Dsisclaimer: I sadly, do not own Criminal Minds; they belong to the wonderful creators of the show.

Spoilers: The Big Game and Revelations.

Need to know info: I have changed the ending of Revelations a bit, firstly, Tobias didn't die, he was just injured. Secondly, Tobias is currently in the same sanitarium as Reids' mother. And thirdly, Gideon is still a part of the team. It just makes everything work better for me.

Many thanks go to Kale-ness for beta-reading this. She found problems I didn't even knew where in there after the 3 times I proof-read it.

Chapter 1: Window Reflection Films


Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting – Alan Dean Foster "To the Vanishing Point"


As Reid sat at his designated desk in the bull pen he let his mind wander. His wondering slowly turned from work to his past. Ever since Tobias, his memories were getting the better of him.

Reid settled in his chair unconsciously, and a memory that is a vivid, painful and heart breaking as the day it happened. The memory of the day he sent his mother off to the sanitarium. Seeing his mother cry and begging him to not do this, was something that put a lump in his throat and tears well up every time. If only the people close to him really knew what he did. Would they accept him in the same way to currently do…did once?

The images of him mother being taken away were running through his head like an old slide projector. Each one was imprinted in his mind. Each one bringing him closer to insanity. The current image being shown was the last look Reid saw of his mother. The image of his mother being led away by two male orderlies from the sanitarium. The last longing, wistful, tear jerking heart breaking look over her shoulder at him with tears running down her face. As she was slowly turning away, it seemed frame by frame, suddenly Reid was ripped away from the mind and memories that had him scared.

"Spencer…Reid…" Came the melodic and ticked off voice of Jennifer "JJ" Jareau.

"Oops, sorry I was reading the paperwork I have to do for the last case" Reid said looking down at the open case file on his lap.

"Good try genius. You read faster than a photocopier. You haven't turned the page in over 10 minutes. You were thinking about… him weren't you?" JJ said, sneering when she had to mention the cause of many problems.

"No, I was thinking about my mom, wondering how she is doing, wondering what she is doing."

"Oh, well you are late for the meeting in the conference room. I chose a new case for you guys to go to. Come on."

Reid followed JJ out of the bullpen and into the conference room looking down at the ground with embarrassment when his team mates looked at him with confusion and one team member looked at him with sadness in his eyes. Reid walked to the other side of the room to where the windows were and sat down in the big comfortable chair, he could see the people walking on the grounds of the FBI head quarters in Quantico, Virginia.

JJ handed out case files to the team and then stood in front of the screen with the remote to it in her hand.

"Ok, now this case is big, and it's bad. I wasn't going to let us take it; I had another all set up, until this morning. The original case files I gave you all first thing when I got here are for another case. This one is more close to home."

JJ looked at Reid with a sorry look. Every person looked down at the sticky note on the file in front of them and then at Reid with a look of horror stamped on their faces.

"You have to be kidding me. How the hell did this happen?! How could he escape?! He was supposed to be under close and constant watch. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!!!" Came the response of the enraged Derek Morgan.

Computer whiz Penelope Garcia had tears rolling down her cheeks, JJ had tears in her eyes, Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner was looking at the file with a blank face, Jason Gideon was sitting in his chair with his hands folded together with an upset expression, clearly deep in thought, and Emily Prentiss was looking around the room at the other members with a shocked and upset look on her face.

Reid was sitting in his chair beside the window, with his forehead resting against the glass with no expression. Reid just sat there looking out the window. His memories slowly taking over him again. This time they were the memories of a different person, a person who he had encountered every time he closed his eyes. His face engraved into the backs of his eyelids. The smell of burning fish livers surrounded him, feeling the welts on his feet reform, the stinging in his veins, the blood pouring out of a cut on his temple.

The room was spinning. He needed out. Air was not entering his lungs. He needed it..no he didn't, he could fight it. The painful memories were attacking him from all sides.


That is the first chapter. I will try to get the next one out soon.