Episode 1: Not So Happy Campers pt. 1
Buck: Hello! My name is Buck. and I'm your host. As you may know, I used to be an explorer, but those days are long gone now. That's when I decided to be a reality show host. Welcome to Camp Wawanaqua. I'm your host, Buck, and today I'm going to bring you twenty contestants face off the toughest challenges in their career. They'll then assume the perils they've endured on their previous adventures are just a dandy walk in the park compared to what they are about to face. This is only the begi- oh look! Here's the boat now!
A boat parks next to the dock. A saber-tooth tiger jumps out and snarls.
Buck: We meet again, Diego. The catnip's in the shed.
Diego: H-how could you to not be scared of that?
Sid: Diego, darling!
A sloth enters the scene.
Sid: What did I tell you about running off on your own? Bad kitty! Bad, bad kitty! (Sees audience) Oh, hi there! My name is Sid the Sloth, aka (taps head) the smartest, most funnest guy you'll ever get to meet. (Accidently pokes eye) Ow!
Diego: Hey, Einstein. Have you seen Manny anywhere?
Sid: I think he had to board a separate boat due to his weight.
Manny (from distance): I'm not fat! It's my fur!
Sid and Diego: Manny!
Another boat sails up to the dock and drops off a wooly mammoth. The boat sails away.
Manny: So they have to put me on a separate boat, but they'll allow a hippo on the first one.
Buck: Speaking of which, here's Gloria.
Gloria, who is a hippo, stomps onto the dock and yawns.
Gloria: I had the weirdest dream while sleeping. I was on a dock, on an island, with a rabbit, a sloth, a saber tooth, and a mammoth.
She stares at the group blankly.
Gloria: Oh.
Melvin the Giraffe steps into the scene.
Melvin: Hi, honey.
Gloria: Hey, baby cakes.
Buck: A hippo and a giraffe? A thing? Now is that just weird or what?
Melvin: Weird, huh? You wanna know what's weird? Why is there no disinfectant present in the restroom?
Gloria: Melvin.
Melvin: You know how many germs a bathroom can carry?
Gloria: Melvin.
Melvin: Do sanitary conditions mean nothing to you?
Gloria: Melvin!
Melvin: Yes, hon?
Gloria: Alex is here.
Alex jumps out into the scene. He looks panicked.
Alex: Marty is gone!
Everyone: What?
Alex: I-I don't know what happened to him. He was here when we boarded the boat, but while we were on it, he disappeared!
Gloria: Why didn't you tell us earlier?
Alex: I didn't know until we got here!
Buck: Everyone, don't panic. I'm sure we can all work this out.
Manny: Hey, look! I spot something in the distance! It's a zebra riding dolphin.
Sid: Manny, you and your wild imaginations.
Manny: I'm not kidding. There really is one and it's coming towards us.
In a matter of seconds, a zebra skis towards the dock on a couple of dolphins. He jumps off the dolphins and lands on the wood.
Marty: Thanks for the lift!
The dolphins chirp, and dive back underwater.
Marty: I'll be seeing you again, hopefully!
Alex: Marty!
Marty then spots Alex running up to him in slow motion.
Marty: Alex? Alex!
Marty starts running up to Alex in slow motion. Music is playing.
Alex: Marty!
Marty: Alex!
Alex: Marty!
Marty: Alex!
Alex (angry): Marty!
Marty (concerned): Alex?
Alex (furious): Marty!
Marty (panicking): Oh, Sugar Honey Ice Tea!
Alex lunges at Marty and strangles him.
Alex: I'm going to kill you, Marty!
Marty: Guys! Help!
Gloria and Melvin grab Alex and try to restrain him. Alex continues to struggle.
Alex: Why did you leave us like that?! Me and Melvin and Gloria were worried sick about you!
Gloria: Alex! Alex, now calm down. The important thing is he is safe.
Alex: Okay. I'm going to kill you, Marty!
A whistle blows.
Buck: Listen up! Our next contestant will be here soon. In fact, he should be here right about now.
There is an evil laugh. Just then, a bald man with a pointy nose glides through the air on a hang glider. He gently lands on the dock, and then tosses his hang glider into the lake. A shark eats it.
Gru: Greetings. My name is Gru. The most evil mastermind ever and I came to claim that million dollars right out of each of your cold, dead paws!
Melvin: What if one of us has hoofs?
Gru pauses for a second, and then continues.
Gru: And I came to claim that million dollars from each of your cold, dead paws and hoofs!
Buck: Excuse me, but you have to win to claim the prize.
Gru: Hmmm…
Gru pulls out a freeze ray gun.
Gru: Then perhaps you would like to discuss it with this freeze ray here.
Buck: I'm afraid that won't be necessary.
Gru: Curses! I feel like a total laughing stock now that I lost my reputation as "evil mastermind". I wonder if there is any other evil mastermind waiting to devour that reputation.
Another evil laugh is heard. A tall, big-head, bald, blue man rides a hovercraft. He safely lands it the dock and steps out of the vehicle.
Megamind: It is I, Megamind! The most evil and handsome villain ever, and I have come to claim the money.
Gru: Hey! That's my line.
Megamind: Who are you suppose to be, baldy?
Gru: My name is Gru, and who are you calling baldy, baldy?
Buck: Gentlemen, let's not get petty. There are much more contestants to meet here, and we'll meet the rest of them right after this comme-
Before Buck could finish, a ring-tailed lemur jumps into the scene and starts dancing and singing.
Julian (singing): I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! I like to move it!
Music starts playing. Julian starts dancing around the place like an idiot.
Buck: Where in the devil's name did he come from?
Megamind: I don't know but he can sure dance.
Julian lands on one of the dock supports.
Julian: Welcome, all you partiers! I'm King Julian and I came to turn this place upside-down! Now come on, dance with me!
Buck hops over to a stereo system and turns it off. The music stops. Julian stops dancing.
Julian: Hey! Why did you do that?
Buck throws the stereo into the lake. A shark eats it.
Julian: Why must there be at least one person here to ruin the fun?
Two more lemurs enter the scene. One of them is fat and somewhat shorter than Julian and the other one is a small, annoyingly adorable squirrel-like lemur with big eyes.
Maurice: This place looks sweet! If it wasn't for Julian being here, this place would be heaven!
Mort (giggling cutely): Yay! Party!
Buck: No! There is no party! In fact, you shouldn't even be here! You're not a contestant!
Buck grabs Julian by the tail and throws him on a catapult.
Buck: To the catapult of shame you go!
Julian: You can't do this to me!
The catapult flings Julian out of sight.
Mort: No!
Maurice: Yes!
Buck: You two are up next.
Maurice: No!
Mort: Yay!
After Buck is finished, he turns back to the audience.
Buck: Sorry about that, folks. We'll be right back after these commercials.
After a series of long, boring commercials, the show finally comes back on.
Buck: That was shorter than expected. All right, who's next?
Another boat pulls up. Two teenage-looking kids step out. One of them is a girl with pink hair and a pink suit and the other is a boy who somewhat resembles a shark. It is Sharkboy and Lavagirl (yeah, I know that movie was bad, but I used to like it as a child).
Buck: That's strange. I don't remember ordering Japanese takeout.
Sharkboy (angrily): WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Lavagirl: Sharkboy, you promised me you wouldn't go full shark on this trip.
Sharkboy: Yeah, you're right.
Another boat pulls up. A very large green man with a Scottish accent walks out. Two more characters exit the boat: a very obnoxious talking donkey and an orange cat that wears boots and a hat and talks in a Spanish accent.
Shrek: Boy, it's really great to be out of the house and not have to be around all those kids. Still, I have to deal with these two.
Donkey: Whoo! I'm on TV! Hi, honey! Hi, kids! Daddy's on TV!
Puss: Would somebody please tell this donkey to shut up?
Buck: Okay. Shut up.
Donkey: Now who in the right mind are you supposed to be? Some kind of pirate weasel? 'Cause you're a weasel and you have an eyepatch. You must be a pirate! Do have any treasure? Maybe some gold doubloons or somethin'?
Buck: You are the most annoying talking animal I have ever come across.
At that same moment, three talking chipmunks scurry out of the boat.
Alvin: Make way for the king!
Simon: Alvin, you said you wouldn't make a fool of yourself on camera. Try not to make a fool of yourself.
Theodor: Guys, I saw an alligator out in the lake! He looks like he wants to eat me!
Bunk: I take back what I said about the donkey.
Another boat pulls up. A very large muscular man wearing red clothes steps out.
Bunk: What do we have here? It's Wreck-It Ralph! Come on. Do the phrase.
Ralph: Sorry, buddy. I only do that in my video game.
Bunk: Don't be so sour.
Ralph (groans): Fine. I'm gonna wreck it.
Bunk: That was lame. Who's next? Well, it appears we have two contestants left who should be coming up pretty soon. I see their boat coming up right now!
The last boat pulls up. Two more characters step out. One is a pure white German Shepard with a bolt-shaped mark on one of his hips, and the other is a small chameleon wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
Bolt: Finally, I'm out of this boat! Now it's time to fight the evildoers on this island!
Megamind: Aw, what a cute dog!
Bolt: Gah! A villain who bears strange, blue skin! Initiating sonic bark!
He barks loudly, but that does not seem to do anything.
Rango: This guy is crazy. But it sure is great to be on TV. I can finally pursue my acting career like I've always dreamed of.
Buck: Sorry, little guy. But it's called a reality show for a reason. You act like you do in reality.
Rango: You don't know anything!
Buck: Well, we finally have that over with. Time for another commercial break!
More boring commercial are showed.
Buck: Now that we are back, it is time to declare the teams. Alvin, Shrek, Donkey, Puss in Boots, Sid the Sloth, Alex the Lion, Marty the Zebra, Wreck-It Ralph, Gru, and Lavagirl; you will be known as the Cinema Psychos.
Gru: Psychos. I like that name. It reminds me on all my evil deeds. Y'know. Being an evil genius and all.
Megamind: Hmmpt. Showoff.
Theodor: Wait, why aren't we on Alvin's team? We have to be with him.
Simon: Correct. If Alvin is not with us, Theodor will cry himself to sleep at night.
Buck: Hold your horses! I'm not done announcing the teams. Next we have Simon, Theodor, Megamind, Rango, Bolt, Manny the Mammoth, Diego, Melvin the Giraffe, Gloria the Hippo, and Sharkboy. You will be known as the Theater Freaks.
Sharkboy: Wait, what am I going to do without Lavagirl? She's like my partner!
Theodor: Yeah, and we can't be a team without Alvin. I'm going to cry.
Simon: Oh, great.
Buck: Jeeze, so much drama going on here. Anyway, what is going to happen next? Find out in the next episode of Total Animated Island!
To be continued…
