Feeling angsty, I tend to vent using Sirius Black, with longer stories, he always ends up being a total twat (which is pretty close to me), but this came out after writing a poem/rant/thing for my girlfriend for Valentines Day (who is too sexy to be Remus Lupin to my Sirius Black, no matter how sexy Lupin may be, she will always be WAY sexier...) So, I, feeling angsty, wrote a poem/rant/thing for Remus from Sirius, ending in what I think is probably THE moment. When you're doing something totally different, and you suddenly realize that your not who you thought you were. For me, it was when I realized I was gay, and so Siri gets angst too!!! YAY!!!

For Violet, love you.

I own nothing!!!

I love your smile, I love it love it love it.

Not the smile you smile most of the time, but the smile you smile when you're really, truly happy. The smile you have when you find the perfect book that you were looking for, but didn't think the library would actually have. Or the smile when you discover that YES you do still have a pack of cigarettes, and those ARE two unopened chocolate bars, but you don't show that smile to just anyone. No, I had to earn that smile. I expect the world to do the same.

No, I love you smile, but I think I love your laugh better.

You don't laugh much, not when you actually think something is funny. But when something really makes you laugh, you let out this girly little giggle and your stomach shakes, and your gold eyes water just a bit.

Merlins, I'm so stupid, your EYES. I ADORE YOUR EYES! More than anything else.

I know you hate your eyes, you always talk about your eyes BEFORE the change (celery green, right?) but maybe you don't realize the effect your eyes have on me. They're these lovely golden orbs, that sparkle like you're on the verge of tears, but they only sparkle more when you're happy.

Merlin! I LOVE YOUR EYES!! I think I won't be happy until you let me live my life lost in them.

Or maybe it's you. That I love.

But that's ridiculous. I'm not a—I mean, I'm not—I couldn't be—

But I do love you! Really, L-O-V-E -love you.

Or maybe it's not love, but I think it is. Isn't love that feeling when you feel like part of you is missing when the other person's gone? Or when you know it means nothing, but you secretly hate that they would talk to anyone else? Or when you take pride in their accomplishments?

Isn't that it? Isn't that what love is?

Isn't that feeling like you're going to die when you see them kiss someone else and you know you'll have to smile and be happy for them because at least they're happy, even if it's not with you?

I love how smart you are, but I'm not sure if you even know what love is. But maybe you know, my wanting to kill your girlfriend (sh, she doesn't need to know that), or my obsession with you, does that make me in love with you?

But, I-I couldn't be. I'm not ga—

Am I?

... shit…