A/N: this is just a weird fic I wrote during math class. I was super bored so…there's not much to say, besides on with the show…err, story.
Peanut Butter
Roy Mustang was sitting in his desk signing paper when Riza Hawkeye walked in. "Roy, something is very wrong with Edward."
"Riza, I can assure you nothing is wrong with Ed." Roy said annoyed. Of course Riza would think something is wrong. There is always something wrong according to her, he doesn't do his paper work fast enough, Edward is in the hospital to much…Havocs smoking will put him in the hospital! The woman's such a worry wart.
"No sir, there is something wrong with Edward…really wrong. He has got an addiction."
"To drugs!"
"No sir."
"Alcohol?"
No sir, hes got an addiction to…P.B!"
"B.P? What the hell does that mean, is that slang for some sort of drug? What kind of drug is Elric doing!" Roy was mad. Not only would drugs screw Ed up, but it would also mean a crap load of paper work for him!
Just them Edward walked in. "Good morning Mustang, Hawkeye." He greeted them, nodding in there general direction.
"Edward," Riza said quietly "I know about your problem. I want to help you."
"Umm…okay. Should I know what you are talking about?"
"I'm talking about this." She pulled out some pictures of Ed's dorm. There were 3 cupboards full of peanut butter jars. There were empty peanut butter jars lying all around the room and jars of peanut butter all around the room.
Ed froze and looked towards Riza."I'll never give it up! Its my life." He ran for the door only to be stopped by Riza.
"Oh Edward…" she called in a sing song voice. "You wouldn't leave this behind would you?"
"You monster." Ed ran for the peanut butter and tried to grab it. He started to fight Riza and soon she was loosing.
"Edward, I just want to help you!"
But Ed just won't give up. He finally got the jar and he huddled with it in the corner. Roy just sat there, confused.
"Umm…would you like to tell me what the hell is going on!" he yelled. Ed flinched in the corner and hugged he jar tighter, was he…was he talking to it?
Edward started to eat the peanut butter…fast. Riza saw this.
"Major Armstrong, NOW!" Riza yelled. Armstrong ran into the room. He was wearing a brown speedo and was covered in a thick layer of peanut butter. Edward took one look at him froze.
"Young Elric, let me help you with your addiction by letting you look at my muscles! Look at my perfectly sculpted form passed down the Armstrong family line for generations!" Edward immediately threw up piles of peanut butter. He took one look at the jar and threw it far, far away.
Thanks to Major Armstrong, Edward has gotten over his addiction It is now a phobia.
