"Hmmm. Is this thing on?"

*Camera static*
"Uhh, *fiddling with camera noises* yeah!"

*Camera flicks on to reveal fat man in his 50s with a plaster on his face wearing a red PE tracksuit*

"Uhh, think this should be on by now. *ahem*"

Jim: My name is Jim Morales, PE teacher for kadic junior high. Video diary 1. Is that how I'm supposed to start this?
*Jim turns around, a small boy around 13 years old with glasses is peeking around the door*

Jeremy: Yes, just keep going.

Jim: Ok, *ahem* Two years ago, my English Nephew Conrad was declared missing by the British authorities. Needless to say I joined the search team for it. I used to be a search and rescue captain in Vietnam! But I'd rather not talk about it.

*Jeremy makes a "get on with it gesture"*
Jim: Oh right! Uhh, recently while training in the woods, I found a small book with a bullet on the front. Apparently it belonged to Conrad. On the inside I found an extremely strange opening that goes as follows.

Introduction: My name is Conrad morales, pronounced morale-es, 17 year old college student, fairly ordinary. I like playing video games, watching anime and 20th century history. If you do find this Journal, please do not show my family, I do not want them to worry about me. Chances are, if you find this Journal, I am most probably dead so do not attempt to find me. If you are my killer, Please write a single last entry in my journal explaining the circumstances of my death. With that out of the way, some extremely weird things have happened to me these last couple of days, so I have decided to keep a journal detailing all of the events of these next few weeks, months or years if I survive that long.

*Jim scratches his eyebrow.*
Jim: Very strange, I haven't seen something like this since I was a paranormal researcher.

Jeremy: You were a paranormal researcher Jim?

Jim: Yes but… I'd rather not talk about it. Anyway, there's also a large amount of it written in code. Thankfully because I was a codebreaker in the Falklands war, I can crack these codes. They are written in Atbash or in vigner cipher. fascinating that someone would go to such measures to hide their own written words in peacetime.

*Jim opens the book*

Jim: Conrad also left another rather strange message… it says this.

All Touhou Characters belong to ZUN… whoever that is. And Xeng-yao belongs to Fonzi the survivalist…

Please enjoy?


AN: before we get this fic started, I would like to say a few things. For starters, because the fic is written in a journal/diary format there will be very VERY few of these author notes, just for the sake of immersion (if you can call it that). Secondly, this is (Obviously) a gappy self-insert fiction staring me as the main character. While almost everything about Conrad is based on me, from his backstory (what little of it there is) to his preferences and his capability (although my name is not Conrad Morales, of course I'm not revealing my name on the internet) a lot of things will be exaggerated a LOT, so people who are worried about me because of things I say in this fanfic need not because it is HEAVILY exaggerated. The third thing that needs to be said is about the setting of the fic, The majority of the rules and character personalities will be based on the Memories of phantasm – fantasy kaleidoscope anime series. This has implications for a few things such has the spell card rules system, in the series the invoking of a spellcard is never shown, they just go right ahead and perform the attack. So there isn't spellcards as such, and also as the characters are based upon the anime portrayal this may affect the balance of the characters. The elephant in the room here is Yukari Yakumo, The majority of the fandom considers Yukari to be borderline godlike and almost omnipotent thanks to the power of boundaries. In my fic, this will be nerfed pretty heavily, although fear not. Do remember that the boundary power isn't really what makes Yukari dangerous, Yukari is dangerous because she is Yukari, because she is the craftiest Youkai ever to exist and probably the smartest and most cunning. Her ability to manipulate people is her greatest asset in reality and certainly in this headcanon.

Another thing that is pretty major, this fanfiction was intended (as jim states) to include encoded messages. This idea I ended up scrapping, because of anti-plagurism features in meaning that you can't copy and paste text. This would make deciphering the messages a pain in the ass so I replaced actual code with brackets telling you what is encoded.

Just pretend that it's in code.

One thing regarding fanfictions in general, I HATE, HATE fanfiction creators that think that they can make their fic better by making the stakes higher. So there will be nothing super significant about this fic, It's not going to risk the destruction of Gensokyo or of the moon or deaths of main characters as a dramatic technique because that's just cheesy.

Also, I better not beat around the bush here…

THIS FANFICTION WILL BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME VIEWERS! (Specifically residents of the USA who cannot take a joke, and also in some other areas to the general audience)

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Whew! That was pretty long, I guess it makes up for the fact there's not going to be many others. Lets not drag this on any longer

Please enjoy the FF, rate and review of course but most importantly. Enjoy.