A/N: God help me with this one. I started this after only seeing 3 episodes of the show so it has been a hard chapter to write. I really would like to see this play out on the show as I am sure a lot would. Thanks to my buddy Ash for all the help with the characters and reading the chapter bit by bit. She has to answer all my questions and beta for me. Although I am pretty sure that she just wants to ready it first. Hope that you all enjoy and let me know what you think or if you would like more. Thanks for reading.
Thoughts/Memories are in italic
Chapter 1
Maura really didn't remember the moment she ran through the door. After seeing Jane with a gun to her abdomen and hearing what, she knew was a shot firing, things just stood still. What little that did seem to move in her mind was in reverse.
"Won't I embarrass you?"
"Probably."
The multitude of guns drawn to the area didn't stop Maura from running straight for Jane, as she lay on the ground.
"Tell Maura, that I didn't know I had to bribe her with the hope diamond."
"What do you mean, I'm not your type. That's just rude."
"I just think that if you allow him to see all sides of you, he'll stop calling….You know, I just heard what that sounded like…and this is….what I meant to say was that…."
By the time she reached Jane it was obvious Bobby was dead. "Jane!" Maura honestly couldn't tell if it came out a cry or a scream.
"Get back, Dr. Isles!" Frost shouted as he ran toward them.
"He's dead and I am not moving!" Maura shouted without her eyes leaving Jane. She checked for a pulse and was relived to find one.
Before she knew it, she was surrounded by the SWAT team. "We've got an officer down in here." Another SWAT team member screamed from the door. Maura only breathed a small sigh of relief as she realized that Frankie would be alright. Maura slowly rolled an uncurious Jane to her side to get a better look. Maura felt a set of hands on her biceps as she was being lifted off Jane. "Wha…."
"Dr. Isles" Frost said softly. "Let the paramedics in."
"I am a Doctor." Maura said angry.
"Right now you are not a Doctor, you're her best friend. Let them in."
Maura moved back to allow the young man and woman to Jane. She heard a commotion coming from behind her. Maura turned hoping that she had heard the wrong voice, but she hadn't. "Angela!" Maura said trying to calm the woman.
She tried to get by Maura and Frost, but he had his arms around her. "Jane! Where's Frankie?" Like on cue, Frankie was brought out on a stretcher. "OH. MY. GOD!" Maura watched Angela run toward the door. All Maura could think now, 'this can't be happening. Wake up, Maura. Wake up!'.
It had been two days since the shooting. Frankie was in stable condition and Jane had been awake almost ever since it happened. There was a lot of talk around the station. Jane's being a woman, or working with her brother, had never been in question before. Until now. A board was reviewing her actions that day. Like any job, where family is concerned, people make choices, good or bad, that are influenced by that family.
Maura walked through the door of Jane's hospital room, trying to think of anything else. "Hey." Jane said with a full smile.
"Hi." Maura smiled back. "How are you?"
"Other the fact I have a whole straight through me, my brother is upstairs, and oh yeah my job is being reviewed, yeah I'm good." Jane answered as she rolled her eyes.
Maura chuckled and walked over to the bed. "Don't worry about the review board."
"Don't worry? They're saying that I acted irrationally. Don't worry?" Jane noticed the look that crossed Maura's face and stopped her rant. "What?"
"Nothing."
"Maura."
"Well if you would like for me to say that I think you acted in a way that is unbecoming of you because your brother was in danger. I will."
"You too? Damn it, Maura."
"I can't look at you Jane and say that I don't agree. You are a person that escaped a psychotic man, twice. You thought things through. Came up with a plan and acted on it to perfection. Do you know, there is a type of person that they call a Survivor. This type of person seems to have every worst case scenario in their mind. They have a plan for every worst case scenario and when it happens to them, they're calm and think rationally. They survive. You are that type of person, Jane. People are accustom to Jane Rizzoli having a plan. When it was your brother, you didn't. Jane, myself and half of the homicide unit watched you point a gun to your abdomen and pull the trigger so that your brother would get help faster."
"I would have done it for any of you."
"You would have killed yourself for any of us?" Maura smiled. "As lovely a gesture that those words seem, we both know that isn't true."
"No, it is true. You don't think I would have done that for Korsak or Frost?"
"I think that you would have saved the day, yes, but would have done it with a meticulous strategy. You wouldn't have given up so easily."
"I didn't give up! I knew what I was doing."
"So you knew that could have killed yourself in front of the people that love you."
"Aww, Maura, you love me?"
"Stop it, Jane." Maura was serious and she knew it. "You could have died. You don't get to lay there and make snide comments. You could have died."
"So you agree with them?"
"What I believe is, that you did what you did out of love for your brother. I am not the one that has to make the decision of whether that was appropriate or not."
Jane looked up toward the ceiling showing her disbelief as to what Maura thought. "I would have done it for anyone else."
Maura just looked at the woman laying there. "Sure you would have." She looked around the room and decided that their talk was over. "Well, I'll leave you to your thoughts. I should be getting back anyway."
Maura started to walk from the room and Jane turned her head to look at her. "Maura?"
"Yes." She said turning to look the woman in the eyes.
"I would….I would have done it for you. You know that, right?"
Maura smiled. "It's a nice thought, Jane."
"I would have."
"Get some rest. I'll come back later." Maura smiled and waved before leaving.
"I would have." Jane said to the closed door.
Maura returned to work and the comfort of her dead friends. It was a place that normally she could relax, could concentrate, but not today. She was leaned over the body of man that was found in the park, as a shiver ran down her spine. It wasn't death or the cold of her surroundings, it was the memory. Memories of Frankie and being surround by a SWAT team with guns pointed directly at her as smoke filled the room. It was the thought of Jane putting that gun to her abdomen and actually pulling the trigger. A lot of the rest was a blur. She had been told, in front of Jane, that Frost had to physically lift her away from Jane's body. The one memory she had seemed to forgotten. She shook her head and tried to return her attention to the man that needed her now. She couldn't do anything about what happened, but here she was in control.
She was so deep in thought, she didn't hear someone come in the door. "Dr. Isles?"
She turned to see Frost. "Detective Frost." She smiled. "I didn't hear you come in."
"Yeah, you looked like you were busy."
"Everything alright?"
Trying to look everywhere but the body laying on the table, he answered, "Um, I was just wondering how you were."
"I am surprisingly well, thank you." Wow. Did Maura Isles just lie?
"I know that you and Rizzoli are close. I was just thought I would check on you."
"Frost, did you know nightmares can have psychical causes such as sleeping in an uncomfortable or awkward position, having a fever, or psychological causes such as stress and anxiety?"
"Um, no…no I didn't."
"Recurring post-traumatic stress disorder nightmares in which, real traumas are re-experienced, respond best to a technique called imagery rehearsal." She returned to closely look at the body on the table, but continued. "The technique involves the dreamer coming up with an alternate, mastery outcome to the nightmare, mentally rehearsing that outcome awake, and then reminding themselves at bedtime that they wish this alternate outcome should the nightmare recur. Research has found that this technique not only reduces the occurrence of nightmares and insomnia, but also improves other daytime PTSD symptoms."
"Really?"
"Yes." Maura continued to look at the body. "How are you sleeping at night, Detective?"
"How did you know?"
Maura looked up at the man standing in front of her. "I think a person has the ability to see someone that has the same traits and characteristics as them. Maybe seeing someone with the same weakness has the same effect. You recognize the signs." Maura looked around the room. "Like the discomfort in a place that held the only comfort you ever knew. The only place that never judged you." She took a deep breathe still looking around. "Now you judge it."
"Are we still talking about me?"
"I…I just can't stop seeing it. Hearing it. Feeling that fear."
"I know. I do this everyday. Everyday I see death and tragedy. Somehow it was different."
"Because it was Jane."
"Are we ever gonna sleep again?"
"Eventually. We just have to get passed this point."
"The review board should have a decision within a couple hours."
"That's good. I just hope…"
"We all do."
It had been a long day. A day of nothing but thinking, and not the normal Maura Isles type thinking. There were no medical reason, mathematic equation, or words that would have driven Jane Rizzoli wild, running through Maura's head. It was Jane. Jane in general.
Maura walked in to her house and did the normal. She changed into her favorite pajamas, gave Bass his strawberries and grabbed a bottle of wine. She made her way to the couch where she sat down heavily with a sigh. She was use to this. Use to watching Jane, Frost and Korsak leave the station and feel the sigh of relief when they all returned safe. Maura thought as she sipped on her glass of wine. She wondered how she would feel now. Would her fear make her as irrational as it had Jane?
She started to take another sip of wine when she realized that her glass was empty. In all this thought of Jane, she had finished the glass without knowing it. She leaned forward to the coffee table to reach her bottle of wine, when she saw it. A picture of her and Jane. They were cheek to cheek with their arms wrapped tightly around each other. Maura picked up the picture and studied it. Jane was her family; her best friend. That was why this was so hard for her to handle. Right? "This is absolutely ridiculous. She has to do her job." Maura said to herself and she placed the picture down. She took the bottle of wine and raised it to her glass. Just as she was about to pour, she stopped. She sat the glass on the table and took the picture again. She leaned back, bottle of wine clinched in one hand, picture of her and Jane in the other. She took a deep breath and said, "Absolutely ridiculous.", as she turned up the wine drinking straight from the bottle.
