Well, I guess dying doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would.
"You are not dead. You are in the realm of choice."
A voice washed over me, cold yet comforting, warm yet terrifying. Age spanning all of time and space lingered in that voice, but I had no idea how I knew that. It wasn't meant to talk back. It was meant to be silent. Why won't anything go right? God, I can't even die properly.
"You, Lizvetta Ravenscroft, chose to take your life. You chose to die because your life hurt too much to live, correct?" the voice asked, seeming to come closer in the darkness that surrounded me. "You wrists are marked by your wish to die, because you could not bear to live."
Hurt too much to live . . . yeah, I guess you could say that, I responded, vivid flashes of my life blazing past my vision. Flickers of pain, memories best buried, all dragged into the open like commercials, seconds of my life I wanted to be over. Why are you showing me this? Stop!
"I am not showing you these images. They come from your mind, from your memories. When a soul dies, it cries out for salvation, and sometimes, I am the one to answer. Your soul is not done, it feels as if it has more to accomplish, and I have come to give you a choice."
I don't want to go back. Please, don't make me go back. It hurts.
"Lizvetta Ravenscroft. You may choose to continue on, to go to the place of souls lost, or you may choose another path." the voice of choices said, denying my protests; uncaring, and without comfort. "Should you choose the first, only darkness and pain will await you, your soul gone to the lost lands, but should you choose the latter, you leave the life you wish to escape from and enter a new world, one of manmade creation. You will be given the skills you will need to survive. Trust in them and you will not falter."
I just want to die . . .. Haven't I been through enough? You saw what happened to me. What I lived through. Can't I just . . . sleep?
"No. Choose. Be lost upon the stars, or travel amongst them."
I don't want to be lost . . .. I wanted to be gone, but never lost. I've been lost before . . . I don't want to feel that again. I don't want to feel anything.
"Is your choice made?"
Yes.
Electricity sparked around me, arching through the air and slamming into my chest. Energy swirled and I came apart, shattered into a million pieces like torn petals in a gale. Every molecule of my being screamed in agony, as if someone had set me on fire, burning me alive. I screamed, begged, and pleaded for it to stop, but no such mercy came. My voice broke and my body came together in a flash of light, the force throwing me back.
As I flew through space, I heard the voice once more. "You will not hear from me again, but I wish you luck in your new life, and hope this second chance brings joy, not pain. You have been placed on a station called Omega. Find the one known as Thane Krios. His soul is also lost. Perhaps you can find one another."
I blinked my eyes open as the voice of choices washed over me for the final time, leaving me in numbing silence. "Ow," I whispered, my voice ragged with the screams torn from my throat. I blinked again, the mist of tears leaving, giving me my first sight of the world the voice had sent me to.
Oh. My. God.
A/N: Well, as you all know, I have a self insert, but I've decided to write something a little more . . . real. A little more me. Lizvetta is my real name, Amiee, in my other SI is my chosen name.
I wanted to explore the Mass Effect we don't get to see, and this is what I came up with, so, I hope you enjoy it, and leave me some feedback with your thoughts.
Some big thanks to Palven Blues, TenyumeKasumi and Mizdirected, for being amazing women, friends and beta readers. Thank you all for giving me the courage to strip down who I am, and write this story that I hope will be worth the emotional agony I know is to come.
Also, thanks to Mizdirected for the awesome cover; the symbol of the Shuriken blade wrapped in a flower means balance, harmony and of course, choice.
