Cast: Firestar (F); Onestar (O); Blackstar (B); Leopardstar (L)

Yes, I know Leopardstar is… spoiler… dead, but I love her. Actually, I sorta hate her in one book… but all the rest, she's great! Plus, she makes one hell of a perfect character for what this is! XD

Anyways, I hope you enjoy. Now, to get to the disclaimers:

Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors (Warrior Cats). This is Erin Hunter's job. If I owned Warriors, I wouldn't be spending my days writing fanfiction crap. I would be writing the real deal.

I got the idea from FLOB. Thank you Enyo14, author of FLOB, for the idea. I'll try not to copy you too much! If I do, I apologize. I am in a writer's block at the moment and am hoping this will get me out of it. Anyways, enough BOLD script indicating Comments on the following Chapter; let us begin:

[Setting: 'Posh' studio with crimson carpet, four director's chairs each with a leader in it. They are all sipping tea.]

O: Hello. Welcome to our new web show. We haven't decided on a name yet-

F: I still say 'Torment of Firestar'.

O: -but we should come to a decision, soon.

F: Torment of Firestar!

O: Shut up, Firestar, and I'll try not to wage another war with your Clan.

F: Like you could manage it with most of the she-cats in the nursery and Crowfeather too busy sending more in! The only one not in the nursery is Nightpelt!

O: Crowfeather develops the Clan. He is a large donator of new warriors to WindClan and is held in the highest regard.

F: Then, why isn't he leader or deputy?

O: …

F: Exactly.

[Leopardstar sips tea]

L: Let's begin. I would like to bring in a very special guest for the first night. Welcome to the show…

[Dramatic music, compliments of Blackstar]

L: … BRAMBLECLAW!

[Brambleclaw slowly walks in]

Brambleclaw: Thanks for having me!

B: Just sit down, Brambleclaw, and no one gets hurt.

Brambleclaw: I feel so loved.

L: Aw, Brambleclaw, sweetie, I love you.

O: Typical. ThunderClan and RiverClan. How many times, exactly, has this happened?

L: Oh, sweetie, I still have enough room in my den. We can all crawl into my nest. Firestar, you can come, too.

F: No, thanks. I'm devoted to Sandstorm and only Sandstorm.

O: Sure, you are. And, I won't be joining you, either. I'm busy doing better things… like sleep.

L: I guess it's just you, Brambleclaw.

Brambleclaw: Nah, I think I'll pass. I prefer a mate without ten chins.

B: What about me? I'm single and horny.

L: And?

[silence]

F: Y'know, Blackstar, I'm sure I could hook you up with a single I know.

B: Really? *mouth begins to water* Who?

F: *snickers* Your mom!

[more silence]

B: My mother was a strict Christian who only became involved in coitus for pure reproductive purposes. She died in childbirth. Her last words were: *in raspy voice* 'To StarClan, I go. I hope to never see these children again, so they may live forever in the Forest'. *wipes tear from eye*

F: …

L: …

O: …

F: …

O: …

L: …

F: Well, I guess we already shattered her dreams. We're out of the Old Forest. This is the Lake, grandma! Get with the times!

[Leopardstar bitch-slaps Firestar]

L: How dare you! You, you, you fiend! Blacky over here just spilled out his heart for us and you jab it with a sharp sti- okay,no, that sound too much like a good thing. Carry on, sweetie.

O: …

F: …

B: …

L: … What?

O&F&B? Nuthin'!

L: Okay.

Brambleclaw: Um… this is sorta awkward, but I gotta pee. I stole some of Leopardstar's tea and-

F: And she puts drugs in her's to keep her alive, you idiot. I swear, I'm surrounded by dumbasses!

L: Isn't this supposed to be rated PG?

O: Yes. Yes, it is.

B: Then, I suppose while I dismiss Brambleclaw to the loo-

F: Since when were you British?

B: -we shall say our special Parental Broadcast.

L: Remember: Never drink alcohol. It is unhealthy for you and can cause…

F: Diabetes?

L: No.

O: STDs?

L: You're only thinking of Crowfeather. No.

B: Death?

L: YES! Alcohol can cause death.

O: Just take poor old Tallstar, for example. He was a kind, old goat. Everyone loved him.

F: *cough* Except Mudclaw *cough*

O: He got drunk, one night while on The Great Journey. He collapsed on the spot.

B: Yes, and he was so-

F: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP

B: *glares* -drunk that he actually made Onestar deputy at the last minute. He became the Onestar we know and l-l-l-l-looo-loooo-

L: Love?

B: That's the word! L-l-lo-loooo- The 'L' word! He became the Onestar we know and 'L' word today.

O: I'm flattered. Maybe you can climb into my nest tonight.

B: *lunge*

O: Ackkk! *dies*

[Brambleclaw walks back in]

Brambleclaw: I'm back from the- WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED, HERE!

B: Um…..

[camera shuts off]

Does Onestar survive? If so, does Blackstar end up in his nest? Does Firestar get over his dumbass-issue? Will Leopardstar ever get over her drug addiction? Will Brambleclaw have to pee, again? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!

Apologies. It's a little boring this chapter and next. I'm, again, in a writer's block. Stick with me.