we'll never be normal
and-
and-
and-
there is comfort in that sentence, somehow
how fucked up is it anyways that his girlfriend (whom she likes and respects, despite the whole death and decay thing- hello, normal legs) and her boyfriend (whom she loves, despite the hairy moon thing) were a couple?
it feels as if they are intruding, justin and her, she and justin, them, they, as if they do not belong, are only passer bys, and juliet and mason meant to be a lesson somehow, or a warning, or a fairy tale without happy end
but of course this isn't how it ends, because when has alex ever been lucky? no, she gets mason declaring his love for juliet, and juliet declaring her love for justin and justin does not declare his love for her
(not that she expected this, or anything)
she sits in the lair, crying, and misses the pulsing necklace on her chest, and her mom makes a comment on her feelings, and harper invents 'alex's watch' while she just wants to be alone and mason, mason, mason
a fight, her brother against her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend, whatever), a necklace that does not lie, sometimes she hates magic
a howl, a wolf, a plea for normalcy
a brother
she clenches the necklace in her fist when she sleeps, and sees mason transforming into a wolf, juliet growing old in mere seconds, and then-
then-
she sees mason, still with the necklace, transforming again, but this time he grows a couple of inches, his hair grows dark, his eyes becoming light grey, his face more angular
the necklace around his neck brighter than she has ever seen it before
she wakes up, gasping and throws the stupid thing far away
(again)
he blames her for juliet
he never says it in so many words, but he doesn't have to
the looks make it clear
the cutting remarks
the cruelty
she lost mason too, but now, she is losing him
that, she can't handle
they seem to be growin t
he is so stupid. they are so stupid. falling right back into the same, old patterns, confessions lost and scattered to the wind like they never were, but they should know better
shouldn't they
it's us
it's us
it's us
it's you that made the whole school hate me because i won the award you wanted and you couldn't handle it
because i made it seem so effortless, while you had done everything
student body president, valedictorian but this one thing you cannot grant me
did we not have this conversation, hovering over a certain death?
she screams at him, later, when she gets him alone, screams and cries and hates herself for crying but who does he think he is and why weren't you helping me and how could you be so cruel to me and don't i deserve love and happiness too
and she shoves past him the moment she thinks she has said too much-
and he grabs her arm and pulls her back-
and she pushes him-
and he pulls her with him-
and they end up falling to the couch, her laying on top of him-
and he wraps his arms around her and doesn't let go, whispering into her hair-
stay
it isn't juliet
it isn't harper
it's alex
he kisses her
thinking it is harper as juliet
there are so many things wrong with that sentence
her stomach flutters
that is not okay
when she goes off to save mason
it's mainly a distraction
because justin, justin justin justin justin justin
justin
because it's you and i, how could we not
because it's us
(it's us)
then they have to go save the world
(again)
it doesn't quite work out
(again)
they're both demoted to level one
they sit on the balcony together, pondering their future
she gives up
and mason and she have to break up
and the cucuys party is a disaster
and alex doesn't think things through
(as usual)
i haven't seen mason around in a while, he says
that's because i broke up with him, she says
why? he asks
why do you think? she asks
he wraps an arm around her
it feels like home
home
then
rosie happens
and they have to go save the world
except
she has to do it alone
and in the end justin comes back for rosie
not for her
she wins the wizard of the year award
gets back into the competition
her boyfriend stands her up
her brother makes a hateful speech
they are right back to where they started
standing on rocks over an abyss
(again)
i'm sorry for what happened today
no you're not
what?
you keep doing it, justin. every time i do something better than you, you go off, ranting, crying, being mad. why can't you grant me anything for once? why can't you simply be proud? why can't you be a good brother?
her voice breaks
(why can't you love me?)
alex...
no
i don't think i can forgive you this time
he doesn't say a word
wraps his blue bathrobe around her and leaves
she cries
then
he accuses her of sabotaging his class
and alex cries again
because she cannot believe his faith in her is so weak
she proves herself
but realises
she's done with him
she decides to give magic up again
now that mason is not there, she has no motivation left
and
she was never going to win this thing anyway
so
she uses her last spell to make everything from her art studio big again
enrols in art class
and breaks her wand in two
she sells her paintings
moves out as soon as she can
tells her family she has decided to become aunt meg
because this thing was always going to end in tears and shards and broken pieces
she doesn't speak to her family for three years
learns through harper that justin won (what a surprise) and that max inherited the subway shop
justin flashes in on her birthday the fourth year
she throws paint brushes at him until he leaves
maybe this story could have ended differently
like this:
a band called alabaster carnation
a brother and sister
a conversation about normalcy, being together and being alright
sometimes she dreams about it
then she remembers
shards of wood pressing into her palms
and she wakes up
paints
and learns to be okay
A/N: Because sometimes there is nothing else you can do than let go, let your heart break and then put the shards back together, and that is not giving up, that is learning to quit, and that is okay.
