Lincoln the President

Chapter 1: Fuck the Police

Okay, so I'm doing this. If you haven't read Lisa's Revenge, this will make

no sense to you. Read that first.

After Lisa got grounded for the rest of her life, Lynn Sr. and Rita decided to

take the Louds besides Lisa to Nazi Germany for their next trip. But it really

wasn't a family trip. The slaves that Lynn Sr. had in the underground

plantation had harvested enough weed for him to ship off to Germany.

Also, it's Nazi Germany because Hitler used the bunker to take over

Germany for the Nazis. Anyway, they were driving to the airport when

some cops came by. Since Lynn Sr. and Rita were sick of the kids' fighting

while in the car and on planes, they tied them up in ropes and duct taped

their mouths shut for the whole trip. They were stashed in the back. The

seats in the actual van were used to hold briefcases full of weed. To

anybody just passing by, it looked like some sort of kidnapping. "Well, well.

Lynn Loud, Sr. I knew that you would have turned up some sort of crime.

Now I have to add kidnapping to that 10-page list of crimes you

committed." said the cop. "Nigga, not this time! The kids were loud as shit

so we tied them up! I ain't doing shit this time!" said Lynn Sr. "Then why do

you have stacks of briefcases in each seat?" said the cop. "We're driving

to an airport so we can get to Germany." said Rita. "Seems legit." said the

cop. He drove away on his awesome motorcycle. When they got into the

airport, Lynn Sr. got on top of the plane and hot glued the sisters onto the

top. He untied and took off the tape from Lincoln. "Why aren't you gluing

Lincoln to the top?" said Rita. "Bitch, please! Lincoln is a fellow nigga! He's

also a guy, and nobody needs women, right?" said Lynn Sr. "You sexist

piece of shit!" said Rita. "Shut the fuck up, bitch! You're MY whore! Hoe, get

me some Mcdonalds, bitch!" said Lynn Sr. as he slapped Rita. Rita went to

Mcdonalds. "Dad, what the fuck, nigga!? You just beat Mom! I can't fucking

believe you're such a selfish hypocritical prick!" said Lincoln. Lynn Sr. then

slapped Lincoln in the face and kicked him in the nuts. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!

BE A FUCKING MAN! I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE I'M THE FUCKING DAD OF

SUCH A WIMPY SACK OF SHIT! FUCK OFF! AND BESIDES, I'M THE FUCKING

AUTHORITY AROUND HERE, YOU FUCKING JEW NIGGER!" said Lynn Sr.

People around them started calling the cops because of child abuse. Then

Rita came back with an Egg Mcmuffin because it was 9:00 am. Then

Lynn Sr. got his cases full of weed and went on the plane. When he was

strip searched, nobody found any traces of weed on him. And they didn't

open the cases because they were combination locked. On the plane,

Lynn Sr. saw what Lincoln was watching because he was sitting behind

him. "Nigga, are you watching porn? Gimme dat phone!" said Lynn Sr. "Fuck

off, you sack of fucking shit!" said Lincoln. Lynn Sr. got out of his seat and

beat Lincoln and stole his porn. Then he saw that Lincoln had texts from

pornstars asking for sex. "Nigga! Dang, yo! You're lucky as shit! I can't

even find a good girl to cheat on your mother with!" said Lynn Sr. "DAD!

GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" said Lincoln. "LINCOLN! There's a text

to Lori on here. It says 'Baby wanna sleep with me? I'm real hard right

now. Try to be quiet, I don't want Dad to find out.' And then Lori says

'Sure Lincoln. Let's do it on your bed so Leni doesn't hear it.' You fucking

asshole! You had sex with your fucking sister!" said Lynn Sr. "Nigger! Shut

your ass up! I didn't just have sex with Lori, I had sex with all of them, but

not Lily. That's fucking gross. Also, you're a fucking hypocrite! You just

raped Lori when she beat Lola! It's even fucking WRONGER when you did

it because Lori's a minor and it was rape! At least Lori gave consent and

we're both kids, nigga! So it's okay to rape your daughter but not okay to

have sex with your sister!? Fucking asshole!" said Lincoln. Lynn Sr. then

went over and beat Lincoln on his ass. He whipped him in the nuts and

slapped him in the face. Then plane security shot him in the leg and

dragged him to the back. Lincoln went back to his seat. He took out some

weed and lit it up and then smoked it. "Smoke weed everyday." said

Lincoln. Then he pulled up some more porn and started masturbating.

Everybody around him threw up because he didn't even make an effort to

hide the fact that he was fapping so everybody got to see Lincoln stroke

his throbbing dick. "Lincoln, stop that racket! I don't know what you're

doing, but knock it off! There's a reason we glued your sisters to the roof!"

said Rita. Lincoln kept fapping, just silently. When he came, he pulled his

pants up. Then gunshots were heard and the plane suddenly went in a

new direction. A masked guy was seen pointing a gun at the pilot's head.

"This plane has been hijacked. We're gonna fly it into the White House to

kill the president. We're gonna avenge our homie Osama bin Laden and

overthrow the American government, starting World War III. None of you

niggers move." said the terrorist. Lincoln got an awesome idea. He would

climb out and into the roof and save his sisters, and then when they were

close enough to the White House, they would jump out and tell Trump of

the terrorist threat, giving him and the others just enough time to escape.

So when the terrorists weren't looking, Lincoln went out of the emergency

exit and jumped onto the roof. He untied his sisters and got them into the

plane. Then when they were close to the White House, they jumped out of

the plane and landed in some trees. Then Lincoln got another idea. A really

awesome one. "I don't have to fucking save Trump! I can get him killed by

the plane and then without a president, I'll be the fucking president! In

this time of crisis, I will make the country awesome! I will make America

great again. And when those niggers bow down to my awesomeness,

I WILL CLEANSE THE COUNTRY OF ALL JEWS! AND WHEN! AND WHEN

THE WORLD BELONGS TO ME! I WILL PURGE THE ENTIRE WORLD OF ALL

ITS IMPURITIES! No more Jews! No more blacks! No more fags! No

more Mexicans! I'll make almost everything illegal for women except for

sex, and then! AND THEN! I'LL! RULE! THE! UNIVERSE! YES!

AND THEN! I! WILL! BE! GOD!" said Lincoln.

To Be Continued.