My brother Danny hadn't been the same since the war. God, that sounded so cliche. Isn't that what everyone said about their loved ones? And it was true. War changed everyone. But my brother...
I wasn't sure what happened to him, what he had seen, and I wasn't about to ask him. Whatever it was it had driven him crazy. God, I hated that word and everything it entailed. If we had known…if we'd had any idea, we would have locked him up for his own good.
It was common for him to have episodes where he didn't know where he was or what he was doing. He would shout at enemies that weren't there and attack anything that got in his way. His wife Rosie had become so scared of what was happening she asked me to move in with them. "Just for awhile," she'd said. I knew then I should have said no, made her get him some help, but I couldn't.
Danny was my big brother. He'd always been there for me and this was my chance to repay him. But it had been so much longer than awhile. I barely remembered what my apartment looked like any more.
I intervened when I could, steering Danny out of the house away from Rosie and the boys. Usually when he was having one of his episodes I could guide him to a quiet area and calm him down. Usually. This was not one of those times. No, this was one of those times I was going to end up sore and bruised. As predicted, Danny screamed and shoved me aside as I tried to calm him. He darted past me and ran down the street.
"Shit." I sighed and hurried behind him, cursing again when he burst through the doors of the Garrison. "Damn it, Danny."
By the time I caught up to my brother, he was face down on the floor being held by Thomas Shelby and Freddie Thorne. Thank God. Tommy and I had been friends for ages and Tommy was good to Danny. They'd served together and he'd taken to looking after Danny since they returned. When they got him to his feet, he was back to himself. Danny's eyes were sad as they met mine. "I did it again, didn't I?" he asked, shame coloring his words.
I nodded and a single tear slipped from my eye before I could stop it. I hastily wiped it away. Tommy knew enough of my business without me crying in front of him. Danny moved past me to walk out the door. He stopped me when I went to follow. "Give me a minute, yeah?" he asked.
"Sure, Danny," I said, knowing it was unlikely he would have two episodes that close together. Besides, I was tired. Keeping tabs on him was exhausting. Hiding that fact from him was even more so. Sometimes I wondered if it would have been better for everyone if he'd never come home. Then I hated myself for having the thought. For feeling relief at the thought. God, I was a horrible human being.
I watched him walk away then turned to find Tommy standing right behind me. I gave him a sad, crooked smile. "I'm sorry for the trouble, Tommy," I told him, sorrow heavy in my voice. "He got away from me."
He pursed his lips and looked me over. "It's all right, Lily. Can I buy you a drink?"
Nothing in the world sounded sweeter to me at that moment. "Yes, please." I tried not to sound too eager but was fairly certain I'd failed.
He led the way to the bar and I hopped up on the stool next to him. While he ordered the drinks, I discretely dug in my coin purse. Pulling out every cent I had, I slid it across the bar to Harry. "For the damage," I said, my cheeks heating in embarrassment. Danny couldn't help it, but that didn't change what others thought of him. I heard every whisper and saw every dirty look. "I know it won't cover everything, but I'll get you the rest as soon as I can."
Tommy put his hand on top of mine, pinning the money beneath. "I thought you lost your job," he said quietly, those blue eyes of his piercing into me.
I had. Danny had come by my work and had an episode. I'd been dismissed on the spot. Not wanting to explain all that, I simply nodded. Tommy pulled my hand back across the bar. "Keep your money, Lil. Send the bill to the Peaky Blinders, Harry. We'll cover it."
I ran a hand through my hair then took a sip of my drink. "Thank you, Tommy. I don't know how I can ever repay you."
"You don't have to pay me, Lily. I just told you we'd take care of it." Irritation hung heavy on his words.
I shook my head. "I'm not talking about the money, Shelby. I'm talking about everything else. Most everyone's given up on him. Thank you for sticking around."
He studied me in silence for a long moment. "You don't owe me anything. Just keep doing what you're doing. He needs you."
Danny was having another of his bad days. Physically, he may have been on the street with me, but his mind was stuck in the war. I needed to get him calmed down and home as soon as possible. I steered him toward an empty table along the side of the road. Once I got him to sit, I squatted in front of him so I could see his eyes. Placing my hands on his knees I called his name.
"Look at me, Danny. See me." There it was, that small spark of recognition deep in his eyes. He was starting to come back to me.
"Hey get out of here we're closed," a harsh voice said and I jerked my head in that direction to see the shop keeper trying to shoo us away. Part of me was tempted to invoke Tommy's name like a prayer against evil but I wouldn't dare without his permission.
Instead, I played pathetic female. "Please, sir, he's ill. Just give us a moment and we'll be out of your way." I turned my attention back to Danny only to find I'd lost him again. His attention was focused on the shop keeper now, completely ignoring me.
Before I even registered what was happening, pain exploded from my cheek, radiating through my head. I was knocked to my ass and it took me a moment to realize that Danny had hit me to get me out of the way. This was the first time he'd hit me outright. Usually it was a shove or a hard grip. And he'd hit me hard. I could already feel the skin growing tight as my face swelled.
Danny dived for the man and my stomach dropped as I realized he'd stabbed the man.
"Oh, Danny," I whispered as my heart broke. I couldn't save him from this. Not even Tommy could fix this. Danny had gone too far and he'd have to face the consequences. His terrified eyes met mine before he took off, fleeing the scene of his crime.
I scrambled to your feet ignoring the throbbing in my cheek. I headed directly for the Shelby house. I pounded on the door and waited anxiously for someone to answer. If Tommy wasn't home, they could at least tell me where to find him. The door opened, Polly's welcoming smile fading when she saw my face. She grabbed my arm to pull me into the house and steered me to a chair at the table. Other members of the family hovered round but I didn't see Tommy.
"Bloody Hell," Arthur mumbled. "Tommy's going to be right pissed."
"Thank you, Arthur. That is incredibly helpful," Polly said with a scowl. Arthur held up his hands and backed out of the room. John leaned against the wall chewing on a toothpick and looking me over while Ada fretted nearby. "Oh, for…will one of you make yourself useful and fetch Tommy, please?" Polly barked and the room cleared.
Ada jumped to obey, hurrying out the door. Polly got a bowl of water and rag to clean my face. It was only then I realized the skin must have split where Danny hit me. I cleared my throat. "How bad is it?" I asked.
Polly stopped to look at me. "It could be worse, but Arthur was right. Tommy won't be happy."
"You say that like he usually is," I teased, earning a smirk from the other woman.
She soaked the rag in cool water and held it against the side of my face. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the soothing sensation of the cold against the wound. The door slammed open and I jumped at the noise. My eyes locked on Tommy's crystal blue gaze as he stepped forward. Polly moved back to give him room and he squatted in front of me, much as I had done to Danny earlier.
His hand laid over the top of mine. "Let me see, Lily," he said, his voice soft.
I moved the cloth away from my face. Tommy's eyes narrowed as his thumb ran gently over the bruised skin. Suddenly his other hand slammed down on the table and I jumped. "Sorry. Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to scare you. What happened? Was it Danny?"
I glanced around the room only to realize that we were alone. "He was having a bad day, Tommy. He didn't mean it. There was this shop keeper and-" I stopped talking when he pressed two fingers against my lips.
Amusement flickered in his eyes. "I want to hear this, love, but you need to slow down. I'm not going to hurt Danny, okay? I know he can't help it. I just need to know what happened."
I took a breath and started again. "He was having an episode. I was trying to calm him down when this shop keeper interrupted. Danny hit me so he could get past me to the other man. He killed him, Tommy."
"Shit," he breathed.
I nodded and tears began to run down my cheeks. I'd failed. I was supposed to take care of him and I'd failed.
Tommy cupped my face in his hands and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. "Oh, sweetheart, don't cry. I'll figure something out, okay?"
"Okay, Tommy," I said, having complete faith in the man before me.
His gaze stayed locked on me for a long moment then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. My stomach flipped. I was surprised but I didn't hesitate to return the kiss. I'd been a little bit in love with Tommy Shelby since the first day I saw him.
He pulled away and kissed my forehead before standing and taking my hand in his. "Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you home."
I was sitting with Rosie two days later when word came that my brother was dead. And that Tommy had seen to it. My chest grew tight and I struggled to breathe as tears flooded my eyes. No. He said he'd figure something out. He kissed me. He couldn't make me fall in love with him, kiss me and then kill my brother. Danny was the only blood family I had left. I sucked in a breath as I tried to keep from hyperventilating. What kind of sadistic bastard would kill Danny?
Tommy Shelby, that's who. I jumped up from the table, leaving Rosie in the hands of her friend that had delivered the news. I hurried through the streets, looking for a Shelby, any Shelby. Just my luck, I found the one I actually wanted to see.
Running up to him, I pounded my fists into his chest. He wrapped his hands around my wrists and held me to him as he looked down in surprise. He must have seen on my face that I knew. "Not a word. Not one word, Lily, until we're off the street."
I didn't answer as I clenched my teeth and glared at him. He kept a tight hold and pulled me down the street. When we came to a stop, I blinked in surprise as I realized we were in front of my apartment. I hadn't been willing to give up my apartment despite spending most of my time at Danny's house. It would have felt like I was giving up. Not that it mattered now.
"Where's your key?" Tommy bit out.
I pulled the chain from the inside of my dress and unlocked the door. He steered me inside then slammed the door behind me. He released me. "All right. Let me have it," he said.
I slammed my hands into his chest again and again, shoving him against the wall. "You murdered my brother, you bastard. You told me you wouldn't hurt him. You said you understood. You said you'd figure it out." Angry, disappointed tears ran down my face. This hurt so bad. My heart was broken not only because my brother was dead but because I loved the man that killed him. I hit him again. "Damn it, Shelby. I loved you, I trusted you."
He grabbed my wrists then, holding my hands out to the side so I couldn't hit him again. "What did you say?"
"I trusted you," I bit out.
"No. Before that," he demanded, those piercing eyes boring into mine. I simply glared back, not wanting to give him what he wanted. "Damn it, Lily. Danny's not dead. Now what did you say?"
My brother wasn't dead? But..."Explain please."
"It was a trick, a ruse to satisfy the Italians' need for revenge and teach your brother he's got to learn to control himself."
I stumbled back in shock and Tommy released me. "Danny's alive. Thank Christ. I never would have forgiven you for that, Tommy."
"I am well aware of that," he said with a lifted brow. He took a step toward me, a predatory glint in his eye. "Now. What. did. you. say?"
I closed the space between us. Placing my hands gently on his chest, I looked up at him. "I said I love you, Thomas Shelby." I no sooner got the words out than his lips crashed into mine.
