She doesn't even know what to feel anymore. Her throat is tight, so tight that it's hard to swallow without crying. Not that there are any tears left. At least there shouldn't be.

The only thing she is sure of is her loneliness. As much as her friends assure Emily that they are there for her and she knows they really are, it's just not the same. They all have somebody they love and who loves them back. Her friends do their best at hiding their happiness around her, but their best isn't that good. The more she thinks about it, the worse it gets. She's lost two people she loved. One of them even loved her back.

Emily still doesn't know what she did to deserve this. Trying to get her mind off of this with partying, well actually drinking, resulted in even more trouble. She needs someone to talk to now, but she knows she really can't deal with any happy person right now. Especially not Aria, Spencer and Hanna, not only because they are so insanely in love with someone, but she feels guilty, so guilty, for getting drunk, for making things so much worse after they had only gotten better. At least for the other three. Not for her.

The happiness she doesn't have rules out Toby too. She tried talking to him already and thought it was helping, but she couldn't not see his smile and the glint in his eyes. When she talked to him, that feeling in her throat got worse, as she kept the tears, which really shouldn't be there anymore, at bay.

She turns her head to her side, looking over at her drawer. Resting on top of it was the picture of her and Maya, the scarf draped neatly over it. Emily couldn't help but stare, at least for a moment, thinking of all the plans she had. For them. For her and for Maya.

It seems crazy, even to herself, because she didn't even know were Maya had been and she still planned. How they would make up when they'd see each other again. How she would ask Maya out to their senior prom.

Emily sits up abruptly, tearing her eyes away from the picture and focusing on the window instead. She wants to talk, no, she needs to. Slowly, she gets up from her bed and walks over to her window seat. Sitting down, she rests her the side of her head against the glass, looking down the empty street. It's raining and Emily can't help but think how fitting it is. Then, all she can think about is how she has to get out of here, just out. So, she leaves, in her shorts and tank top, without shoes.


Walking through the rain is helping, sort of. At least she knows what she is feeling now. It's cold, her clothes are soaked and little stones poke into the skin of her feet. She knows it is not the best idea to wander around the town at night, let alone on her own. But she has no idea what she should do instead.

She opens the door quietly. Her fingers are numb, her toes blue and she's dripping onto the floor, leaving a trail of water behind her as she drags herself up the stairs. In her room, she strips herself of the wet clothes, letting them drop to the ground carelessly. Grabbing a blanket, she falls onto her bed, closing her eyes and falling asleep.

When she wakes up, she is coughing and her nose feels like it froze off. She reaches for her phone. Texts from Hanna and Spencer, one missed call from Aria, all answered with a quick 'I'm fine, just went to bed early.' Deciding a warm shower would be good, Emily climbs out of her bed and slowly goes to the bathroom, ignoring the heap of clothes she left on the floor last night.

As the hot water runs over her body, she notices how cold she actually was. Soaking up the warmth, her mind wanders. She still needs a friend, someone she can talk to. And a swim. Actually, a swim sounded better than talking, because at least she knew where to find water to swim in. Emily turns the shower off, wraps herself in a towel and deciding to get ready to go for a swim.


She sets her bag on the bench in the dressing room to open her locker, Emily doesn't even care if anyone is there. She turns around to grab something out of her bag, when she hears a door close and someone walking into the room. "Hello?" she asks, trying to stay calm. "Hey, Emily." Paige walks around the corner, a swimming bag slung over her shoulder. "Oh. Hey Paige." Then there is silence. Both girls are staring at each other, not knowing what to say or do. After what feels like a decade of awkward silence, Paige finally says "I haven't seen you a lot around here lately. How are you doing?"

Emily opens her mouth to say something, but she doesn't. "God, I'm so stupid. How could you be, after all the stuff that has happened. I'm really sorry, Em." Emily is still quiet, staring at a locker, while she tries to ignore the tightness in her throat and the burning of the tears she's trying to suppress. "Em?" Paige tries to meet her gaze, but she knows she couldn't handle it, so she lets her head drop to look at the floor. Gathering all her strength together, Emily presses out a strangled "It's okay, I'm fine.", not lifting her head. She wishes it would have sounded more convincing. "No, you're not. You don't need to pretend anything. At least not in front of me, okay?" Emily doesn't move. "We are friends now, remember Em? If you want to talk, I'm here." Still not getting a response from Emily, Paige starts unpacking her things.

Emily swallows hard, hoping to get rid of that feeling in her throat. "Can we... Can we just sit here for a while?" she finally whispers, barely loud enough for someone to hear. Paige stops unpacking, sits down on the bench and says "Sure." Emily walks over and sits down next to her. There is silence again, but it's not awkward anymore. They both just stare at the lockers in front of them, not saying or doing anything. Until Paige takes her hand between both of her own, trying to reassure her. Emily can't hold it anymore, the tight feeling in her throat gets unbearable and her eyes water up. She can feel tears rolling down her face and her body starts shaking with silent sobs. Paige doesn't talk. She doesn't ask, she just slings one arm around Emily's waist and holds her. They sit like this for as long as Emily needs it.