Author's note: written for the Prompt Table activity on the Paint It Red Forum - prompt: "One step forwards, two steps back"

(episode tag to 1x23 - "Red John's Footsteps")


One step forwards, two steps back

"Can't you see there's people who care about you? Who need you? You're being selfish and childish and I want you to stop it."

"I wish that I could, but, you know, some things you just can't fix."

Those words played on his mind again and again as he idly watched the police bustling around.

He couldn't stop. He just couldn't.

A small part of him felt sorry for the people who actually cared about him.

His colleagues – his friends.

Lisbon was on top of that list, of course. A pity that she still refused to acknowledge she couldn't fix this.

Couldn't fix him.

He was too broken for that. The shadow of a man – who only kept on breathing in order to get his revenge.

They'd been so close this time. Red John was there. If only Lisbon could have helped stepping in to save him…

He didn't deserve to be saved. Didn't give a damn for his own miserable life.

Achieving his goal was well worth dying for.

Yeah, they still had Hardy. Maybe, just maybe, they were going to get something out of him.

Somehow he found it hard to believe though.

His eyes strayed to where the man was lying. As he caught a sudden, unexpected movement his brain reacted of its own accord.

He grabbed the nearest gun and fired without a second thought.

As he saw Hardy collapsing to the ground he just panicked – throwing the gun as far away from him as possible.

No. The only link that might have led him to Red John couldn't slip through his fingers like that.

He desperately pressed his hand on the man's wound – no matter if he knew there was nothing he could do about that.

Hardy mocked him one last time before his body went limp all of a sudden.

That's how things were always going. Every time he thought he was stepping closer to his nemesis, he found himself back to where he'd started. Or even farther away than that – were this possible.

Well, Lisbon was still alive at the very least. He simply wouldn't have had it any other way.

Jane wondered for a moment when – and how – his revenge had taken a backseat to the woman's safety.

He couldn't tell whether he was fine with this unexpected turn of things or not. He just had a feeling he wouldn't be able to do anything about it either way…