The Dragon in the Basement

Author's Note: This is my first Merlin fic, I hope you all like it. It's a parody/crack fic. Rated T for language. And "dignifiedly" is a real word, meaning "in a dignified manner." My friend and I had a bet about it. Also, I own nothing pertaining to BBC's Merlin.


Arthur was disgruntled. And distressed. And hastily (but still very dignifiedly) on his way to have a Talk with his father.

He couldn't believe that his father had kept something this big from him. Literally, it was huge.

Reaching the doors to the main dining room, Arthur didn't pause to knock, but instead strode grandly into the chamber, pronouncing "Father," in a very commanding tone, "I must speak with you at once! It is of utmost importance."

"Really, Arthur, is it so important you must interrupt my weekly dinner with Morgana?" Uther said tiredly.

"Yes!" the slightly shrill exclamation made his emotionally compromised state more obvious than Arthur would have liked.

"Well, go on then."

Arthur glanced briefly at Morgana. "We should probably discuss this privately," he said.

Morgana leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. "I am trying to enjoy my dinner, so just get on with it."

"I really don't think—"

Uther interrupted, "Arthur, just—"

"THERE IS A DRAGON LIVING UNDER THE CASTLE," Arthur yelled, unable to contain himself any longer.

"Oh!" Morgana exclaimed, "I'm glad you've met."

This threw Arthur for a complete loop, because how the hell did Morgana, of all people, know about this while Arthur did not. Apparently, Uther was equally surprised as he and Arthur both asked "You know about that?" simultaneously.

Morgana smirked, looking at Arthur. "He's got some interesting ideas."

Arthur paled, "You've talked to him?"

Morgana just smirked wider.

Uther looked between them, clearly distressed, bordering on enraged, "What has this foul beast said to you?"

Arthur looked down at his feet and fiddled with the hem of his tunic, "It's nothing. Nothing relevant anyway."

"I insist you tell me what vile things this monster has been spouting."

Arthur twitched some more. Morgana smirked. "It's just a misunderstanding really, and the… beast—" (because he couldn't bring himself to say "dragon" again; it was just too ridiculous) "refuses to accept my explanations on a certain subject."

Uther had begun to rise from his chair, "Arthur, I demand you tell me—"

Before Uther could finish, and before Arthur could come up with more explanations that failed to placate the king, Morgana interrupted them both with the horrifying, but true, statement, "The Great Dragon thinks that Arthur and Merlin are fucking."

Uther sat down abruptly in his chair, a puzzled expression crossing his countenance, as he turned to look at Arthur. "You're not?"

~FIN

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