This is kinda of based/in memory of two friends of mine, that sadly died this year, and Yeah. I had this idea listenning to "One sweety day" by Mariah Carey feat. Boyz II Men, and it just fits in. I hope you like it. :)
"I'm so sorry Blaine" Someone said to me putting their hand on my shoulder. I'm not sure of who, I just know someone did it, but honestly, I didn't care. I was there just because of Kurt, not because of them, all I wanted at that moment was to everyone to get away from me and shut their damn mouths, but it seemed that they could hear my thoughts, and was doing that just to piss me off. They started to talk louder, laught louder, be happy louder.
I didn't want to be there today, I wanted to be at my house, locked at my room, with all curtains closed, and just be alone. Put the loudest and weirdest song that I've on my phone, and just lay down and wait till Kurt come and check on me because I'm acting a bit 'unusual', but that wouldn't happen nevermore, because he is gone, alone in a cold and damp coffin, beneath feets and feets under the ground, I thought while an old lady, that I've never seen, was talking about how loved and missed Kurt was and will be. How groundbreaking!
I was looking from person to person, most of them when I gave them eye contact, showed me just a small respectful smile, but then the other half, in my mind at least, felt uncomfortable and tried as hard as they could to look at anywhere but me.
People were talking, people were praying, they were saying that they were sorry, but I didn't want to hear that, I wanted Kurt back, not a bunch of people telling lies about him and repeating it all over again, I just wanted to get away from there.
I looked at my feet and saw a big rock, it was all grey with a twisted and disformed form. I started to throw between my feets, making my own game to dont let the rock go three feets away from me, and I could only touch it twice or I lost the game, trying as hard to let my mind blank, without a single thought..
"Blaine" My mom said touching my arm, what made me jump. "Are you ready?"
I looked to her face, then around. The group that was standing just a minute ago around Kurt's grave, vanished.
"Whe-Where's everybody?" I asked looking to the grass.
"They went home sweety." She told me, still holding my arm. "You were standing here and we thought, well we decided that was better to leave you a bit alone with… him"
"Kurt" I whispered.
"What?" She mumbled really softly.
"His name is Kurt." I said angry, getting away from her touch. "Not a pronoun! He is a person, alright" I said.
"It's okay."
"No." I screamed threwing my arms to the air. "It's not fucking okay. None of this."
She looked at me like she was about to say something, but she let it go.
After awhile of silence beetween us, and the cold air that was coming from the wind currents, my mom started to speak again. "Are you ready to go?" to which I just replied 'Just give me a minute'.
She stood next to me for a few seconds then nodded and left to the car. I took from my pocked a little container that I stole from the lab class.
I knelt in the grass, and took a bit of the mud on the recipient. I sat there and just stared at Kurt's gravestone. It was written: "A beloved son, a fantastic friend, and a fabulous human being. MAY - 1993 / AUG - 2013"
I gave a histerical laugh, I felt my eyes watering, what was followed by a river of tears, so many tears, it was making me choke.
I hugged my knees, and started to shake back and forth. I mumbled his name, yelled, beat my own self. I wanted to stop crying, I wanted to stop feeling this miserable, I just wanted to feel okay again. I wanted Kurt back, I wanted him to fix me up.
I closed my eyes as hard as I could and stood there, I put my both hands on my ears in an unsuccessful attempt to make my thoughts stop.
"AAAARRRGHGHHHHHHHAAAAHHGHH" I screamed, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "LEAVE ME ALONE" I yelled back as I tried to go away from the person's hand as fast as possible, but I end up stumbling and falling. I started to craw, but I felt two big arms trapping my stomach, and grabbing me from the ground. I tried to fight back, but I end up falling back to my conscious. I looked around and stared at the big security guard, and then back to my clothes. I nodded to him, as I was saying that I was okay, but he kept holding me.
"leave me alone" I cried out loud.
"Its alright" I heard another voice that made the security guard drop me, it was my mom. "I got him."
The guard mumbled something to mom, then left. She came close to me and straightened my hair. "Are you ready?"
I thought about telling her, but I was tired and didnt want to talk anymore, so i gave a half smile and put my hands on my jacket's pocket.
"Lets go" She told me, walking side by side to the car, where we stood in silence the whole trip home.
We arrived home at eight o'clock, Mom asked if I wanted to eat but I just went straight to my room and locked myself up. I put my pillow in my face, and screamed as loud as I could. I put all my frustration out. When I put the pillow down, I saw that it was stained with my tears, and I became aware that I had cried again.
I looked for my phone, put my headphones full blast, and listened till I fell asleep.
