A.N: Obviously, I don't own CSI. If I did, the entire dast would be still the same, with no leavings, deaths, or wathever.
Anyway…This story sets up at the fifth season, after the episode where Sara tells Grissom about her past. Yes, it's another " what if…" fic, but hey… give it a try. I always tought that Grissom could have handle the situation Better, if you know what I mean… and I've always felt that the rest of the team should know about the true.
Please, Review!
CHAPTER 1- INSIGHTS
When I once again keep thinking back about how and when it started, the answer always comes quick and clear as water. And the very rare people that really know me also know that I'm all about evidence, and not simple conjecturations and maybes. In fact, many of my co workers, at sometime of our long partnership, have eventually come to be annoyed by the famous Gil Grissom antics and weirdness. Probably Cath was the one that had most confronted me about it. But heck, that woman is one of the few persons in the world who can dance over my head and still get away with it. Of course we had ours disagreements, both personal ( even when she used to say " What personal, Gil?") and professional.
And it was actually with a professional problem ( at least this is what most of the lab think anyway. But Me and my team now know that there was so much more) that everything started.
It was a hard case. It's always hard when it comes to children, anyway. That time, it was no different. Except that the alleged child was a foster one. Now, I've had already realized some time ago that cases like that had a very strong effect on Sara. When times like this came, my usually easygoing and professional girl ( forgive for the girl word, but she was my girl since that blessed seminary in San Francisco, no matter how much I've denied and told her that no, we would never have anything more in common than our jobs).
But I'm getting ahead of the story. What I was saying is that I knew that Sara didn't react well when it came about two things: Domestic and women abuse, and cases envolving foster kids. She, of course, would never admit it, much less tell me or anyone ( and believe me, we tried sometimes) what exactly bottered her so much besides the obvious gruesome stuff of our jobs. However, if you know Sara Sidle, then you also know that she would dismiss your question easily with some blabbering about justice and a joke. At the worst scenario, she would be somewhat rude or snap at the suspect before getting out of the she would never whimper, complain or try to share the problem.
I will admit that many times I've left Sara out of big cases with what she angrily called dull duty, or would dismiss some of her ideas. At the time, I didn't give it much thought about my reasons. But the truth is,in my awkward,crazy way, I wanted to protect her of the most horrible things that could come. Being a man with no social skills at all, I never realized how hurtful it must have been for her, specially because she is a brilliant professional. That was what drawned her to me in the first place in san Francisco. Her questions, the twinckle in her eyes as she learned and took notes, the way she approached me in a bee line after my seminary with so many more question that lead us to a very long and pleasant dinner and a even more wonderful friendship. That was why, after the Holly Gribbs case, I took the opportunity to call her to do her own investigation, and later, to stay and complete the team. And she did without a wink of hesitation. And even knowing all of this about her competence, I would sometimes dismiss her eagerness and look at the other side when her brown eyes tried to questionate me. She had even solved more than 100 cases by the first time she set feet in Las Vegas, being already a level 3 CSI in san Francisco. Nicky had just earned this position. A little time later, I've decided that Warrick should go by the same way. Of course she also became a level 3. But because she arrived last at the time, seniority took its place. And I didn't ever asked her how she felt about it. I simply let her be and do her amazing job, watched she become a true member of our shift, watched her relashionship grow with each of us. It amused me to see her and Nicky together, cracking jokes and pretending to flirt at first, until finally settling down as some sibling thing. It warmed me to see that, even after the things she had to report about Warrick and the first bad impressions, they managed to sit down at the common room and talk for hours. It warmed me the way Warrick became protective about her. And even the small and not well hidden crush that Greg held for her for so long gave me some happiness( not only this,of course. Now that I'm being honest, the green eyed monster attacked me silently several times.), for it was impossible not to get a little lost in that huge smile of hers at Greg's feeble attempts. There was also Brass, someone that, despite not being exactly a CSI anymore, was part of the glue which kept us together. He too, had a soft spot on Sara, and eventually I caught him calling her "kiddo" or "Little girl".
And then, of course, there was Catherine. I knew she wasn't very happy when I first announced that Sara was coming. Being the amazingly sharp woman that she is, she must have sensed even then that my reasons to want Sara here weren't all completely professional( And believe when I say that Cath isn't smooth at all about this subject. Many yimes I was called loudly by her voice an asshole for not making a move at Sara.). And of course, she didn't want anyone snooping around and in her opinion finding a way to end with Warrick oh, after this was overcame, what a pair they did. I'm not going to say that they always agreed or so, for they are both way too strongheaded on their own way. Yes, there has been some Homeric fights between the two of them from time to time. But in the end, they were the girl gang, and if one needed some back up, wether if it was against someone from outside or one of us boys, the other was there. Catherine worried about Sara as an older sister would, patting her in the shoulder when sensing that something was bothering her friend,annoying her to use more make up and provocative clothing, worrying about her constant imnsonia,sometimes even telling her that she was too thin and needed to eat more ( I can actually recall this one time when Cath brought her a meat sandwich and tried to make Sara eat it telling she needed more protein. And being the sweet creature that my Sara is, even if people don't see this in her, she actually tried to eat it, until nausea came over and she had a super run to the bathroom. I still can also remember Cath apologizing profusely for not respecting her vegetarian way of life .). AS for sara, she was also there for cath. She would jump at someone's jugular if our friend's past as a dancer were used in any kind of pejorative way or made someone question Cath's habillities as a CSI. Sara Would worry about Lindsey just like the rest of us, remembering her birthdays, listening to Cath's worries about her daughter's behavior while growing up, and so on. I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that we were a team, a family. Or at least I thought so. I guess that under the surface, we didn't get the time to really, really know things about Sara until she actually broke by herself. We just assumed that the cases that got into her nerves happened because she was sensitive and feminist, and anything that messed with those things would piss her of. If only we knew…
And then, it finally came the day. Cath had just been promoted to boss of day shift. Ecklie was now the alleged boss of us all. And then, the foster kid happened.
When you work with things like this, you have to develop sometimes a certain way to get and do things. Each professional has it own. Sara had hers, and she used it, simple as that. She may had exacerbated, but back then, nobody knew that she was just too close to home to take care of her own actions. Being the one in charge on that case, Catherine felt that Sara's approach was wrong and told her so. It was just like adding a drop of a powerful explosive in a long prepared mine. In last than one minute, sara was roughly reminding Cath that she herself had used her own way sometimes,including her attributes at the case of that sick murderer that felt so atracked to cath that decided to get any information only to her. As an old friend, I knew far too well how awfull cath had felt about that, specially because it was sara's case by the beginning. So, my guess was that Cath, being herself also a very explosive woman reprehended Sara by this behavior. I truly believe that the happening would have soon subdued after a few harsh words between those two and some hours of late tension until they both pretended that it didn't happened, as they ususally is, if the one and only Conrad Ecklie, shining with pride with his newfound power position, hadn't appeared to witness that argument.
And that's when all hell broke loose. Being the obnoxious creature that he is, Ecklie cares about two thins in the world: His own ass and the ass kissing of the ones above your alleged position. And Sara, instead of being kissing the day shift department's boss ass, was indeed questioning her methods of working in front of everyone. And Catherine wasn't happy with Sara's attitude either. Of course, her motives were far different than Ecklie's. But yes, Cath did felt that she deserved more respect from sara. And she did, indeed. Even sara, if she was in her normal state of mind, would recognize it in some way. But no one had any a idea of the feelings that were awakening inside her, the pain, the hurt, hatre. As for cath, she needed to consolidate her position, and for that, she needed to be tough and punish such attitude. You see, Cath took no pleasure on this. But Ecklie was more than happy to suspend Sara and demand a formal sorry for Catherine, all the department and an entire evaluation made by me to decide if sara should still be working with us be the end of this.
I can still remember Sara's face by Ecklie's words, and I'm sure that she was ready to jump into his neck. But more than that, I could see the hurt in her eyes by looking into Cath's and fiding no disagreement with Conrad.
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It turned up that it wasn't very hard to make Sara speak to me after she just left the lab. I did what I never had the nerve to do. I knocked by her door and in less than a second I was sitting besides her . And I did what I've should have done by the first time I had noticed her reactions with such cases. I asked her what made her that way. Except, I wasn't ready for her answer.
I heard in horror while she described her life with an abusive father, so abusive that ended up killed by her own mother's hands, covering the house in blood. I heard her say that, after the crime, she was in foster care. In the past, I've already heard her saying about how horrible foster care could be. But even now, while she shakily described her fatrher's murderer, she stoped after the part where her mother was taken by the police and she was taken by social service. No word about what happened during the next years were pronounced, and by the time , I just thought that Sara was already too worned up for telling me such an horrid event. For the first time in my life, I saw Sara Sidle completely vulnerable, crying and sobbing so hard that I was a afraid she would hyperventilate. I touched her slightly, and made my first unworthy of forgiviness mistake that night. I didn't hug her. I didn't conforted her as any normal human been would.
She cried and cried, eventually falling asleep from pure tiredeness. And then, I did the worst mistake.
I laid her down on the couch, covered her up and left her. Alone with her ghosts.
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Crimes didn't stop happening while I was at Sara's, so I managed to get back to the lab. I avoided the inquisitives looks and questions full of worries of my boys, I ignored Ecklie's demands for me to let Sara go ( like hell that would happen), I dodged every attempt of Catherine to talk about that. I was still in shock with my girl's sad story.
By the end of the shift,with everyone,includind Cath, staring at me as if I could pull a solution from a magical hat all of a sudden, I was seriously considering what to do next: Go back to sara's? Call her? Share with the team the true? Punch Ecklie?
I didn't have to make any decision. My cell rang, and her rough voice filled my brain. I realized that I wasn't even breathing rightly.
" Hi, Sara. I was just thinking about calling you. How…?"- Her breathing was fast and shallow, and I immediately realized that she was crying again. Or maybe, she was still crying. " Sara? Honey?" If the attention was already on me by the first time I said her name, now everyone was mouth agape my the caressing word that came out of my lips. But right then, that sllipering moment didn't matter at all. In the past, I've used some warm words for her. But it was rare and ultimate, only when times were really hard. Like the time the lab exploded. But this time, I realized that no smiles were coming up of our friends lips, only frowns and worried stares.
" Gris…I'm quiting. I'm calling you to give my two weeks notice." Her voice was actually highpitched with the sobs, and I could barely understand what she was saying. And before I could say something back, she was gone. She hung her cell phone up and left me staring at mine in shock, until Greg carefully pocked me with a chopstick.
" Dude, you are white as a sheet. Is Sara ok?" Greg echoed everyone thoughts, even Cath's which rage had considerly subdued by now.
´´ Sara just quit."
My words were like a bombshell. First, that was the amazing silence. Then, Warrick started to curse, Nick immediately rose from his seat ready to go and fetch Sara, Greg mumbled something about killing Ecklie while giving sideways glances to Catherine. And Cath…well, I think that she just went in shock, for she just stood, wide eyed to me and my cell phone. But there was no time for reaction, for now the common room phone was ringing like tomorrow would never come. Not knowing what else to do, I picked it up.
" Grissom."
"Dr. Gilbert Grissom?" The distance sound of a woman's voice came to my ears, and I have the distinctive impression that she was angry.
" Yes, that me. Who is calling?"
" Just the girl that is going to fly all the way from south America to slice yours and your friend throats, you darn dumb ass. What the hell did you do to Sara?" Yes, the voice was definetly angry. But she was angry for Sara.
" I'm sorry, How did you get the receptionist to pass you to this private number? And more importantly, what do you know about Sara?"
" Oh, why don't you try and find out, Sherlock? Maybe What I know about Sara is that she've just called me five minutes ago crying outloud and saying she was going to quit the job she loves so much. And believe me, to make sara cry, it got to be very serious. So, be a darling and put me in a way that everyone in this commom room of yours can hear me, will you?Is everybody there?"
Something in that woman's voice told me that she could fill all the empty spaces. Told me that there was someone that knew the Sara Sidle that I myself was just beginning to discover. That woman also cared deeply for Sara, wathever their relationship was. So, I pressed the live voice buttom, and soon that powerful voice was thundering over us all.
" What the heck did you people do to my sister?I want to hear from you,cause I already got her side of the story. And by the way, Mr. Grissom…YOU DO NOT LEAVE SARA ALONE AFTER SHE POURS HER STORY INTO YOUR HANDS AND CRIES HERSERLF UNTIL SLEEP FROM PURE EXHAUSTION. Dude, you left her alone withou knowing half of everything! And Catherine? With all due respect, you are a blonde bitch if you are in some agreement with that evil bald spawn named here was I so happy thinking that Sara had finally found friends and a home."
TBC…
