Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or it's characters. They belong to the lovely Stephanie Meyer.
This is just a sample of my story, I'll more to this chapter, I just want to know what you think.
Well here I am again sitting in front of my laptop with an open document, blank just the way it has been since I sat down to write yesterday. I couldn't stop thinking about what I had seen and heard from my ex- husband, well I'm saying ex now, but techically he's still my husband untill the end of month. Which couldn't come any faster then I wanted it to.
Yesterday, I was doing my weekly grocery shopping trip, when I bumped in to my ex- husband and his new…'friend' that just happened to be pregnant with his child and he was estatic about it. That was the last straw, I could help but call him out his wrong. He left for the fact he didn't want kids and I did, another fact I wanted to have kids but couldn't. So that left both us unhappy, and best was just to end it, before it got any more complicated.
So here I am sitting and thinking about what could've been and what should've been my life, my future. I closed my laptop, knowing that as much as I wanted to be a writer, it wouldn't be happening any time sure. I was a worker for child daycare center, and that's what I loved to do, being around little kids all the time. I have accepted that I can't have kids of my own. However, that won't stop me from spoiling everyone elses kids.
There once was a chance I could've taken to have a child, but I wasn't emotional or fincaially ready for a child, I wish now that I would've taken that chance. There was a little boy at the daycare center that his mother was a bad drug addict and didn't care what happen to herself or her son. She never paid child care for her son,I did. I paid it to make sure he a place to come to, and a place where we all knew he would be taken care of, while his mother was off doing God knows what. Child protective services finally picked up what the mother was doing, after numerous calls to them. The took the child from the mother, and was going to put him into a home, untill they could find his relatives,they never found anyone for him. I opted to take him, but l wasn't emotional or fincailly ready for a nother person. I was lucky that the day care, gave me discount when paying for his child care. As far as I know that little boy has got a great life, and has not a want for anything.
At this point I'll go to an adoption agency that was giving out shaved apes as babies, if that were the case, but it isn't. The case was that I loved children badly, but wasn't able to procreate… with anyone. My cellphones ringtone brought me out of musings of holding a pink blanketed baby, with lovely chestnut hair, and bright green eyes. I don't know where the forest green eyes came from, but nevertheless they were mesmorizing.
Without looking at the screen I knew without a doubt who it was calling. It was Rose, one of the girls that I loved to work with. I would doubt if she didn't have the same feelings about kids as I did. I picked up my cell, and answered it.
" Umm.. Hi… Yeah, I was about to leave… no no, it's not, that just getting lost in my thoughts,as ususal." We kept chanting right up to the point where, I shut my car off at the day care center. I can feel the headache coming on, from all the girl that is about to go on. Has Rose ever heard that silence is a great healer. Since she was just complaining of a sorer throat a little bit ago.
Well here comes the girl talk unforturely. " Give me eight good reasons way it is okay for men to lie? I just want one good reason way it's okay for them to do that to women,after they get what they want from us?" Rose was on another one of her murderous girl talk today. But I was to distracted by the God that just walked into the day care center. Of course I could just see the side of his face, but I guess he could feel Rose's and my eyes on him, for at that moment he turned and look striaght at us. The first thing I noticed was … the forest green eyes that I had imagine this morning. I was first one to look away , I could feel my cheeks heating up from the blush that was spreading through out my body.
I took a step towards the very…umm what's a good word to call him? Aww, I know a very handsome man. I didn't notice until I was right up to him that he had a little boy with him. Of course why wouldn't he have a child with him, this is a day care center after all.
"Dade! Dade!" The little boy kept tugging on his fathers pants leg. Well that sovles it he's married and that the child is his. I could help but think about that old sayign that all the good ones are either taken or gay.
Well just my luck, I don't think I'm just that emotionally ready to start another relationship at the moment. When I'm not totally single yet, almost, but there's still that one little thread that connected me to my ex- husband, James. I know for a fact that the one reson he said he never wanted to have children with me was because, he was the cause and effect why I couldn't have kids. Well maybe just the cause, but he did make the effect that doesn't let me bear children.
The little boy looked nothing like his daddy. This little boy, had bright red hair, and piercing blue eyes. Nothing like his daddy. His daddy had bronze hair, and those forest green eyes that I couldn't get out of my head.
He gently reached down and picked up his little boy, and wispered something is his ear. Before the little boy wispered back, and tuen back pointing his little finger at me and giving me a wide smile.
" Umm.."
" Bella, I'm Bella." I anwsered his unasked question.
" Well Miss Bella, this is Georgie my son, and I'm Edward Cullen." He introduced like a perfecct gentleman.
I know for a fact that's how all men are when they're wanting to pick up a girl,until after they get what they want, or until they get married. Then all the charming, and well behaved men turn into pigs.
Edward stayed and got Georgie settled, and got him to stop fussing. Before he left,Georgie started any round of crying, and whinning for his daddy to return. I finally had him sitting in my lap stiffling, and rubbing his eyes. He was a very upset and tired little boy. It didn't take but a little sushing and rocking to get him to calm down, and go to sleep.
He slept most of the morning. Crying took a lot out him, and worn him considerably. The afternoon came and went and most of the kids were watching out the window waiting on the parents to pick them. Georige was sitting in front of the television watching the Wiggles. Not having a care in the world when his daddy or mommy was coming. All the kids were soon gone, and I was cleaning up the toys that the kids drug out and rewinding the tapes the kids were watching to day. Georgie was looking out the window, I could hear him sighing every now and then. It was until it was almost dark before he went to crying and asking me where his daddy was. I told him that I would call his daddy and momma to see where they were at. He being crying even more when I suggested calling his mother.
" I…I do…don't h…ha…ha..have a m..mo…momma, Miss Bella." I could help but start crying a few tears right along with him. All the kids out there that wanted a mother, and I was being selfish about wanting a child of my own. But what woman isn't selffish about wanting a child of her own. Would you blame me for wanting one.
I held Georgie and sushed him while rocked him again. I was almost a sleep myself when I heard knocking at the door, got up and opened the door and ushered Edward. He was instantly looking around for Georgie. What he didn't know was that Georgie was a sleep in little babies room. While I had finished my daily chores around the center.
" Bella? Where's Georgie?" He was really anxious his eyes darting around the room.
" He's in the nursery asleep. He got really upset when you weren't here to pick him up, like the other parents."
He let out a breath, he was holding and begin to run his hands through his hair. He seem really nervous.
I went nursery where Georgie was a sleep, and point out to Edward where he was. Edward went over and gentle picked him up, and hugged him close to him.
" Bella, I'm sorry That I was so rude to you earlier. We're just having a hard time, finding a place for him, that he really likes, and place where I can trust the workers, and not they're not any friends of my ex-wife.
I nodded my head letting him know that I understand.I helped him gather and pick Georgies' things and lock up the center. I told Edward I'll see him in the morning, and patted and kissed Georgie on the forehead.
When I got home I was so emotionally and phiscally drained, that I didn't know if I had the strength to make it up stairs. When I finally got in the steaming shower and and smell and of strawberries finally awoken me and relaxed me. I breathe out sigh of relief, and stepped out and grab a pair of sweats and a baseball tee-shirt. I laid on my bed thinking about Georgie and Edward.
I heard myself chanting, "Why?Why? Why?"
I cried.
I cried for everything, knowing this was going to hurt.
I felt empty.
Alone…Lost.
I felt the need to be dependent on someone.
I had no idea what I was going to do. I've been with James since highschool, I've always been dependent on him on someone to help take care of me. I guess was the time for to be a grown woman, and take responsiblities for my actions. It didn't help that I was unable to bear children, but also a weak left side of my body. What person would want a woman as broken, as me?
I weighed my options. I could sit around and feel sorry for myself , or I could get up and face this head on.
I made my decision. I channedled the strongest version of myself and stood.
I immediately opened the bedroom door, and limped out to the door, towards the stairs. I don't know what happen, but I was now falling down the stairs. I screamed. This was it, I was never going to have the chance to try for kids, or get remarried. Or even seen that handsome man at the center again.
I made it to the bottom of the stairs, I looked around but begin to see black spots,a dn felt like I was drowning. I was being pulled under.
heard myself chanting, "Why? Why? Why?"
I cried.
d myself chanting, "Why? Why? Why?"
I cried.
