Love Love Love
Bright blue eyes gaze adoringly.
"You know I'd do anything for you," she whispers.
Swallow.
Get off the bed.
Put clothes back on.
Fix wild sex hair.
Glance back at her.
Bright blue eyes that are now melancholy.
That have seen this routine happen again and again.
"Stay this time, San."
She pleads, yet she already knows the answer.
Shake head.
Leave with that last glimpse of her.
Disheveled hair, body kissed clean, bright blue eyes stained with love.
Again.
Well, maybe I'm a crook for stealing your heart away
And maybe I'm a crook for not caring for it
Heart beats fast.
Again.
Why, again?
Can't stay away.
Can't stay away from those bright blue eyes, that cheerful smile, those blonde locks.
Just can't.
But manage to leave every time.
Her disappointed face tugging at heartstrings.
Yet, footsteps lead to an escape route every time.
Always.
Each step breaking her heart.
Again and again.
Yeah, maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad person
Well, baby, I know
At school.
Eyes trained on a certain red and white uniform.
Look away when she sees.
Sit next to her in Chemistry.
Laugh when she does something cute.
Like wrinkle her nose.
Or scrunch her eyebrows together.
Or bite her lip.
Or play with her hair.
Or look up, startled, when she's called on.
Or a combination.
Go to hold her hand, but stop.
Can't.
Not here.
Not ever.
Settle on pinkies.
The best thing she'll ever get.
And these fingertips
will never run through your skin
In Glee, sing.
Hidden desires spilling out.
Shaky breaths.
Those bright blue eyes.
Expecting something.
Open mouth.
On the edge of feeling.
Of falling.
Step back.
Disguise the moment with bitter, snarky retorts.
Refuse to feel.
Can't feel.
Those bright blue eyes can only meet mine across the room
filled with people that are less important than you
Give her a ride home.
Smile as she plays with dark hair, tickles caramel skin.
Breathe in her love.
As she gets out of the car, a kiss on the cheek.
A murmur.
"I love you."
Bright blue eyes.
Waiting.
Again.
Smile sadly.
Closed door.
Unsaid words hang.
Unspoken on tongue.
Again.
'cause you love, love, love
when you know I can't love
Abuela's disgust when she sees Kurt at performances.
"It's a sin, Santanita."
A sin.
Nod in agreement.
Of course, Abuela.
You love, love, love
When you know I can't love
Those trusting, bright blue eyes.
Those lips.
Capture her lips.
Heated. Crazed. Longing.
Regret it later.
As her hopeful eyes ask a question.
And the answer is always negative.
You love, love, love
When you know I can't love you
One night, it's too much.
Rush over to her house.
Run into her room.
Shove her onto her back.
Attack with bruising lips.
Silence her queries.
So I think it's best
we both forget
before we dwell on it
Break down.
Collapse.
Wracking sobs.
Enveloped by arms.
Hesitant at first.
But soon strong.
An anchor.
The way you held me so tight
all through the night
'til it was near morning
Wake up.
Try to move.
Can't.
Her arms are the world.
The only one worth living in.
But, with tear-stained cheeks, slip away.
Again.
Sorry.
'cause you love, love, love
Shame.
Arrive home.
Guilt.
Look at phone.
Select her in Favorites.
Hang up.
Sorry.
When you know I can't love
Squeeze eyes shut.
Can't take it.
Hit the floor.
Crumple.
Lay there a while.
Her face flooding in.
Those bright blue eyes.
Clouding vision.
You love, love, love
See her later at school.
She's not angry.
Just sad.
"Why'd you leave?"
Doesn't she know by now?
Turn to leave.
"I love you. Still."
Walk away.
Again.
When you know I can't love
Stare at the ceiling of her bedroom.
Clothes off.
As always.
How does it always end up like this?
You love, love, love
"Please, San… Just once… Stay."
Broken voice.
Broken blue eyes.
Broken heart.
Do what is always done.
Even when it's poisoning her.
Leave.
When you know I can't love you
A/N: Okay, so I know I've been gone a while and I feel really bad about the A&D fic, but this idea came to me when I heard this song, Love Love Love by Of Monsters and Men (which I don't own by the way, or Glee in any way ^^). (Their album My Head Is an Animal is terrific just saying; I highly recommend checking it out.) I was listening to the lyrics and the song and the idea for a Brittana fic hit me in the gut. I hope you all enjoyed, and my non-usage of personal pronouns worked in a good way, instead of being disastrous… Anyway, reviews are welcome! :)
-L
