Warwick Avenue

Warwick Avenue

--

-When I get to Warwick Avenue

Meet me by the entrance of the tube-

"Hello?"
"H-hi…"
Why was my voice shaking?
"…Onion...?"
"Yea…it's me."

I hated all this hesitation.
I told him that I'd call him back in a week to see if he was doing alright…
He was expecting this, wasn't he?

"I…I was just going to call and see how you were doing," I said, trying to sound nonchalant, "I thought that maybe…we could meet up somewhere?"
"Really?"
"Um…yea…"
"Well…I'm free all day…so, whenever, you know?" I took a deep breath,
"Alright. Uhm…how about three o'clock? We can meet up at the subway entrance on Warwick Avenue?"
"Okay. That sounds good…yea, I don't have anything going on at three…"

-We can talk things over a little time

But promise me you won't step out of line-

"Okay, well…I'll see you th-"
"Is…is it just going to be me and you?"
"Um…"
"Like, Kero or Near won't be there or anything, right?"

"Oh, no. Just us."
"Cool, because I thought maybe we can go and get something to drink or-" I cut him off quickly,
"Mello."
"Yea?"
"We're just getting together to talk…so don't do this, okay?"
"Yea…" he got very quiet, "Alright…I'll see you then…"

-click-

I sighed and shut my cell phone and got off the bed to go get ready.

-When I get to Warwick Avenue
Please drop the past and be true-

I set off from Whammy's at about one o'clock in Matt's car. That would get me to London right around three if there were no mishaps. Usually I wouldn't drive myself, since it freaks me out, but I told Mello it would be just me, so I really didn't have any other option. As I drove, I couldn't help but wonder how Mello had been doing these past few weeks. Would he even be sober when we met? He sounded okay on the phone…

I was also nervous, which was to be expected. Especially since he had already tried to get me to go get a drink with him over the phone. What if he tried again? What if he got mad at me for leaving? What if he started yelling right there on the sidewalk? I swallowed and took a deep breath, gripping the steering wheel more firmly, knowing that I would have to stand up to him if that did happen.

-Don't think we're okay

Just because I'm here
You hurt me bad but I won't shed a tear-

He probably thought that I would show up and throw myself at him and say 'Oh, Mihael, I've missed you so much! I'm sorry that I was unreasonable! I've had some time to think and I realize that I can't live without you!' And then we'd kiss and make up and go home.

Well that's wasn't going to be what happened.
I might hug him.
Tell him I missed him.

That he should be sorry that he was unreasonable.

I did have some time to think.

And that I realize that I'm better off without him holding me down.
Then I'd say that we could still be good friends and hang out like the old day.
But nothing more than that.

-I'm leaving you for the last time baby

You think you're loving

But you don't love me

I've been confused

Outta my mind lately

You think your loving

But I want to be free
Baby you've hurt me-

I knew that Mello probably wouldn't take that very well. But I guess that was too bad. I wasn't going to give in to his needs this time. I've "broken up" with him so many times and agreed to come back when he promised me that he'd change. Of course, wanting to believe him, I'd go back. He'd appologize and treat me wonderfully for about a week. After that…well, things would start to go downhill, and quickly. He seemed to think that since I was there again, I wouldn't leave.

But when he went out nearly every night.
Left me home by myself without even telling me he was leaving.

When he'd come home drunk as hell and yell at me and try to hit me as a result.

I can't live with that.

I just can't.

-When I get to Warwick Avenue

We'll spend an hour but no more than two-

I decided that I wasn't going to spend the rest of the day talking with him. Once five o'clock hit, he'd insist that it was dinner time and he'd try to take me out to eat. After that, he'd probably buy me a drink, which would lower my reasoning abilities, and he would tell me that I couldn't drive home tipsy. So I would have to stay at the apartment with him.
I knew how it would go down.

And I wasn't having it.

-Our only chance to speak once more

I showed you the answers now here's the door-

I didn't want him to think that I hated him…or that I never wanted to see him again. I was just going to explain to him that I was going to stay at Whammy's until I found an apartment of my own to stay in. I'll tell him that once I did that and I was settled in and everything, if there were no hard feelings, maybe we could get together and hang out sometime with Matt and Psi.

-When I get to Warwick Avenue

I'll tell you baby that we're through-

As I turned the corner to park the car, I saw him standing there in his leather pants, vest, and his long black coat with the fluffy black trim. I saw his head turn to look at the car; I smiled when I saw that he had his sunglasses on, despite the fact that it was cloudy and there was thunder off in the distance. I shut the car off and fixed my scarf so it wasn't crooked, and then took a deep breath. I opened the door and got out of the car, willing my heart to stop pounding, trying to be confident. I had to do this.

-I'm leaving you for the last time baby

You think you're loving

But you don't love me
I've been confused
Outta my mind lately
You think you're loving
But you don't love me
I want to be free
Baby you've hurt me-

I did exactly what I told myself I would do. I told him everything just how it was. For once, he let me speak. He didn't interrupt me. We just sat on the bench by the station entrance while I talked. I made sure my voice was steady and strong. I was making sure that I explained everything clearly and in full, choosing my words carefully. I wasn't going to allow him to twist my words around and use them against me.

-All the days spent together

I wished for better-

When I was finished with what I had to say. I looked at him, my eyes dry, surprisingly. He looked down at his hands in his lap for a moment before nodding slightly,
"I understand." he said quietly, "I…I really am sorry, Onion, and I want to make things better."
"I told you Mello…this just isn't going to work…"
"It worked for years though!" he said, looking up at me with determination. I shook my head,
"Mel, even then…it was hard for me. You don't know how hard," I replied, "I kept telling myself that things would work out and that we'd always be together…that you would get nicer since we were out of Whammy's and away from all the stress of the other kids and stuff…"

-But I didn't want the train to come

Now it's departed
I'm broken hearted-

"I can still get better, really…I…I can start going and talking to L and he can help me control myself, really…" He sounded so desparate. And I felt bad. But that's exactly what he was trying to do. He was trying to make me feel guilty for saying all this, and then he thought I'd take him back. I shook my head and put my hand up to stop him from saying anything more.
"No…" I paused, biting my lip slightly, "I hoped that the day would never come that I would have to say all these things to you. But…it did. And…I'm not going to wait around for you to get better. It's too late. I need to move on with my life."

-Seems like we never started

All those days spent together

When I wished for better-

I knew that he understood once I'd said that. He knew that he couldn't go back and change things…I wondered if he even wanted to. I guess it didn't matter what he wanted. This time, things were about me. I liked the feeling.

-And I didn't want the train to come

Oh no-

Mello looked at me for a moment before reaching out with his gloved hand and moving a piece of hair out of my eyes. My heart skipped a beat, and for a split second, I wondered if this was all a big mistake.

-You think you're loving

But you don't love me
I want to be free, baby

You've hurt me
You don't love me
I want to be free

Baby you've hurt me-

After a minute or so, I stood up,
"I…guess I better get going," I said, picking up my purse and digging around for the keys. Mello nodded and stood up as well,
"Yea…I…I guess you should." he watched me for a moment, "Can I have a goodbye-hug?" he asked. I nodded,
"I suppose." He walked over and put his arms around me, holding me close,
"I love you, Onion."
"Don't say that. You'll just make things harder on yourself." I replied. He let go and watched me get into the car. He waved as I pulled away.

On the way home, I felt proud of myself.

Now that I've done this.

I can start moving forward.