Counting on Forever Chapter 1
Today was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. It had been almost eighteen months in the making. Lucy looked down at herself while she sat in front of her good friend, Cancer's, chair with a sigh. The dress and hairstyle change had been very last minute, chosen hardly one week before the date. This had not been how she planned to look on this day, but somehow it was still very fitting for how she was feeling.
"You look stunning," Cancer murmured quietly behind her as he finished with her hair. Lucy sighed softly again as she looked at herself in the mirror. She felt like she didn't even know who the person in the mirror was; she looked so different from her usual. She had had Cancer cut off her formerly long locks, shearing it to just beneath her chin. She tilted her head from one side to the other, taking in the change with somewhat wide eyes; her hair had NEVER been this short.
"It's perfect," Lucy whispered, her voice hiding some unknown emotion, "Thank you, Cancer." Cancer smiled softly at her before he removed the cloth he had draped around her to prevent the cut locks from getting on her dress.
"It was a pleasure, as always," Cancer said, twirling the scissors in his hand with his signature flare. Lucy smiled very slightly at this before she stood with yet another sigh, smoothing her dress down as she stepped away from the swiveling chair.
"How much do I owe you?" she asked as she picked up her purse from the shelf underneath Cancer's worktable.
"Don't worry about it," Cancer said with a wave of his hand, "It is always nice to help out a friend." Lucy stared at him in shock before trying to splutter something about having taken up his time and needing to pay him for it. Cancer just waved his hand again before he shoved her out the front door. "You have places to be, baby," he said with a sad smile as he nodded at Lucy's driver, Capricorn. The other man took Lucy's new haircut in stride as he opened the passenger's side door for her to climb in.
"Was your visit with Cancer what you wanted it to be?" Capricorn asked after he had shut her door and made his way behind the wheel of the vehicle.
"Yes," Lucy said softly as she stared off into space. "When will we reach the church, Capricorn?"
"It will take about thirty minutes," Capricorn said as he maneuvered through traffic expertly.
"I'm…just going to rest until we get there. Please let me know when we are close," Lucy whispered.
"Yes ma'am," she heard Capricorn respond softly as she let her eyelids flutter closed. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, knowing how hard this day was going to be for her. Originally he and the others who worked with and for her had not wanted her to go, even her usually harsh editor Aquarius. Her poor personal assistant Aries had burst into tears when she had begged her to stay home, saying that it wasn't right and that she was sorry. Granted Aries usually apologized for every little thing, even when she did something right, but in this instance, everyone had understood why Aries was apologizing; they all felt the same way. He sighed soundlessly as he took the on ramp to the freeway. He would get to the church faster if he didn't use city streets. And besides…even if he didn't agree with what his mistress was doing…he would still do it for her.
They reached the church in record time, barely twenty minutes after they left Cancer's salon, due to Capricorn's excellent driving. Already he could see people milling around outside, including Lucy's friends Erza, Gray, and Levy; he had even spotted Mira and Lisanna hanging around somewhere closer to the doors of the church, surrounded by people. He almost breathed out a sigh of relief at seeing them. Surely they would be able to help Lucy through this day. He came rolling to a stop at the front of the church, watching Lucy through the corner of his eye as he had alerted her to their proximity to the church moments ago. Her eyes looked dead as she stared at the groups of people before the church. This was not how either of them had ever imagined this day going.
Before Capricorn could even make his way out of the car to get Lucy's door, Levy was there pulling it open. Lucy looked at her startled as Levy leaned into the car and embraced her, tears shining in her eyes.
"Oh Lu…" Levy said, hiccupping through her tears, "You cut off your hair." Despite the seat belt between them and the fact the car was quite a bit taller than her, Levy crushed herself to Lucy, knowing how much she would need support today. Lucy had been shocked at first, but then wrapped her arms around Levy in return, squeezing her tightly and wishing this day was going to go as planned, but knowing it wouldn't.
Once Levy felt she had hugged her friend enough, for the moment, she released her and stepped back out of the car so Lucy could unbuckle her seatbelt and get out. By then both Erza and Gray had reached her, as well as Gray's wife Juvia. Lucy looked at Gray with pain in her heart; he still looked awful, not fully recovered, even after six months back. He didn't smile at her, but instead stiffly nodded before looking down at his feet, his hands fisted around his crutches.
Juvia had smiled slightly at Lucy, complimenting her on her new, shorter hairstyle as well as the deep burgundy dress she wore while Erza brought Lucy in for an embrace, smashing Lucy's head against her chest, making Lucy grateful Erza was not wearing any body armor in that moment. Juvia then looked to her husband, struggling to meet Lucy's gaze. She sighed softly as she moved closer to him, squeezing his shoulder in support. Gray looked at her then, smiling softly at the love reflected in Juvia's eyes. Just as he was about to turn to Lucy, the pastor stepped out of the church to announce the ceremony was about to begin. Immediately everyone in their group stiffened before, as one, they made their way into the building, Lucy waving to Capricorn to let him know she was fine with her friends as he left.
Lucy couldn't help but stare around the church as she entered, Levy's arm wrapped tightly around her waist to provide support. Everyone she could see was wearing black and several people were sniffling and quite a few were even outright sobbing. She could not understand it and felt dazed as her group made their way to the front, where there were three rows of pews reserved for them. Levy helped Lucy sit in the very first row of pews, right next to Mira, then left her to sit a few rows behind her. Lucy thought this would happen since the reserved rows were for family only, and while Lucy felt Levy was her sister, she knew the other girl would not want to offend anyone.
"How are you holding up, Lucy?" a soft voice asked her. She turned her head slightly to see Mira looking at her, a small smile on her face as she held her three month old close to her chest. Lucy's heart clenched, hard, at the sight. This was a hard day for Mira, too.
"I should be asking you the same thing," Lucy replied, nodding towards Mira and her baby girl. Mira's eyes widened for a moment before she shut them and took a deep breath before opening them again. Lucy was not surprised to see the tears swimming in her beautiful blue eyes and felt guilty for having brought to mind why they were both there. In that moment, though, Lucy could not help but notice that Mira was not wearing black like everyone else. Instead she was wearing a bright, cheerful yellow, her daughter a dark purple. Lucy also shockingly realized in that moment that none of her friends were wearing black. Only people who had not known them were wearing black, making Lucy wonder who had even thought to put this together in the first place.
"This day is hard for me," Mira admitted, looking down at her daughter again and kissing the top of her sleeping head, "But I know it's harder for you. After all…whoever would have thought they would be attending a memorial service on what was supposed to be their wedding day?" Mira looked at her with sympathy filled eyes, even as a single tear made its way down her cheek.
Seeing the usually sweet, happy Mira cry, even just a single tear, seemed to break something in Lucy and she felt her own tears start to flow.
"It just isn't fair, Mira! Why did this have to happen to us? Why to them? What have we all ever done to deserve this!" she said, crying harder than she had in months as Mira shifted her baby to her left arm to wrap her right arm around the crying blonde. Lucy responded in kind, wrapping her left arm around Mira while the other went down to help support her daughter.
The church seemed to fall silent around them as the pastor made his way up to the pulpit, only the occasional sniffle breaking through. Mira and Lucy continued to hold one another as they silently cried, both asking the same questions in their minds over and over as the pastor started to speak.
"We are here today to celebrate the lives of two great men," the pastor began solemnly. "It is with terrible sadness that I come to speak before you today to remember them as they were. Today we are here to remember Laxus Dreyar and Natsu Dragneel, two great men who went missing in combat six months ago." Lucy felt a pang drive through her heart at hearing her fiancé's name, and she suddenly felt so suffocated she couldn't even breathe. She felt Mira stiffen against her, as well, at hearing her husband's name.
"Oh God Laxus," Mira whimpered, clutching both Lucy and her baby girl closer to her, her tears falling faster down her cheeks. Both women held each other as the pastor continued to drone on about their respective significant others, each word seeming to drive deeper into their hearts even more. It was just a dream, right? This couldn't really be happening to them…
When the pastor had finally finished talking, they heard the military band that had been asked to be there start up as people all around them stood up, ready to head to the cemetery where two headstones had been put up to commemorate both men. Lucy opened her eyes when she felt a cool hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Gray staring at both women, tears falling slowly down his cheeks. In that moment it physically hurt to look at the man she thought of as a brother. He had been there. With both Natsu and Laxus. He had been there with them; he was in the same unit. His uniform was just like the one she ironed for Natsu, the one she helped him straighten and perfect before official functions. It physically HURT to see him then, and she shut her eyes against the pain, wanting to shut out everything and everyone except for the woman she still clung to and who clung to her.
"Lucy I'm so sorry," Gray choked out, wavering on his crutches as he watched her squeezing her eyes shut against the pain he knew she was feeling. He was feeling a similar pain…Natsu had been his best friend for goodness' sake! Sure they fought like cats and dogs, but Gray still thought of Natsu as his best friend. They had grown up together. He had introduced Gray to Juvia, his beautiful wife of three years now, and he had never been more grateful to Natsu. Now he had to deal with this pain. He had been there with Laxus and Natsu. He knew he was at fault for their MIA status. He should have followed Natsu when he went off after their commander, Laxus, but he had been too messed up to even move. His injuries had almost killed him, more than once, in the days after the ambush that had taken away his friends. Even now he still struggled with getting around, still needing crutches even six months after the initial incident.
Lucy fought with herself to open her eyes and look Gray in the eye again. After a few moments, she did, and gasped at what she saw there. Despair, defeat…guilt; the man who was just like a brother to her looked utterly broken. But that wasn't right! It wasn't right! Gray shouldn't be looking at her like that, like he was to blame for all of this. She heard Mira gasp next to her as well as she took in Gray's expression. As one, both women stood and embraced Gray, Mira with one arm since the other still held her baby, all three of them breaking down emotionally before sinking to the ground. Gray's crutches clattered uselessly to the ground as they all embraced, forming a bizarre kind of circle.
All around them they knew were their friends and family, and then suddenly they felt more people embracing them. Lucy looked to her right and saw Juvia embracing both her and Gray, tears falling from her brilliant blue eyes. Then she turned to her left and saw both Elfman and Lisanna hugging Mira from behind, one of Lisanna's hands reaching out to touch Lucy's shoulder. She knew Levy was embracing her fully from behind while she saw Erza embracing both Gray and Mira on the opposite side of the circle from her, her ruby red hair hanging to cover her eyes.
As they all kneeled and sat on the floor holding one another, trying to just alleviate even an ounce of the pain each of them was in, an associate pastor came up behind them, clearing his throat rather imperiously.
"I'm so sorry ladies and gentlemen…but I must ask you to leave now. There is another ceremony taking place here today," he said, glaring down at Lucy in particular. She glared right back at him, knowing this was the jerk-off who had scheduled this memorial on what had previously been her wedding day. He was entirely too chipper telling them to vacate the premises.
"Excuse me," Erza said as she stood, straightening her military uniform as she glared at the man, causing him to gulp and take a step backwards, "But can't you see we are grieving? You, as a man of the church, should show more sympathy!" Her friends all smiled a bit as Erza advanced on the man, her anger terrible to behold but enough to lift them out of their seemingly endless depression.
"I…I'm s-sorry, miss!" the associate pastor gasped, taking another, rather frantic, step backwards, "But there is another ceremony taking place here and I…" Erza never let him finish his sentence as she punched him in the jaw, sending him flying backwards into one of the pews. She was breathing heavily as she lowered her arm back down to her side before she turned back to her friends, her family.
"We should be heading to the cemetery now…" Mira said in a soft voice, staring at each of her family members in turn. No longer could she only call them her friends truly had not since the beginning. They were family, now and forever. "I…I need to see it. The h-headstone they made for him. Even if I know he's not there…I still need to see it. M-Mavis needs to see it, too," she whispered, looking down at her and Laxus's daughter. She was so beautiful, so much like her mother. But as Mavis woke in that moment, revealing her eyes, Mira kissed her gently before she just stared into her husband's eyes in her daughter's face. Her eyes were an exact copy of his…their shape and blue-gray color exactly like his. She kissed her forehead again while Elfman helped his sister to stand.
All around them, everyone was beginning to stand. Lucy watched as Juvia helped Gray up, him leaning heavily on her, as Erza reached down and picked up his crutches. Behind her she felt Levy hauling both of them to their feet, Lucy swaying unsteadily on her heels for a moment. Once her balance was found again, she turned to all of her friends and walked out of the church with them, making their way around to the back where the cemetery was.
All of them had taken so long in the church that not a soul stood out back. Carefully they all traipsed through the cemetery, being careful not to tread on another's grave as they made their way about a half a mile away from the church itself. Two large, beautiful, black marble headstones lay on the grass. On the left was one for Laxus; on the right was one for Natsu. As Mira and Lucy approached their respective loves' headstones, Lucy fell to her knees while Mira slowly sank to the ground, being careful of little Mavis in her arms.
Lucy said nothing as she stared at Natsu's headstone, although she could hear Mira murmuring softly to Mavis only a few feet away. Behind them they could feel the stares of their family members, but out of respect no one approached them, letting them have their moments. After a while, Mira finally rose, sniffling as she made her way back to her brother and sister. A few quiet, murmured words later, Mira waved to everyone as the three made their way out of the cemetery, most likely heading home to grieve in private. Eventually Erza and Levy also left, both apologizing as they hugged Lucy but needing to head home. Erza had only gotten a babysitter for a few hours, and was nearing the end of her time limit, while Levy had to head to work. Lucy just nodded as they left, grateful for even an ounce of their support.
Lucy continued to just stare at the headstone in front of her even after almost everyone left. Her eyes kept tracing the words there. "In honor of Natsu Dragneel. A true and honorable friend. Missing in action January 7". She couldn't understand it. It didn't make sense.
"Baby why'd you leave me?" she whispered finally. "Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever…now you're not here. They're all telling me you won't be coming back. That I should just give up on you, but Natsu, how do I do that? I love you! I can't just let you go! It's just not fair…" she started sobbing again as rain started to fall from what had been clear skies. Dark and ominous thunderclouds rolled overhead, lightning streaking across the sky as she let the rain drench her.
"Natsu, Natsu, what do I do?" she whispered, raising her face to the sky as she heard Gray's crutches approaching her. "Natsu today was the day you were supposed to marry me. We are supposed to spend forever together. How can I do that if you're not here? I can't even breathe without you…"
"Lucy…" Gray began, having heard her last words, "Lucy I am just so sorry!" He was leaning heavily on one crutch, his other hovering over his face, trying to stop the tears that he knew wanted to fall.
Lucy finally stood when she heard Gray's words, turning to look at her brother with a sad, soft smile. She had wallowed for far too long, spending the past six months making her way through her life like she was in the background, not truly living. Wherever Natsu was, he wouldn't want this for her, for any of them. He would be berating them all, for having given up on living, even if he was missing. She wouldn't continue to do it. She wouldn't let any of them continue to do it. She was going to live, for both her AND Natsu, so that when he did finally come home, he would be proud of her.
"Gray," Lucy said softly, eyeing Juvia who stood in the background, looking utterly devastated at her husband, before she nodded at the other woman. Startled, Juvia nodded back, knowing Lucy was going to say what Gray needed to hear even as the rain fell down upon them all. "How was any of this your fault? I don't blame you for Natsu going missing, and I KNOW he doesn't blame you either. You were injured, almost fatally wounded, Gray. If you had followed after him, you would be dead. Natsu wouldn't want that. He would want you to live so next time you guys meet he can fight you and you guys can try to see, again, who's better," Lucy said with a slight laugh, her eyes twinkling for the first time in six months. "Natsu thought of you as his best friend, his brother-in-arms. He would never want you to beat yourself up over something like this. He wouldn't want any of us to be feeling this way, to just stop living and grieve when he's not even dead."
Gray startled at Lucy's vibrant tone and the expression on her face. She looked…alive. She looked alive for the first time since he came home and had to tell her the man she loves more than life itself was missing and no one knew where he was or even where to start looking for him. It had torn him apart inside to see her looking so dead these past months. Looking at her now, so full of hope for the future, he could not help but stop his self-loathing thoughts.
"He's alive out there, Gray. I just know it," she whispered to him suddenly. "He wouldn't let anyone beat him. And I know he'll make his way back to us."
Gray stared at her, surprised beyond words at her upbeat words. Natsu had been gone for six months, and Lucy had acted like he'd been dead this whole time. He wondered what had suddenly changed her attitude. Whatever it was, he decided, he was very grateful for it. He had missed her happy and hopeful personality desperately. He nodded then before looking back at his beautiful wife. Juvia stood there, in the pouring rain, just watching him. When she saw him looking at her, his eyes no longer half dead, she gave him the most brilliant smile he had seen on her face in a while. He had not realized until this exact moment how much she had suffered with him, and he felt terrible for it. He glanced at Lucy once before seeing her smile at him and nod towards Juvia. Without a second thought, he made his way back towards her, the two of them walking together to their car.
Lucy watched Gray and Juvia go with a smile, a true, genuine smile. She knew she still had a long way to go before she fully recovered, fully came back to herself, and she even knew that she might not be "100% Lucy" again until Natsu came back. But she wasn't going to keep herself from living any more. She loved Natsu, more than anything and anyone, and he would tell her to keep fighting. So until the day they were reunited, she was going to do just that.
"I won't ever stop fighting for you," Lucy whispered to the sky as the rain continued to fall down on her. "I know you've been gone for a long time…but I won't ever stop trying to find you. And since I won't ever stop…that means you can't either. I believe in you, Natsu."
Lucy smiled, a twinkle in her eye as she looked back down at the headstone that bore her love's name, "After all…I'm counting on forever…Natsu."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: So this was my very first fanfiction! I hope people enjoy it, because it was actually a blast to write, even with the somewhat angsty nature of the story! First off let me say that I DO NOT OWN FAIRY TAIL OR THE SONG JUST A DREAM BY CARRIE UNDERWOOD. All credit for both original works goes to their respective owners; I just borrowed characters and a basic premise from the song for my story :). Also, a HUGE thank you needs to go out to my friend, AleeGee, for being the first to read this and telling me I should publish! Please go check out her stories because she is fantastic! :) Finally, just a thank you to anyone who reads this, whether you enjoy it or not, I appreciate that you took the time to do so! Please review if you feel so inclined; I greatly appreciate it!
AUTHOR'S NOTE 2.0: I went ahead and went back and re-edited this chapter to fix a few grammatical errors I found. Hopefully it flows more smoothly without those errors.
