Bitter Heart - Part 1/2

Here's a fic based on Vlad Hawke and Fenris's scene after the Bitter Pill quest, and the consequences.
This is the first part, I hope you'll like it. :) Reviews are ALWAYS welcome! :)


Thanking the Maker was what Vlad wanted to do right now. He was very relieved when he saw Fenris sitting on one of the bench seats. The elf had gone missing after what had happened in the Holding Caves with Hadriana. Vlad had thought he had returned to his mansion, but he hadn't been there, increasing his worries.
At first, he had wanted to look for him, but Anders and Varric had been against it, stating that Kirkwall was a big town, and searching in the Wounded Coasts was pointless. With no indication on the elf's whereabouts, the search would have probably failed.
Reluctantly, Vlad had agreed that the best thing to do was to wait for his return. A few days had passed before Varric had come over and said that he had seen the elf in Lowtown last night. And now, the warrior was in his mansion, unhurt.

"Here you are..." Vlad said. Fenris nodded and stood up, not meeting his gaze at first.

"I've... been thinking about what happened with Hadriana." he said, turning to face him "You and I don't always see eye to eye, but that doesn't mean you deserved my anger. I owe you an apology."

"Fenris..." Vlad said, shaking his head "It's alright, it doesn't matter. But I had no idea where you went, I was concerned."

"I... needed to be alone. I probably shouldn't have left like that, but I needed to. If I worried you, then I'm sorry." The elf did sound sincere, but Vlad knew that he needed to talk.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. Fenris thought for a moment and began pacing.

"... When I was still a slave, Hadriana was a torment. She would ridicule me, deny my meals, hound my sleep... Because of her status, I was powerless to respond and she knew it." Fenris was looking back at Vlad with a deep frown. He was getting angry. The rogue didn't say anything, though. For now, it was better to let him talk. "The thought of her slipping out of my grasp now... I couldn't let her go. I wanted to, but I couldn't."

"I see..." While Vlad understood his anger, the fact that Fenris was still obsessed with his past was a problem. The elf couldn't possibly start a new life if he didn't let it behind, and that worried the rogue. "Your need for revenge is consuming you."

"And what would you have me do?" Fenris said, still frowning. "Hadriana came after me! I have never had the option to simply walk away! Am I supposed to forgive, no matter how many times they hunt me down? Am I supposed to forget all the things they've done to me?"

"You already have the answer. Just look at yourself." Vlad said sighing in mid-frustration. "You can't move on. You're tied to your hate, to your past. Stop being so stubborn and admit that you need help... You may not be wearing the chains anymore, but you are NOT free. "

"YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT BEING A SLAVE!" Vlad was surprised at this outburst. He had seen Fenris angry before, but now he looked furious. But whether it was directly at the rogue or not, he was unsure. "It's a sickness, this hate! The dark growth inside me that I can't ever get rid of! And they put it there!"

"Then, let me help you with it." Vlad said calmly as he put his hands on Fenris's shoulders. But the elf shook them off.

"Ah... This... isn't why I came here." Fenris sighed and turned around.

"Marker's breath, stop being so bloody stubborn!"

"Easier said than done. I better go."

"Hold on! You cannot do this alone, Fenris!" The elf paused in mid-way, before shaking his head.

"No doubt you are right..." Was that all he was going to say? Vlad had a hard time to believe it. But Fenris was very thick-headed and didn't even bother looking at him when he said that: he just kept on walking away. But the rogue wasn't about to let him go so easily. Quickly, he rushed and slammed the door shut just as his companion was opening it. "Hawke?"

"Stop this, you can't just leave like that." The rogue said. "Why do you always do that?"

"And just what am I supposed to do?" the elf replied, frowning.

"How about staying, for a change? It's not like you'll be safer in your mansion..."

"It's not like you're the one who's being chased for six years!"

"Good grief, Fenris, that's not the point! You'll never be able to move forward if you keep on-"

"Stop saying that! Do you think I actually enjoy this?" That was it, another argument. Vlad hated them, but as much as he cared for Fenris, sometimes his patience was running low with him. "You said that I wasn't truly free. Of course, I know that! But how can I just forget a past that keeps on catching up with me? What they have done to me! What they keep on doing! I've no choice but to keep on fighting on my own!"

"That's not true. Don't forget that I am here, at your side." The rogue replied, raising an eyebrow. "Or am I just still a mere mercenary for you? Still some guy you employed for... distraction?"

"No! I-"

"No, let me finish. You're wrong, Fenris. You do have the choice. I've always been here for you, and I still am. Open your eyes for once!" The rogue sighed, trying to stay calm. What was the point of yelling at him, anyway? This conversation wasn't getting anywhere. He just wanted to make Fenris understood that he cared. "I'm right there, if only you'd let me..."

"..."

"And didn't you just say that I was right? When I said that you couldn't do this alone?" The elf wasn't looking at him anymore. Gently, Vlad lift his chin to make him meet his midnight-blue eyes. "Or did I... misunderstand? If so, then tell me, Fenris. If not... then, please stay."

For a moment, the elf didn't say anything, his gaze shifting from the door to Vlad. The rogue waited patiently, his hand gently letting go of the elf's chin, but remaining on it, absently tracing the lyrium markings. He knew the elf was hesitating, but he was thankful he didn't try to pull his hand away. Their relationship had been getting stranger over the last weeks. To Isabella and everyone else, they were a couple. The truth was a bit more complicated. In fact, they had done nothing more than sharing glances, and sometimes gentle touches. Kisses were pretty rare. In fact, the only time Vlad really did it had been the night the warrior told him the story of his escape. Since then, Vlad had only given him pecks from time to time, as Fenris didn't even let him do much more. Was it because he had never been with anyone, for as far as he remembered? Because of the physical and mental abuse he had suffered from when he was Danarius's slave? He didn't know. And he wasn't going to ask. There were more important things to deal with right now.

"Fenris..." Gently, he leaned down to kiss him but before he could, his lips met fingers. The elf had blocked his mouth just before he could reach him. Again.

"... I better go for now." The elf gently pulled his hand away, opening the door again. "We... I'll think about it. I'll see you later."

Vlad watched as he left his mansion, not stopping him. It seemed like Fenris truly didn't know what to do and needed to be alone once more. But loneliness wasn't meant for him. The elf had been alone for so long, he needed to be with someone who cared for him. Someone like Vlad. The rogue only wished for the elf to understand that. And that it wasn't hopeless...

***During the evening***

Standing at a window in his bedroom, Vlad absently looked outside, deep in thoughts. The night had fallen a few hours ago, but he wasn't tired. He had too much in mind.
The last days' events kept on replaying in his head. The hunters' attack, the fight with Hadriana, the revelations, Fenris's disappearance... and their talk. Vlad pondered on whether to go see Fenris or not. He didn't want the elf to think that he wasn't going to give him space if he needed some. But he was simply worried, and wondering what the elf was going to do. Fenris had said back in the Holding Caves that trying to find this supposed sister was too risky. Vlad had agreed and also been relieved.
Tension was high in Kirkwall, especially as people were worrying more and more about the Qunari... and Vlad knew that he had to stay here and do as much as he could to avoid things to go down the hill. He wouldn't be able to follow Fenris if the elf decided to go and find her. He was needed here, and couldn't simply do whatever he wanted.
But slavers and hunters were probably still out to get him, anyway... No doubt Fenris knew it would be too dangerous for him to leave the city.

"Master?" Hearing the little voice, Vlad turned around and smiled at Orana.

"Yes? Is something the matter?" he asked.

"A friend of yours just arrived. He's waiting downstairs." she said before bowing and leaving.

Vlad left his bedroom too, going down the stairs. Someone coming at his hour? Could it be Fenris? He hoped so, but he wasn't sure. Possibly Varric. The dwarf had come over several times to play cards and talk. But his friend didn't say he'd be coming tonight. Maybe Sebastian. After all, he was the only one the prince spent most of his time with... when he wasn't at the Chantry.
Vlad could only hope it wasn't Anders with another version of his manifesto. As much as he appreciated the mage, the rogue was tired and knew he'd simply throw in the fireplace whatever Anders would bring to convince to join him in his 'fight for freedom'. He didn't deny that the mages' situation in Kirkwall wasn't improving. He himself never stopped worrying his sister who was locked in the Gallows too. But as much as he cared for the mages, he didn't share the apostate's opinions.

But when he arrived to welcome the friend Orana talked about, he abruptly stopped. Standing near the bench seats was Fenris. He did come back. Sooner than he expected.
Seeing him, the elf walked over.

"Fenris?"

"I've been thinking of you..." He said. Stopping just a few inches from him, the elf slowly raised his hand and put it on the rogue's shoulder. "In fact, I've been able to think of little else."

"I've been waiting." Vlad said, feeling his heartbeat starting to speed up. "But I didn't think you'd really come."

"I didn't think so, either." The elf's face was so close, his green eyes staring right at Vlad's midnight blue ones. "But you did ask me to stay, and I couldn't forget it. But if you've changed your mind, then... command to go, and I shall."

There was no hesitation anymore. Fenris even looked hopeful. And so was the rogue. He wanted nothing more than for him to be there. He lift his hand and gently caressed the elf's cheek.

"No need..." he simply said. He wasn't going to tell him to leave. All he was asking for was for the elf to be with him. But he didn't have time to say it, as Fenris put his arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips. It wasn't a simple peck to show affection. But a real kiss, a tad passionate and slowly growing tender. Something Vlad didn't expect him to do, but he didn't mind at all. The rogue wasted no time to answer and hugged the elf. He enjoyed this. But he wanted more. Much more.
Breaking the kiss, he grabbed the elf's arms and pushed him against the wall before going back on kissing him, this time harder. He wasn't going to give him a chance to leave. Not this time. His body pressed against his, his hands on the wall, he moved his lips down the elf's neck, pressing kisses and nipping on the tender flesh. He felt the elf tightening his hold on him, his breathing hitching. Vlad could feel his own heart pounding, the desire growing stronger.

"Fenris..." He whispered, moving his arms down to hug him again. The elf simply moved and kissed his chin and neck, still holding onto him. Vlad closed his eyes, feeling the air getting hot. Here he was, standing with the object of his affection and desire in his arms... It might be his chance to make Fenris really his. "Come with me."

He let go of Fenris and took his wrist, heading for his bedroom. He didn't need to drag the elf, as his companion wasted no time to follow, both ignoring whoever was watching them. It didn't take long before they reached Vlad's room. The rogue closed the door behind him, staring at it for a moment. He knew what was going to happen, and things would never be the same again after that. But he didn't care. He wanted to enjoy the moment, no matter what.
When he turned around, Fenris took his face in his hands and kissed him deeply, something that surprised him again and made him ignore the cold feeling of steel claws on his skin. The elf truly seemed ready for this. But he had been the one to come to him, after all.
But the way he was kissing him, with no hesitation, his body pressed against the rogue... Vlad knew what it meant. He didn't need to hold back any longer.
Tonight, he would show him how he trully felt.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Here you go, first part of the fic! I'll post the second part as soon as I can (work isn't giving me much time to work on it, however)
Thanks for reading!