One day, Iron Man was walking through the ghetto to gain some swag and rep. A suspicious guy in a hoodie stepped towards him and sayed, "DAYUMM" and Iron Man held out his repulsor hand and said "Raper no raping! Raper no raping!" And the suspicious guy snapped his fingers, said "Aww man!" and ran away. Iron Man continued his swagger through the ghetto. In a dumpster, he founded an abandoned baby. So he closed the lid so that the baby could stay cool from the intense heat, and walked away to find a pimp.

He saw a crackhead on a corner and asked him where to find some ladies. The crackerhead said no. Iron Man said, "I thought you were a pimple!" And the cracked head walked to an abandoned building and brought out a little boy in drag. "Ugh!" said Iron Man, "What do I look like Batman to you?" And he stormed off.

That was when Iron Man saw the love of his life – love at first sight – Master Chief from Halo, with some dealers. Iron Man's hard on grew two sizes that day. He "casually" walked over and overheard Master Chief asking about pot. Iron Man posed sexily and said, "Babe, why have pot when you can have some hot metal?" Master Chief stared at him and drooled. Iron Man ran his hand sensually down his armor and poked Master Chief's helmet, "Why don't we go back to my place, hmm?" Iron Man did some suggestive poses and motions. "We can talk, remove our armor, y'know… connect?" He tapped against Chief's metal crotch piece, hinting a bit.

Master Chief nodded silently and Iron Man grabbed his waist and held him close. They flew all the way to Stark Tower. Pepper Potts said, "Tony what." And Iron Man said "not now." They both ran to his workshop and took their armor off. Iron Man took his helmet thing off and stared up at Chief with his big, cute, mud brown eyes. Master Chief be so sexy. Chief had shaved dark hair and bright blue eyes. He had the dankest grills and tattoos. He was like 8 feet tall and really white, he was really beautiful, like a true Aryan. Cortana could sense what was about to happened and said, "Chief, you're going to need co—" But Chief said, "Shut the fack up, you ratchet ho," and turned her mute.

John-117 pulled Tony to him and laid him down on the floor because of the awkward height difference. They kissered but they did not make love because John-117 had no sex drive. They cuddled and watched movies and had fun. It was really nice. Until a wild Pikachu appeared! Pikachu ran streaking through the room. But it was actually Captain America with Pikachu body paint on his toned, naked body. It was really weird. So Tony and John-117 decided to order shawarma and Chinese food to fix their date.

Tony had John-117 tell him stories from being in training and stuff, because Tony liked John's sexy low gravelly voice. They cuddled and a year later they got married and they had beautiful genetically modified Aryan babies.