To say he was worried was an understatement; Jackson had never seen Aaron so distraught. That's not even the best way to describe it, depression didn't sound right either. He seemed as if his life had been stolen away from him, he had no spark anymore and that was down to him. He couldn't make Aaron understand how he was feeling, how living life in a shell of a body was slowly killing him. He tried, more than once, but it didn't work...nothing would make Aaron understand. He'd become so withdrawn since his return from Whitby, he was there physically but mentally, emotionally he was gone. Hazel had been worrying about him as well, Paddy and Chas too, but he wouldn't open up. He kept bottling everything up, constantly on the verge of tears or exploding in anger. Paddy told him the last time he was like this was before he tried to kill himself, the thought alone made Jackson's blood run cold. He did this, he pushed him this far, he would never forgive himself for that.

Aaron had been up and out the door well before Jackson stirred. He went to the garage to talk, to check on him, but he wasn't there. Debbie said she hadn't seen him all day. Typical Aaron, doing a runner when he can't deal with things. He checked the Woolie, the cricket pavilion, everywhere he could think of. His mind was doing double time; thinking of what he could get up to, what trouble he could get into.

He was on his way back to Dale Head, hoping beyond hope that Aaron was waiting for him, when Adam stopped him. He tried to get away, wanting to get back home as quickly as possible.

"What's happened between you and Aaron?" Adam asked, skipping all formalities.

"What you on about?" Jackson asked puzzled.

"I saw Aaron this morning, heading past the garage. He was in a right state mate, didn't even hear me call after him. He...he had this look about him, scared me. I've not seen him look like that in ages. The last time was after he..." He left the sentencing hanging; Jackson nodded his head in acknowledgement.

He didn't even say goodbye to Adam as he directed his chair past the garage, not having a clue where he was going, all he knew was that he had to find Aaron. He couldn't lose him now, not like this.


"Aaron?" Jackson called, slowly approaching the bridge overlooking the small river. His heart was pounding in his chest as he watched Aaron perched on the railing, leaning over the edge too far for his liking.

"How'd you find me?" The words seemed to exert far too much effort, as if the act of speaking completely drained him. Jackson could tell by looking at him, at the dark circles under his eyes, the slight slouch in his shoulders, that he was exhausted. Not just physically exhausted, but exhausted in every sense of the word.

"Adam," he cleared his throat, the words getting trapped as his throat constricted with too many feelings...sadness, despair, panic, anything and everything all at once. He wanted to have a go, yell at him for making him worry, but once he laid eyes on him he couldn't. He could barely speak at all now.

"What do you want?"

"I was worried," his voice hiding all the underlying emotions, he sounded calm to his own ears. "You were gone when I woke up, then I couldn't find you around the village. I just needed to know you were alright."

Aaron let out a strangled laugh, how could he possibly be alright?

"What are you doing up here?"

"Thinking." Aaron answered flatly.

"About...about what?" Why did he ask that? He didn't want to know! He already felt like his heart was in a vice.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Of course."

"Jumping."

Jackson was taken aback, he never for one minute thought Aaron would say that. He didn't know what to say.

"Aaron..."

"Don't, just don't."

"You can't mean that!"

"Why not?" Aaron turned to look at him, his body shifting on the thin railing, his right leg dangling over the side of the bridge. Jackson's already racing heart seemed to have gained speed; he never knew a heart could beat so rapidly.

Aaron was waiting on an answer, watching him as he tried to think of a valid reason. What could he say to him? What could he possibly say when he wanted to end his own life, when he was the reason for Aaron wanting to end his.

"Why can't I mean it Jackson? Tell me! I know, because I have my whole life ahead of me. I have me friends and family, people who love me, people who will help me move on with my life after you're..." He couldn't bring himself to say the words; he wouldn't say them not ever.

Jackson could only nod, not able to find his voice as he stared at his broken lover. He would give anything to get up from this damned chair and taken him in his arms. Hold him until the pain melted away. This chair! The root of all his problems! H could feel a small sliver of anger working its way inside him, just enough to lend fuel to the fire, to shake him out of his stupor.

"You do have all that, and more! You're 19, you can't give up now. I need you to live Aaron!"

"I don't want to live! Don't you get that? I can't live without you! I told you that I need you here with me because I can't do this on me own. I won't go on without you! You are my life Jackson, whether you want to be or not. If you go, I go."

"Is this a guilt trip or blackmail? Your sneaky little way of getting me to change my mind? Cause it ain't gonna work!"

What little life that was left in Aaron came rushing out, Jackson hadn't meant to yell at him or say such harsh things, he just wanted to make him understand that he has too much to live for.

"Aaron, I'm sorry...I didn't mean that."

"You did. You think that once you're gone I'm just going to move on with my life, that I'm going to go to Bar West and find your replacement? You don't get it."

"Then tell me! Tell me what you want!"

"I WANT YOU!"

"You've got me!"

"For how long eh? A week? A month? I want you forever Jackson!"

"I'll always be with you, no matter what."

"Don't! Don't say that." He turned away from Jackson as the tears started falling down his cheeks; his will to live was gone now. "I've been so stupid. Thinking that I could get you through this, that I could save you. You didn't want to be saved though did you? All I wanted was for us to have a normal life, but you never gave me the chance. Everything had to be on your terms. I wanted to get married, thought about asking you in Whitby. Had it all planned out. It was going to be on the last day, up at the Abbey, but then...then you said what you said. I've never felt anything as painful as that."

"As...As painful as what?"

"As painful as my heart breaking. I dreamed up this life we could have; what our wedding would be like, the honeymoon, a place of our own. I even thought about what our kids would look like if we were to have any...but now, now I can't picture any of it. So I tried to picture life without you, but I couldn't. That's when I realised I couldn't go on."

"Aaron, please, I need you with me!"

"No, no you don't. You have your mum, you don't need me. I can't do this anymore."

"What are you saying? Are you dumping me?"

"I'll always be with you, no matter what," He repeated Jackson's phrase as he stood, balancing precariously on the edge of the bridge.

"Aaron, don't!"

"I love you Jackson, I always will."

"AARON!"