"People, we've got a problem. A very big problem."

Throughout the multiverse, various hero teams stared with sudden concern at their grim-faced leader, who'd just summoned them without any warning to this conference room from these groups' customary task of defending and protecting humanity against scheming villains and natural disasters of all kinds.

Unaware of the same identical thing happening to a good many other people in different technological realities and locations, the following individuals known as Rupert Giles, Bob Parr, Scott Summers, Kwame, Bruce Wayne, Will Stronghold, Jenny Sparks, Jason Lee Scott, Steve Rogers and a lot more told their attentive audiences, "Somehow, someone totally unknown managed to anonymously hack into our security systems and other surveillance cameras where we've been in both public and private areas. For how long exactly, we don't know, but in some cases it might go as far back as a couple of years. Because, no matter how long it took, they managed to observe us carrying out a specific action-"

Right then and there, their leader was always interrupted by a member of their group realizing with horror, "They caught us changing into our secret identities and then fighting against the bad guys, didn't they?!"

No matter whom, this worried question addressed to them only produced a very unique expression of flustered distaste from Batman, et al: "Actually, no. That'd at least be reasonable. Instead, whoever did it were careful not to provide any clues at all to who we are behind our masks or reveal other confidences we have. It doesn't make me any happier, though, considering what came next."

After seeing the looks of abrupt relief pass over every visage of those gathered in the conference room with this person announcing that, the following delivered bad news just brought back their growing anxiety. "Whoever did this, they edited it all together in a video, and then they put it on-line everywhere on the Net. It's now gone viral despite what we might try, without any hope of getting it off since just about everybody with a computer downloaded and sent it to their friends, breaking all kinds of video-sharing records. Personally, I think the worse thing is the added musical arrangement-"

"What are you talking about?" came in a bewildered chorus from those champions of justice staring with genuine bafflement at their leader.

Sighing wearily, that person in charge performed the necessary actions to bring up onto the nearest computer wall monitor a certain Youtube offering already well past several billion hits and showing no signs of stopping there. To the accompaniment of a bouncy tune that caused every head in the room to turn, this video started playing.

One after the other, an assortment of extremely fit human buttocks of either gender were shown, all clad in clinging pants, skirts, and tights of spandex, leather, and other stretchy garments in various colors and designs ranging from midnight to red-white-blue. Before the rear ends of the individual now shown on the monitor changed to another different person also unknowingly presenting to the camera their gluteus maximus muscles, one hand or both (usually gloved but in some cases not) belonging to this same man or woman would then appear onto the image and then perform the familiar yank/tug to adjust again into its proper position their underwear beneath their costumes or fighting clothes.

Before anyone else in the numerous universes could react, Buffy Summers disbelievingly screamed out loud at seeing right away herself up there, "That's me, when Warren and his stupid sidekicks had Sunnydale covered with their spy cameras! Who the hell did this?!" A second later, glancing around the New Council room where everyone was now gawking at her, Buffy said much more quietly, "Ooops…"


I am…The Watcher. Ours is the oldest race of them all, sworn to do nothing but observe what occurs among the younger beings throughout the cosmos. My own duty is to witness the inhabitants of the planet known as Earth in each of its different existences. I have seen great good and great evil, cruelties and kindnesses, and a particular habit common to those heroes participating in extensive physical activities.

Enough. Can't you people at least put your back against the nearest wall before fixing a wedgie? You should be ashamed of yourselves, letting down the ordinary humans looking up to their heroes acting so indecorously. I can't take it anymore, and that's what I'll tell the other stuffed shirts if these Watchers come around complaining I broke our vow of non-interference.

Not that there'll be any chance of me being punished for this. All I'll need to do to get off scot-free is to offer to show them a few million years of humans picking their noses. Which is the next video ready and waiting to be sent out, only this time it'll be the villains' turn.

Yes, Doctor Doom does it, too.

Once again, I am…The Fed-Up Watcher.