I was bored. Seriously bored. I was sleeping over Carly's house, when I heard the door across the hall open. Freddie's apartment. What would mister goody two shoes be doing out of bed at 2 in the morning?
And seeing as he didn't even come into this apartment, where could he have gone. Out of pure curiosity, I quietly left the room, and followed him. He was walking up the steps. Not the elevator.
"Freddie?" He froze for a second but continued walking. "Watcha doin out of bed? Your mom's gunna get scared." I said mockingly. For the next several minutes, as I followed him up the stairs, I made fun of him. Taunting him.
And I guess this was in the mood of it.
I didn't mean it, not at all. But yet, I said it. "Freddie? You do know you're only a worthless piece of space. Everyone would be better off without you." I never realized how bad those words I had just said were.
He stopped, right before the last step that led to the roof.
He hadn't even commented yet. He had ignored me the whole way up. But he stopped, right before the door. Without turning he whispered.
"I'm done. You win." I didn't understand those words. I stayed in my spot, wondering what he meant. It was several seconds before I realized he had continued walking, through the door and to the roof. I quickly followed. He was edging to the side. "Freddie! What are you doing!"
He commented this time.
"I'm making everyone happy. I'm making sure I don't take up anymore space." As he walked closer to the edge. He stopped right before the ledge. He turned to me slowly. He silently slid his sleeve up. I gasped. Up and down his arms, even in the dark of the night. I could see ever single mark. The blood dripping out of several new ones.
"Why?"
"I'm just a worthless piece of space, who everyone would be better off with me dead."
"No, stop."
"Bye, blond headed demon. Thanks for killing me." And with that he did a back flip off the edge of the building. I ran to the ledge and looked over. I saw and heard as his skull smacked the concrete. I broke down in tears.
"Goodbye Freddie." I whispered.
My thoughts on life.
When will life ever work out for anyone. When will life become a fairytale. Cause goddamn it, it is nowhere near a fairytale today. Nor was it yesterday. Or the tomorrow. No matter how hard I try, I will never be happy. No matter how much I smile, or laugh, real or not, I'm never happy. And I never will be. No matter what anyone says, of life getting better, it may work out for them. But it does not work out for me. I just hope one day. The pain goes away, one way or another. Whether life will get better. Or if I have to end it. I guess I don't hope. Hope is a word for people who look forward to things. I don't. Hope is for people who believe life will get better. Which is why I don't have hope. I don't have dreams at night. Because it makes you more sad when you wake up and realize it's not real. That you have to go back to the crap that I call my life. I have had one dream last week. It was the first dream in a long time. And when I woke up, it was the first time I was truly happy in a long time. Then I realized it was a dream. That my life wasn't that. And I began to cry. I haven't cried in a long time. I find that crying doesn't help. It just makes me more upset. But I cried and I cried. Until finally. I got over it. Well that's what I told myself. But when do we ever get over it?
