Thomas in love
It was springtime at Sodor High. The snow was gone. Birds were singing. And fatty even shaved his back (about time). Unfortunately, this meant he decided it was time to show off his newfound skin & ran around topless! It was coincidently around this time when most of the people went blind. One day, Diesel was walking around with a cane & sunglasses & whacking Toby.
Toby (whining like the wuss he is): Ouch!
Diesel (Sarcastically): Oops. Sorry! I didn't see you in front of me (whacks Toby again while laughing).
Just then, Edward came by with a clipboard.
Edward: Excuse me. But would you like to sign this petition to make fatty put his shirt back on and never go topless in public again?
Diesel: Give me that!
Diesel grabbed the clipboard, signed it, and whacked Toby with it.
Toby: Watch it!
Diesel hit him a few more times.
Diesel: Here Fruitcake. Sign this.
So Toby signed the petition and handed the clipboard to Edward. Then Edward grabbed Toby & Diesel & started hugging them.
Edward: Thank-you! Thank-you!
Diesel pushed Edward off him & into a locker.
Diesel: Touch me again, and I'll break every bone in your body!
Diesel turns to Toby.
Diesel: He's even creepier than you.
Toby: Yeah, he's even…what?
Diesel: Ha!
Thomas was asleep in class. He had been in a game of dodge ball yesterday and he had a hard time sleeping last night. He was having dreams of giant dodge balls chasing him and turning into giant D10 and Splodge heads trying to eat him.
Thomas (sleepily): Evil… Evil dodge balls!
Percy: Hey Thomas!
Thomas (waking up): Whoa! Oh it's you Percy.
Percy: So what ya doing?
Thomas: Playing with my plunger. What's it look like I was doing?
Percy: Were you having that dream about the dodge balls again?
Thomas: Gee, what gave you that idea?
Percy: You were screaming "Evil, evil dodge balls!" Dude, you need help.
Thomas: What do you recommend?
Percy: You could talk to the shrink my mom takes me to every week.
Thomas: When did you start seeing a shrink?
Percy: About a year ago. Mom thinks it has helped.
Thomas: It hasn't.
That afternoon, Thomas and Percy went to the psychiatrist's office.
Receptionist: The doctor will see you now.
Thomas walks back to the office. Percy stays and starts flirting with the receptionist.
Percy: Hey sweet thing! Wanna go out for a burger after work?
Receptionist: "Security!"
Suddenly two big burly dudes grabbed Percy & threw his out of the building.
Percy: Ow! Feisty!
Meanwhile, Thomas was telling the psychiatrist about his dream.
Doctor: Interesting. Tell me, when did you start having this dream.
Thomas: Well, it started after the first day of high school. There are these psychos D 10, Splatter, & Dodge. The first day of gym class, they went psycho & started throwing dodge balls at everyone!
Doctor: Oh, my! Tell me how that made you feel.
Thomas: I was bleeding & in a lot of pain. Then Coach Joey just told us to hit the showers.
Doctor: Oh dear! Well, take a few of these pills before bed.
Thomas: Thanks Doctor.
Next day in school, Thomas was resting when Percy came by.
Percy: Hey Thomas. Feeling better?
Thomas: Yeah. But I've been thinking.
Percy: About what?
Thomas: It stinks that there are only two girls in school. Ones just a sicko. And the other one…
Mavis then chased Toby.
Mavis: Come back my Toby-muffin!
Toby: Runaway!
Thomas: Forget it. They're BOTH sickos.
Percy: That reminds me. I have a hot date with Daisy this weekend.
Thomas: I thought She was cheating on you with Boco.
Percy: Not anymore.
Thomas: Why can't there be a nice girl? Someone without an obvious mental illness.
Percy: Thomas. This is the cornfield! Besides, crazy girls are hot.
Just then, Daisy walked by wearing a halter top and mini skirt. She was being followed by a bunch of guys.
Percy: Gotta go!
Percy ran away, and Thomas stood there shaking his head.
The next day, everyone was sitting in class being bored except for Edward. He was taking notes and asking lots of questions.
Edward: Sir, if there is truly life on Mars, shouldn't we spent the time and effort searching for it? It's only a small price to pay for something that monumental in history.
James (muttering): Yeah, let's send Edward into outer space. He could be with his own kind.
HGJ: Hahahahaha!
Fatty: That's enough boys. All right class, we have a new student.
Guys: Please be a girl. Please be a girl.
Fatty: Her name is Emily Sterlington.
Guys: Yes! It's a girl!
Percy: Is she hot?
Just then, Emily walked in. She had long brown hair and is wearing an emerald green shirt and a matching skirt. She had an hourglass figure and had beautiful green eyes. She was the most beautiful girl the school had ever seen. The boys start howling.
James: Woah, momma!
Percy: Yeah, shake that groove thing!
Fatty: Boys! Don't make me get Coach Joey in here!
Everybody shut up instantly.
Emily: Um. Mr. Fatty, can I be excused from this school for the rest of my life?
Fatty: Of course not. Not all these men are filthy perverts. Why don't you sit next to Thomas over there?
Emily squeezed by and sat next to Thomas. Thomas woke up instantly when he saw the beauty that had parked her rear next to him.
Emily: Hi.
Thomas (Blushing) : Umm…hello.
Just then, Thomas fainted.
Diesel: Haha!
Thomas woke up in the nurse's office.
Thomas: What happened?
Toby: You saw this really hot chick and fainted like big wuss.
Thomas: Shut up Toby! When's the last time you were brave around a chick?
Percy: Nurse Mavis! Nurse Mavis! He's awake now!
Mavis comes in wearing a stethoscope.
Mavis: Percy, put your ear in this round piece.
Percy does it.
Percy: Now what?
Mavis: Well for starters… (Yells in stethoscope) I'M NOT A NURSE YOU TWIT! I'm helping Nurse Potter during my study hall.
Thomas: That's nice of you.
Mavis: It was either that or serve one week in detention. (Looks at Toby) Would you like your physical now Toby-muffin?
Toby: How about… NEVER?
Toby ran away like a big wuss.
Percy: Boomshakalakalaka boomshakalakalaka boomshakalakalaka boom!
Mavis wraps the stethoscope around Percy's throat and starts choking him. Then Percy passes out.
Mavis: So Thomas, what's the last thing you remember before you passed out?
Thomas: There was this girl who sat next to me. She was so beautiful.
Thomas starts drooling.
Mavis: Emily?
Thomas: Yeah, how did you know?
Mavis: You were muttering her name is your sleep.
Thomas blushed.
Mavis: Besides, there are only two other girls in school. I was here the whole time, and I know you couldn't have been talking about Daisy.
Thomas: So what should I do to make sure this doesn't happen again?
Mavis: Knowing you, this will be the first of many times you faint in her mere presence, but if you want my advice, you should ask her out.
Thomas: What if she doesn't like me?
Mavis: You'll never know until you ask. In the meantime, you might wanna throw Percy in the shower. He's really starting to stink.
Thomas: Is he gonna be okay? He doesn't look so good.
Mavis: He'll be fine. Besides, I like him better unconscious.
Thomas: You and every other girl I've met.
Several days went by. Thomas still talked about Emily nonstop, and he would catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye whenever possible. Percy and Toby were getting annoyed by Thomas's wussiness, so they decided to do something about it.
Percy: So how are we going to sneak the flowers into Emily's locker? We don't know the combination.
Toby: Let's ask Mavis. I'm sure she'd know.
Mavis: What do you need Toby-muffin?
Toby: Ah! Oh, sorry. I didn't see you behind me. Percy, why didn't you tell me she was standing right there?
Percy: This was funnier.
Toby: Anyway, we need to get these flowers into Emily's locker. Do you have any ideas?
Mavis: I know! I'll open it with my crowbar.
Mavis reaches into her boot and pulls out a crowbar and opens the locker.
Mavis: There you go.
Toby: Mavis, why do you carry a crowbar in your boot?
Mavis: It comes in handy.
Mavis notices Percy trying to look up her skirt. She takes the crowbar & hits him a few times with it.
Mavis: See?
Toby looks around the corner.
Toby: Emily's coming!
The three hid behind another row of lockers. Emily opened her locker and founnd the flowers and a card inside.
Emily: "To Emmylicious. I think you're hot! Let's go out after school. Signed, Thomas."
Just then, Thomas arrived.
Emily: Hi Thomas. Thanks for the flowers.
Thomas: Thanks for the what?
Emily: These, silly. You don't have to pretend anymore.
Thomas noticed the card.
Thomas: May I look at this? "To Emmylicious. I think you're hot! Let's go after school. Signed, Thomas." Wait, I didn't write this. This writing looks like…"
Thomas peeked behind the row of lockers.
Thomas: PERCY!
Percy: It was Toby's idea!
Toby: It was Mavis's crowbar!
Emily: Crowbar?
Thomas: Will one of you tell me what's going on here?
Mavis: These two were tired of you being a wuss & not asking Emily out, so they decided to put flowers in her locker & say they were from you. Then they needed my help getting into her locker, so I opened it with my crowbar then hit Percy a few times.
Thomas: Well, thanks a lot. You guys made me look like the biggest loser on the planet!
Thomas ran away. He rid hid in the men's restrooms and locked the stall.
Percy: For the love of crap! You like her, and she likes you. ASK HER OUT ALREADY!
Emily: I think I can handle it from here, Percy. Why don't you guys go somewhere else?
Percy, Toby & Mavis went to do something else. Emily looked around to see if anyone was looking, and went into the men's bathroom. But she didn't know Skarloey was filming it. Percy and Toby saw this and decided to help Thomas for once by not letting him be laughed at by everyone in school. They took Skarloey and stuffed him in Diesel's locker.
Emily: Thomas. Are you in there?
Thomas: (inside the stall) Emily? What are you doing in here?
Emily: I came to talk with you.
Thomas came out of the stall. His eyes had tears in them.
Emily: Is what they said true? Do you really like me?
Thomas: Umm…yes. It just sucks. I had no parents when I was a kid, and now, I have a crush on a girl and I'm too scared to ask her out on a date.
Emily: You never had parents?
Thomas: No. I had to be raised by Fatty and his neighbor Flanders.
Emily: Oh, I'm so sorry. I never knew your childhood sucked.
Thomas: It's not your fault. Some things just happen when you don't expect them.
Then, the most odd thing happened. Emily put her arms around Thomas. She was hugging him. Thomas could feel her chest squeezing him.
Thomas: *Blushing. Your chest is so large, but it's so soft.
Emily blushed.
Emily: You're not the only one with problems. Sometimes I can't stand the size of my chest. All the guys hit on me and I get annoyed. At my old school, I had to file more restraining orders than Lindsay Lohan because guys would never leave me alone. Once, a guy was peeping in my window and my dad tried to shoot him. I even asked my mom for a reduction but she said "no".
Thomas: You don't need one. Your body is perfect the way it is. And if guys can't respect you for you instead of your figure, then they can all eat my butt.
Emily: Um… thanks. *Blushes.
Thomas: You're welcome. *Blushes.
Emily: So, wanna go out for some ice cream tomorrow?
Thomas: Sure. See you later.
Thomas and Emily came out of the bathroom with nobody seeing them. Emily slipped a piece of paper into Thomas' hand and walk away. Thomas looked at the paper.
Thomas: Whoa! It's Emily's phone number!
Meanwhile, Emily got a call on her cell phone from her parents.
Emily: (On phone) Hello? Oh, hi mommy! I've decided to not get the reduction after all. I met a boy. No dad he didn't try to do anything fresh. His name's Thomas and he's very nice. I think I like him. Okay, bye bye.
This has been "Human Thomas and Friends." Tune in next time to hear Percy sing…
Percy: Sparky's really angry! I hope he doesn't catch me! It's so hard to run with Miss December in my face.
