn't give a shit about me when you stole by man." I turned to start packing things up.
"Lee, you need to understand, there are things going on here that you don't understand."
I turned back to her. The tears were threatening to overflow again. "Then make me understand because you're right. I can't understand how someone I saw as my sister could come in and steal my boyfriend within moments of meeting him. So, please, make me understand how that can happen."
"I can't tell you exactly what happened but when I saw him-"
"You know what? Spare me the details of how my life just crumbled from beneath me, ok? Just get out."
"Leah, please, don't give up our friendship; don't give up on family, because of this."
"I SAID GET OUT!" I screamed at her throwing my lamp at her head. Unfortunately I didn't take the time to aim first and only ended up hitting the wall beside her.
"Would you stop throwing things at me?" she said after she ducked out of the way and caught her breath. "Leah, I don't want to lose you because of some guy."
I rushed over to her and got in her face. "Some guy? Some guy? That was my fiancé. That was the man I was going to spend my life with. He wasn't just some guy. The only reason I lost him was because of YOU! I would still be with him, I would still be able to cry on his shoulder damn it, if it weren't for your slutty ass. Now if you don't mind, I would like to finish packing a few things."
I turned around and was happy as hell to hear my door shut. I continued to try to box Sam's things up. I wasn't sure what I would do with it, but I knew I didn't want pictures of him around my room. There were a lot too. My room had been covered with pictures of us.
I hope they were happy. They certainly deserved each other. Both of them were assholes. Only assholes could turn their back on someone who supposedly meant so much to them.
It was three years since that day, and I still was brought to tears as I thought about it. Today would have been our anniversary. Our wedding anniversary. Emily had ruined everything. The bitch had had the kids I should have had. The man that was mine. I would never forgive her.
