I was going through some of my old documents on my computer, and I found this. I wrote these years ago, and I figured "what the heck? Let's post 'em." So, for a bit of fun, here you go. What do you think?


Twenty-Five Things You Should Not Do when Partnered with James West and Artemus Gordon

1. Get on James West's bad side. You will regret it.

2. Get on Artemus Gordon's bad side, because then you will probably end up on Jim's bad side (see rule #1).

3. Ask Jim how many girl's he's managed to land in the last week and/or day

4. Then ask what happened to the other girls he's been with.

5. Ask him all of this in front of the girl he is currently with.

6. Ask Artie if he's gotten the girl yet or if he's going to propose to Lily Fortune again.

7. Play "mad scientist" with Artie's chemicals.

8. Go around touching and inspecting everything on the train. You could get killed.

9. Use Artie's makeup and costumes without permission.

10. Tell Artie he's a lousy actor.

11. Ask Artie if his Great-Aunt Maude actually said that and/or if he even has a Great-Aunt Maude.

12. Use the secret entrance behind the fireplace for anything other than an emergency.

13. Tell people the Wanderer is yours.

14. Take the train on joyrides… and not telling Jim and Artie before doing so.

15. "Borrow" a gadget without asking permission or what it does first.

16. Ask either agent if he's going to go "rogue" again anytime soon (so you can "plan accordingly").

17. Use the telegraphy machine for anything other than official messages.

18. Call Dr. Loveless short. You may not live long enough to regret it.

19. Make fun of Dr. Loveless in front of him in any way, shape, or form (ignore rule if making fun of him might actually help).

20. Do anything to screw up diplomatic and/or official events, relations, or functions. You will have to fix it.

21. Hide the coffee.

22. Try and ride Jim's horse.

23. Blow Artie's cover while on a mission.

24. Blow Jim's cover while on a mission.

25. Blow your cover while on a mission.