I thank anyone who had the guts to press the link that brought you here, I hope you don't regret it too much. This is my first Baka to test fanfic and I hope you'll enjoy it. So, if you heed to my warnings, I suggest that you immediately press that back button on the upper corner of your screen. If you don't you will be free to do so once you realize how crappy the following words are. So please, leave anytime you want. That's all.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, kk?


"Shouko."

"…"

'Oi, Shouko, are you listening to me."

"…"

"Shouko, I want to propose to you."

"Yes, Yuuji."

"To think that you would react only when I say the word "Propose". What have I gotten myself into?"

"What did you need me for, Yuuji?"

"Oh, right. I bought the ice cream. Here."

"Thank you, Yuuji."

"What were you daydreaming about this time?"

"Our future together…"

"Not this again…"

"Our kids happily playing around the estate… the family dog enjoying the shade of the large Sakura tree…"

"…And the tied up Yuuji. I'm telling that there shall be no happiness in that family."

"…Yuuji, looking so handsome in his suit, kissing me as he leaves for work."

"What? I'm not in chains for once. What an improvement. I've changed my mind. That family shall be blessed with fortune. Except it'll never happen."

"Shoyuu, daddy says he doesn't want to live with you… he's so cold hearted."

"I told you to stop using that name! And don't pat your stomach."

"Kousho, daddy says he doesn't want to…"

"The name isn't the problem here!"

"?"

"Don't give me that "What are you talking about?" look. You're the one that's making this conversation confusing."

"That's because Yuuji's modern language mark is so low…"

"My marks have nothing to do with this."

"So Yuuji is lacking common sense?"

"Why are you trying to blame the weirdness of this conversation to me."

"That's because Yuuji lacks awareness as a husband."

"That has nothing to do with anything. You just plain aren't listening to me!"

"Ok then should we sit down and clarify a few things."

"Wow. You actually made a good suggestion for once. You're right, we need to talk."

"So… I want 38 children."

"I should have known! Where did a number of children come into the equation?

"Weren't we arguing over the number of children we were going to have?"

"No. Have you even been listening to me? We're talking about something more realistic."

"Where our honeymoon should be?"

"No, it's about your admittance to the nearest hospital immediately."

"Yuuji, I'm so happy."

"And this woman here thinks she's being admitted into a Gynecology Hospital."

"We should take the kids to Kisaragi Highland."

"But these kids don't exist."

"But your kiss made me pregnant."

"$%^&*()&^%$#"

"Yuuji, such foul language in front of the kids."

"But there aren't… oh nevermind. Nothing I say to you will get through your thick skull."

"…"

"…"

"Yuuji, I have a question…"

"Shoot. I've nothing left to lose."

"Why did you suddenly want to come to the park…"

"Uh… You know."

"…"

"It's a rare rest day and it would be such a pity to stay indoors, no matter how big your house is."

"It's your house as well, Yuuji."

"No it isn't. The only times I enter that house is when you drag me in!"

"Yuuji, you promised me that we would live together…"

"I know, I know."

"And today is a rest day. No one is at home and we have the day to ourselves."

"I don't like where this is going…"

"So we should take this opportunity to take our relationship to the next level."

"No! Nuh-uh. No way."

"Yuuji…"

"Wait, Shouko. Drop the stun gun and listen."

"Yes…"

"Look around. No one would stay indoors on a rest day. Everyone is outside and enjoying the fresh air. I can bet that no one is in their homes today."

"Really. Then if there are people that are staying indoors today, can we have a nice long "Chat" back home?"

"Sure, but only people form Fumizuki."

"I'll try my best to find them."

"Sure whatever. Your ice cream is melting."

"Ok."


Translate the following lines:

It is a beauteous evening, calm and free,

The holy time is quiet as a Nun

Breathless with adoration; the broad sun

Is sinking down in its tranquillity;

The gentleness of heaven broods o'er the Sea:

Himeji Mizuki's answer:

それは、穏やかで自由な、麗しい夜です

神聖な時間は、尼僧として静かである

憧れの息。幅広い日

その静けさにダウンシンクされています。

海の天国のブルードの優しさ

Teacher's comments:

Correct. Some simple trivia is that the lines are from Wordsworth's poem. Good work.

Yoshii Akihisa's Answer:

それ

Teacher's comments:

You only knew how to translate "it"?

Shimada Minami's answer:

Das Ruck, ich werde ihn in Stücke brechen und zerstören ihn. Ich werde ihn quälen BIS er schreit und fleht um Gnade. Er wird den Tag bereuen, er lebte. Möge Gott schütze ihn nicht.

Teacher's comments:

That's weird. Were you confused about the question? I thought Shimada-san was okay at english.


Dear Minami,

I'm sorry. Although I'm not quite sure what I should be sorry about I can truthfully say that I'm sorry. I know that you are mad at me. I should have been more sincere and delicate. I'm sorry for being such a jerk. I'm not quite sure what triggered it but I really don't want to see you mad anymore. Can you please forgive me?

Minami, I don't like it when I see you cry. You're more suited to being the angry flat chested... please forget the previous three words. As I was saying, I would love to see your smiling face over your current condition. This gloomy sulking state doesn't suit you. Rather, I think that you are much cuter when you smile. Although you are probably planning on how to kill me when we see each other again, I hope that I can see your cute smile once this is over. So can we please make out and end this stupid quarrel? I hope that you will forgive me once you see this e-mail.

Love Akihisa Yoshii


"Oi, did I just write what I thought I wrote?"

It was a clear autumn day. The birds were chirping, the flowers were withering, the people were resting, it was a magnificent and rare rest day for the students of Fumizuki Academy. Of course, the author has absolutely no idea where this would fit into the canon timeline, let's just say that its autumn and it's the second semester. And so, the normally busy and chaotic mayhem that filled every other morning in which the FFF inquisition put me on trial, was replaced by a rich and sedentary peace. This is what other people felt, but for a certain Akihisa Yoshii, who was currently locked up in his room unlike the students who were so carefree and could go out and play instead of pretending to study under the watchfull eye of Himeji-san, the mayhem was replaced by upcoming despair.

On a completely different note, it seemed that we managed to escape from the onslaught of the Class C and the FFF inquisition alliance all too close. Normally I would be quite happy with this revelation but...

"Just how did an ordinary apology letter turn into a love letter."

"I'd rather hope that you do realize that your stupidity caused that email to turn into an embarrassing love letter."

What! Are you the devil in my heart? Have you come to once again poke fun at me and... oi, where did you get that suit?

"I thought that flying around naked was a bit depraved so I picked this up. Is there a problem?"

Ok, forget the suit and the glasses and the cup of tea. What happened to your personality?

"Well, a number of things. In theory, I guess you could call it a change in your thought process."

"..."

"As I, the devil in your heart or rather your Id, I am fully created by the brain waves in your heart that tells you to do the immoral actions that satisfy your wants."

"..."

"Since I am in this form, I am guessing that this means that you would better listen to someone with this certain personality rather than what you previously thought of me as a stark naked devil."

"..."

"Since you are an idiot let me put this in easier words: You made me this way!"

Why didn't you just say so earlier? Was there really a need for you to go through that small speech?

"Anyways, since you subconsciously transformed your apology letter into a love letter, I'm guessing that those are your true feelings."

"..."

"..."

"Basically you like her."

"..."

"Understand? This is the truth."

"..."

"It's about time to give up."

I got up with my head down and trotted towards the computer. There was something I had to do.

"Alright time to delete that email."

"Are you prepared to neglect this for the rest of your life!"

"Shut up, I'm self conscious enough."

"You mean you already realized! Dammit, Akihisa. Just send that damn email already. Isn't about time for you to get a girlfriend."

"Die evil in my heart! Vanish! My sense of justice won't lose!"

… Eh? Where's my angel? Don't tell me it's late again. Why does it only appear when I don't want it to while it is always late when I need it!

"Come now lover boy, just think about what could be had if you sent that letter and it's accepted."

If the letter was accepted... being Minami's boyfriend. No, Akihisa you do not have time to think about this. You need to think of where you two should go for your first date. The movies? No that would be too orthodox. Besides Minami would probably like to watch a non romantic action movie. Than how about the cafe by the station, La Pedis. The last time we went there, with a detached collar bone, she seemed to really enjoy it. No wait, Miharu lives there so she would be a big annoyance and...

Wait, what am I thinking? This is no time to discuss these meaningless topics. Quick, go into zen mode. Zen. Think of that old hag's naked body. OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMM...

"...It's okay to send that letter right."

… to think that even my angel agrees with sending that letter. So much for Id and Superego, I don't see a difference.

Ahhh no, quick Akihisa, you must delete that email and correct it. Alright, let's see the back space button. Time to get rid of this annoyance once and for all...

"Akihisa-kun."

"HAAH!"

I fell backwards and dragged the chair with me. Meanwhile, my subconscious was trying to hid behind a bookshelf. They weren't succeding.

"Oh no, are you okay Akihisa-kun? Did you hit your head?"

"No, I'm fine Himeji-san. I was just startled that's all."

I said this looking at her from an upside down view. Why is it that I am suddenly grateful for installing a carpet instead of a wooden floor. It almost saved my life or rather a minor concussion. And why did looking at Himeji-san's breasts from under her seem so exciting. No, Akihisa, don't go there. More importantly...

"Yes, did you need me for anything Himeji-san."

"Actually, I just wanted to tell you that Akira-san said she would be late in coming home today. And that she would be eating out instead."

"Hmm, so Ane-san won't be home till late. Well, i'll just make enough for two people today. Is that all Himeji-san?'

"Oh and muuu~~ I sort of heard you talking to yourself so I was curious if you had invited someone over."

"Hmm, oh no of course not. I was just talking to myself."

"Okay then, I'll leave you to study."

At this sentence, she immediately portrayed a beautiful smile and hopped out of the room. She closed the door behind her and, from the sound of her footsteps, she probably sat by the makeshift desk I made for her so that she could study. I feel bad making a top student like Himeji-san use that puny desk but it was already better than the desk I was using.

"Now then, as comfortable as the carpet is, time to get up."

I got up and put my chair back to it's original spot. What was I doing before? Oh yes, erasing that embarrassing email. It's almost a miracle Himeji-san didn't see it. It would have been a disaster... or maybe not. The gentle and hard-working Himeji-san wouldn't do something as depraving as spreading rumors.

"Alright back to apologizing to Minami... What's this on the screen? Clearly my eyes are bad. Here I'll close my eyes a bit and it will change back to it's original display.

"Alright, it has surely changed now. All I have to do is read it out properly. Ahem."

"The message has been sent. To view your message click here..."

Wait, what!

I felt a tap in my shoulder.

"Good job."

"Oh my god, are you telling me that I actually sent it. How did that happen? Could it possibly be when I fell down. Did I actually accidentally hit the send button. What kind of misfortune is that and rather, you're the last person that I want to hear that from you devil. Quick, God, Buddha, Vishnu, Haruhi, all gods in the universe, send some sort of holy creature down and correct my horrible mistake!"

"... Good job?"

"No, I did not mean the angel in my heart. That barely counts as a holy creature. Can't you guys do your job properly?"

Quick Akihisa, you have to think of a way to not let Minami see that email. Well, the only plausible way would be to delete it. And to delete the email, there's only one thing to do. Sneak into Minami's email account and delete it... Wait isn't that a crime?

Ding-Dong...

"Yes, who is it?"

I heard Himeji-san's soft footsteps as she got up from her table and went to get the door. Ah, what a graceful and cute sound?

"Oh, Tsuchiya-kun. What brings you here today?"

Tsuchiya? Who was that again? Oh it's just Mutsurrini. It's not Minami coming to get me. What a relief. Wait, Mutsurrini? Why would he be here?

"So, why did you come to my place?"

"...Special delivery."

He whispered before stealthily placing a package in my hands while taking off his shoes. It was small and was the size of a a small envelope. I managed to take a sneak peek at said package. On the packaging the words "Mutsurrini Co. :Sports festival cheerleading special for Akihisa Yoshii". Yes, just what I was looking forward to.

"Ara, since you came over, would you like to join us for some tea and snacks."

Hmm... that would be an absolutely normal speech if it was said by anyone else. So why was it that when it is said by Himeji-san that it sounded so much like "Welcome to hell. Would you like to die?"

Me and Mutsurrini instantly looked each other in the eyes and silently yet instantly thought of a plan. Behind us, a certain menacing purple aura was about to eat us.

"Ah, Himeji-san, let me take care of the snacks. Mutsurrini was just dying to have a chat with you."

Mutsurrini nodded with great enthusiasm.

"Hmm, something too talk about. Ah, could it be... Oh okay, Akihisa-kun. I leave the snacks to you.

As I attended to the snacks I couldn't help but over here a few words from Mutsurrini and Himeji-san's conversation.

"...hisa...baseball...gallant...100 yen"

"...derstand...buy...ozen copies."

"...special...oshii...exchange...eerleader..."

That conversation. It seemed a bit too creepy. But for Himeji-san. That's impossible. She probably just wanted to purcahse a few pictures of everyone happily playing baseball together. Maybe even a few pictures of her having fun cheerleading. Yeah that's it. Nothing creepy at all.

"Now then, time to have a sneak peek at the wonderful pictures brought by Mutsurrini."

I took them out while I waited for the tea to brew. At this angle Himeji-san shouldn't be able to see me.

"WWOOAAHHH!"

"Akihisa-kun, is there a problem?"

"Huh, uh well... no nothing at all."

My god, what destructive power! I almost got blood into the tea. The bouncing movement of Himeji-san's breasts, her babyish face, the sparkling sweat. No doubt, Himeji is amazingly suited to a cheerleader costume. Amazing! And that was only the first photo. This package must be a biochemical weapon.

"Oi, what happened to your sense of justice."

I immediately took out the second photo. AHHHH! It took all my strength to stay alive. The two identical faces of the Kinoshita twins were aligned beside each other in a super wonder shot. Hideyoshi in the male sports jacket beside his sister Yuuko in a cheerleading costume was far too destructive. Yuuko was bent over in a wonderful and seductive manner while scolding Hideyoshi. The bent pose gave a clear outline of Yuuko's curves. Hideyoshi on the other hand was leaning on the wall, trying to escape from his sister's grip. The bandages around his chest were loose and looked as if they were about to fall off. What was this amazing photo given from the heavens? It had a double dose of danger than any separate photo. Brilliant!

"Oi, are you listening to me?"

I completely ignored the brewing tea, as I flipped through the photos. I was almost dead before I reached the last one. I stood there silent. There was something wrong about this. The P.E. Clothes gave a clear outline of her sheepish limbs while showing off her slender figure. So why did I feel a sudden wave of grief?

"That's what they call..."

RING...

"I'll get it."

I snapped out of my photo-viewing trance and watched as Himeji-san went to pick up the phone. Mutsurrini was sitting in the corner counting a pile of cash.

"Yes. Hello...Yes... he's here. Akihisa-kun, It's for you."

"Hmmm, who is it?"

"It's the principal."

And so, the somewhat peaceful day was about to become a not so peaceful adventure.

I should have seen this coming.


Minami sat in a nearby park, holding a certain gift in her hands. She gripped it tight but kept silence, letting her anger drain into her grip. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she picked it up.

One new message from "Aki"

"Jerk..."

And without even looking at it, she deleted it.


Did you enjoy this story enough to get to these words. No? I didn't think so. Oh well, I'm gonna go and crawl up into my corner and think about how I should have been born as a sea cucumber. Bye!

Oh and just in case some of you are confused, in volume 8, Mizuki is living in Akihihisa's house. If you want to know why, read the light novels. As well, in the apology/love letter, Akiisa mispelled make up for make out just to show his stupidity. This joke only works in english.