Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters or storyline affiliated with the anime or the manga. Also I do not own the song "Pretty on the Outside" by Bullet for my Valentine. All rights are reserved for their creators.
oOo
Pretty on the Outside
So you wanna play
Games with my head
But you make me fall apart
And wish that I was dead
I can't believe I fell
For such a blackened heart
You played me for a fool
And used me from the start
Tears.
That's all Kagome could manage as she thought back to all the times that Inuyasha ever went to Kikyo only to return to her side when the dead one no longer needed him. She thought about all the times that he said he would protect her, be there for her when she could not defend herself, but what of the times when Kikyo was near? He was never there for her then, always leaving her alone in her misery as she waited for his return, ever fearful of the demons that lurked in the dark of the forests surrounding their camp. She had others with her and knew that they'd be there for her, had always been there for her, but they weren't Inuyasha, not the one that mattered the most.
Kagome hated herself for letting herself fall for Inuyasha knowing that his heart was so full of indecision, but every time she would back away he would do something that would make her want to again be by his side. She knew she was a fool for believing that he could ever see her as anything other than his 'shard detector'…never anything more as long as Kikyo still walked the world of the living.
I've been such a fool for believing in him. Every time that he leaves to see Kikyo I fall apart inside, trying hard so the others won't see, but they know. It makes me wish that I was dead, gone so that I couldn't feel this pain. Inuyasha…
I just want to know the truth
But the words from your mouth
They just cloud, all the negativity
Forces me down into (silence)
But still I can dream
Kagome felt her heart constrict with pain as she remembered all the words of negativity that fell from Inuyasha's mouth, all the words that he used to compare her to the dead priestess, and all she really wanted to know was whether or not he really felt that way. Did he really think that Kikyo was better than she was, that she lacked the spiritual powers that she had? Did he really think that her scent was worse than the clay and dirt priestess that was his past love?
Choking on a sob, she fought hard to silence the cries that wanted to dominate and give away the turmoil in her heart. She didn't want the others to see the pain that she forced herself to endure time and time again for someone who couldn't let go of the past to see just what his future could hold.
Inuyasha I don't want to believe the things you say. I don't want to believe that Kikyo means more to you, that you'd rather it be her here with you than me. I don't know if you even understand that my silence is brought on by the words that you tell me, the hateful, hurtful things that you say break me. I don't know if I'll ever mean more to you then Kikyo, but I can always dream.
I wanna know, I wanna know
I just want to know if you will ever see me for me, as Kagome, not as Kikyo's reincarnation. I want to know whether you would have ever loved me had Kikyo not been brought back.
Too many thoughts swirled in Kagome's head, but she couldn't stop the flow of them. She couldn't stop herself from dwelling on the things that bothered her most, the thoughts that repeatedly haunted her. But still…
I want to know…
If I tear you open wide
Take a look inside
Are you pretty
Can I get inside you mind
See what I can find
Are you pretty
Kagome wished that she could see into Inuyasha's heart, inside his mind, only wanting to see whether or not she resided there at all. She wanted to be the one that he held closest to him, thought about all the time, but she knew without a doubt that she was not.
Anger boiled just beneath her heartache, pushing away the pain that Inuyasha had caused all this time. It boiled past it all and for a moment Kagome wanted to scream out, lash out at him for making her feel this way. She wanted to show him just how wrong about her he was, prove to him that she was better than Kikyo, but he would never listen, never understand and wouldn't even care.
I finally know now that if I were to look into your heart it wouldn't ever be me that you love, that you want to protect. I know that if I saw your thoughts I wouldn't be reflected in them, only Kikyo…Kikyo Kikyo Kikyo. I can't ever be her Inuyasha. I may be her reincarnation, but I'm not her. I'm only me…Kagome. I finally understand what I let myself become clouded to so…
So just take off that disguise
Everyone knows that you're only
Pretty on the outside
oOo
Okay that didn't quite turn out like I wanted it too, but it did turn out better than I thought it would. Anyway I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a review or a flame, either way let me know what you thought about it.
