Your name is JOHN STRIDER and you are currently trying to TUCK in your FUCKING CHILDREN.
Your son Dirk is trying to tell you how Strider's are nocturnal and how the only sleep in the day time. You and him argue for several minutes before your daughter Casey tells you both to "shut the fuck up". You will forever curse Dave for teaching her his outrageous vocabulary.

You sigh and tell Casey that the f word is a no no word, and she apologizes. Her big blue eyes are dramatically tearing up. You finish tucking Dirk in before you walk over to Casey's bed and play with her hair. She smiles and asks you if you can tell her a bed time story, so you tell her her favourite.
"Once upon a time, there was an Heir; and his Knight..."

Once you finish telling Casey her story both her and Dirk are fast asleep. You get up and shut off the lights, making sure Casey has a tight hold on Liv Tyler and that her knight-light(you call it that because the gear shape reminded you of Dave) is left on; before finally leaving their room.

You can hear Dave in the kitchen trying to make home made popcorn and that makes you laugh. You smell burning tin foil and tell him he's better off using the store made bags. He just glares at you and tells you that it isn't ironic enough. You will never understand the Strider-concept-of-I-R-O-N-Y.

By the time Dave is done the foil isn't the only thing thats burnt. The popcorn is practically un-edible at this point but you still swallow the burnt bits and tell him it tastes good, because you love him that much.

You're grabbing faygo out of the cabinet as Dave clicks on the TV and puts in Galaxy Wars because for once you two agreed on a movie, popping the cap on your diet RedPop and tossing Dave his Club Soda. He says he hates it but only drinks it because it's in a blue can. You know this because once you had bought bottles instead of cans and poured him a cup of it.

He nearly choked when he drank it and said that this shit was terrible. You were generally confused, telling him it was the same flavour he always drank. He looked at you like you were crazy before looking down at the red cup it was poured in.
"Hey John..?"
"Yes Dave?"
"You know what would make this taste better?"
"What?"
"A fucking blue can."

You smile at the memory, settling in between Dave's knees on the couch. Half way into the movie Dave is dosing off, and you make it a point to tell this to dirk. Egberts are the true night owls in this family. You snort at the thought and Dave comments on how much he loves that damn laugh.

You take his can from his hand and set it on the coffee table next to yours before pulling his shades off his face. He laughs at you and half heartedly tells you not to look at him because he's a freak. Instead you kiss both of his eyelids and smile down at him. He pouts at you but doesn't put them back on and that only makes you smile more.

Once the movie is really over you are feeling tired yourself, and Dave is just about out. Rather than venturing to your room you get a blanket from the small hall closet and trudge back to Dave with it wrapped around your shoulders. He pulls you into his arms and pets you for awhile until your eyelids flutter shut. He's rubbing little circles into your back and that only makes you more drowsy. He continues this until you've fallen asleep, before he picks you up princess-style and presses a kiss to your forehead. "I always told you you were the princess.." He whispers, slowly pushing open your bedroom door.

He lays you down on your side of the bed before crawling in next to you. Before you know it(and obviously you don't, you're unconcious afterall) he has his arms around you again, and it isn't long before his breathing becomes lighter and he's asleep.

In the morning Dave makes breakfast and it's even worse than the popcorn but you don't tell him that. Dirk doesn't hesitate to tell him it tastes like crap and Dave calls him an annoying little shit. Meanwhile lil' shit is flying around, enjoying his short time out of his cage. Muti is purring and rubbing at Casey's legs and she sneezes. You make a mental note to get her alergy medicine before work is over.

When Dave isn't looking you give Dirk and Casey a couple dollars and tell them to buy poptarts at school and they both give you a silent thanks. They stuff the money in their pockets before Dave is ready to walk them to their bus stop.

He kisses your cheek and tells you it's your turn to pick the kids up and then he's piling the kids in the car. You go into your room and as you put on your bake shop apron for work you're staring in the mirror.

Your name is JOHN STRIDER and you couldn't be any more FUCKING HAPPY with the way your life is RIGHT NOW.