Hi! This is just a really weird fanfic I whipped up in ten minutes. I was just inspired by all the really strange pairings I see on teh interwebz featuring Mr Strife. Just a teeny bit of Aerith, Yuffie and Tifa bashing. I love them all though :)
Oh, and just a little bit of Marlene bashin' too, I guess. I mean, she's, like, 10 and she works behind a bar? LOLWTF.
Enjoy!
That day in Hollow Bastion had been a quiet one, without event. Aerith was out in the square tending and watering the flowers, Yuffie and Sora had gone to the outskirts of town to practise their fighting skills and Tifa was wandering aimlessly around town, occasionally punching a wall.
Cloud lay sprawled out messily on the sofa in Merlin's house, beside the strange wizard's favourite bag of holding. Barret typed impatiently on the keyboard of Cid's computer, apparently irritated by something - perhaps his lack of two hands. If Cid had been in the building, Cloud knew a fight would spark between the wannabe leader and the hot-headed pilot. Barret slammed one final time down on the old keyboard and it gave a slight buzzing noise. He prob'ly broke it, thought Cloud to himself, closing his eyes with his hand over his forehead, trying to give Barret the impression that he was asleep and didn't want to be bothered.
"Hey, spiky!"
No such luck. Cloud continued his act. Barret scowled. "Cloud, get your spiky ass up! I 'jes want to ask you somethin'!" Cloud opened one blue eye. "What is it?" he groaned, sitting up in the purple velvet chair. "Which one of 'em do ya like?" Barret asked. Cloud's eyes widened. "What?!" he yelled. "Ya know, between Tifa, Aeris and Yuffie. We 'jes gotta set this whole fangirl pairing thing straight, ya know?" replied Barret. "And I gots to check that you ain't gonna bother my Marlene. She don't need your skinny ass!" Cloud paused, unfazed by Barret's comment. "Barret," he began. "You know you're asking me to choose between an emo stalker with an anger problem, a girl who should be technically dead and a jailbait wannabe ninja. No deal. None of 'em!"
Barret stood up and stomped about the small house, waving his hands in the air in rage. The floorboards squeezed with the force of his movement. "Yer bustin' my rhythm, vermin! Ya got anoth'r one now? Who is it? Elena? Cinderella? Mulan? …Fairy Godmother? I'll go upside yer spiky head if it's my Marlene!" Cloud shook his head. "Sorry to disappoint ya, Barret, but I don't go for pre-teen alcoholics." Barret aimed his gun at the blonde ex-SOLDIER, who leapt up just a second before the man with the grafted gun shot several holes into the small purple seat. "Dammit! You 'jes better tell me, ya bottle blond jerk! Hell, who is it?! "
"Sephy, of course!"
Cloud grinned as he watched Barret's jaw drop to the floor.
Wheeeeeee!
