Chapter one:

Spencer could hear the muffled voices of his teammates through the bathroom door he was hiding behind. JJ was informing Derek that she'd just seen Spencer in the breakroom getting coffee, and advising him to behave himself, to which he replied

"Do I ever behave myself?"

Their latest prank war had been in full swing the past few weeks and while Spencer was searching the fridge for coffee creamer he had an impromptu idea that was sure to have Derek waiving his white flag, or so he hoped. He heard the familiar jingle of JJ's laugh fading down the hall, and the clunk of Derek's size 13s getting closer to him. Spencer had a moment of panic and ran to stand by the sink so he could pretend to wash his hands if Derek popped in here looking for him. He waited a few seconds and sighed with relief as he heard the breakroom door slam shut which meant Derek had turned around. Now was his chance, so he quickly sprayed a gigantic heap of cool whip onto his left hand and quietly crept out of the bathroom door.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Spencer screamed as he charged at Derek and jumped onto his back sending both Derek's massive body and his gangly one toppling to the floor with a loud thud. On the way down he'd managed to smack the left side of D's face with his fist full of whipped cream. Mission Accomplished. Derek threw Spencer's long legs off his back, rolled over and stood up while flinging the sticky fluff from his face.

"You did not just fucking tackle me, Pretty Boy. You are gonna pay so hard."

Spencer was lying on his back, knees in the air laughing so hard he thought his ribs would break.

"I couldn't resist. It was just too perfect." Spencer cackled in between fits of hilarity.

Derek's face flashed with disapproval, but quickly turned into confusion "Oh shit kid, you're bleeding."

Spencer sat up and immediately felt the searing pain of a fresh cut somewhere on his forehead. It hurt so bad it made his eyes water and blood began pouring down his face like rain, soaking into his white button down.

"Ah, how the hell? This hurts like a bitch." He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and began mopping blood from his brow.

"I think you may have smacked it on that door knob on our way down. That is definitely going to need stitches, bro." Derek gestured to Spencer's face and grimaced.

"You know, the head is the most capillary rich area on the human body, which means it bleeds a lot more superficially than other wounds. I'm sure it's just a small cut." Spencer added and stood quickly. Vertigo hit him like a ton of bricks and he wobbled like a buoy. Derek reached out to steady him, and said

"Now tell me again how it's just a small cut. It's a huge gash, and you probably have a concussion."

Spencer relented, and he propped against the wall trying to breathe through a small bout of nausea while D went to tell Penny they were making a trip to the ER. Spencer heard the patter of moving feet when he spotted Garcia power walking towards him in a hot pink dress and acid green pumps; eyes wide and slack jawed. Her expression made him wonder just how bad this cut was and he thought Awesome, obviously I'm going to look like Frankenstein.

"Holy Mackerel, D wasn't lying about that cut." Garcia peeped.

"I'll go tell Hotch where you guys are going. Don't worry, I'll leave out the unsavory details to have your asses, and I've got to say, you won this one. D will be cleaning whipped cream out of his ear for a week." She winked at him and strutted down the hall like it was a runway.